These Inappropriate Children's Toys Are So Unintentionally Creepy

01
of 20

Superman Blow-Up Doll

Via Oddee.

They don't call him the Man of Steel for nothin' if you KWIM.

A quick trip to your local toy store will show you that not all children's toys are created equally. Some toys are cute, fun, and harmless, while others are grossly phallic or just plain unintentionally horrifying. We're not here today to discuss the boring, regular toys. Oh no; where's the fun in that? We're here to discuss the latter group, the toys that went straight from "Oh hey, that's unusual" to "Good gawd riding sidesaddle a pony, what the heck were they thinking by making that thing? Kill it. Kill it with fire!"

Take a look at some of the creepiest toys ever to roll off of Hell's production line. Buckle up.

02
of 20

Roadkill Puzzle

Via Amazon.

What child wouldn't want to sit quietly in their room while working on a nice roadkill puzzle? "Find the right spot on the pavement for this flattened raccoon, little Jimmy! Go ahead - he doesn't feel a thing (anymore)."

Believe it or not, this is a real toy that's available on Amazon. 

03
of 20

Mickey's Big Mic

Via 22 words.

Put your lips close to Mickey Mouse's giant microphone for hours of fun and excitement! Looks great, Disney Corporation—not like a big plastic phallus at all! Top notch.

04
of 20

Wolverine's Questionable Intake Valve

Via thefix.

Go ahead, inflate your good buddy Wolverine. Blow him up nice and big.

Turns out, Wolverine isn't the only character who has his valve in a rather unusual area....

05
of 20

Spongebob says: "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready!"

Via list25.

He just wants to show you his Bikini Bottom, that's all.

06
of 20

Water Weinnie

Via Dumpaday.

Why use a regular old (read: boring) water balloon when you can inflate one of Dad's condoms and play with a Water Weinnie? There's nothing creepy about little kids playing with glorified condom-balloons. Nope, nothing at all.

07
of 20

Kid-Sized Straight Jacket

Via laughing squid.

We all know that kids are tiny little psychopaths, so... why not?

08
of 20

Two Finger Squirter

Via Imgur.

Oh dear. We know what you were trying to say... but was this really the best name you could come up with?

09
of 20

Spiderman's "Whippin' Web-Chuk"

Via Imgur.

We have a feeling that his Spidey Senses aren't the only things that are tingling.

10
of 20

Poo-Dough

Via Reddit.

Thanks so much for teaching our children that playing with poop is fun, Play-Doh. Life hasn't been quite the same since they learned that. 

11
of 20

Paw Patrol's Little Extra Somethin' Somethin'

Via Imgur/AJ Flash.

Well alrighty then.

12
of 20

Dragon Fly Recorder Fail

Via Pinterest/stuffhappens.

And you thought hearing "Hot Cross Buns" played by your budding musician over and over again was the worst thing you could experience with a recorder! Take a look at this crazy thing, then picture a kid actually using it. On second thought, NOPE. Don't picture that. At all.

13
of 20

Shave The Baby Doll

Via viralnova.

We have questions.

Why is the baby hairy in the first place? Why do we need to shave it? Why is the hair all orange and curly? WHY does this toy even exist??

14
of 20

Gummy Peni—Er, Lighthouses

Via Metro UK.

No, these aren't the sort of novelty gummies you might buy for a bachelorette party... these are 100% real gummy lighthouses that don't resemble male genitalia at all.

15
of 20

A Farting Baby Doll

Via Instagram user kandi_yam.

Put this adorable little farting baby into your tub for instant jacuzzi action!

16
of 20

Pretend Cigarettes and Matches

Via awesome inventions.

Why let your kids simply pick up on your bad habits when you can actively teach them with toys like these? Come on, kids. let's all get lung cancer together!

17
of 20

E.T. Phallic Finger Light

Via We Know Memes.

That's funny, this E.T. toys looks just like the one that mommy keeps in her bedside table drawer.

18
of 20

BDSM Bear

Via We Know Memes.

Fifty Shades of Waaaaaait a second. Why does this bear need a ball gag? Well, aside from him being naughty.

19
of 20

A Pregnant Baby Doll

Via Imgur.

Babies having babies... oh yeah, that sounds like a blast! Great life lesson, too. 

20
of 20

He's A Shape Shifter, All Right

Via Imgur.

He's shifting shapes all over the place. BLAM!

So there you have it, 20 toys we hope you'll never, ever, EVER give to your kids. Just trust us; they'll be happier if you don't!

Format
mla apa chicago
Your Citation
Jenkins, Beverly. "These Inappropriate Children's Toys Are So Unintentionally Creepy." ThoughtCo, Mar. 20, 2017, thoughtco.com/20-children-s-toys-that-are-unintentionally-creepy-4134346. Jenkins, Beverly. (2017, March 20). These Inappropriate Children's Toys Are So Unintentionally Creepy. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/20-children-s-toys-that-are-unintentionally-creepy-4134346 Jenkins, Beverly. "These Inappropriate Children's Toys Are So Unintentionally Creepy." ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/20-children-s-toys-that-are-unintentionally-creepy-4134346 (accessed November 21, 2017).