5 Absolutely Hilarious Amazon Reviews (NSFW)

The people have spoken.

01
of 05

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag

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Courtesy: Amazon.com.

Admittedly, most people don't need to be told not to eat a five pound bag of gummy bears in one sitting. But thank goodness someone did, because the resulting reviews are absolutely amazing.

It seems that these sugarless treats have a bit of a laxative effect when eaten in large doses.  Review headlines range from blunt:

Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate.

To helpful:

Do not bring to sporting events!

To downright scary:

This ruined my life.

All of these negative reviews are awesome, but don't read unless you're okay with toilet humor.

02
of 05

Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme

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Courtesy: Amazon.com.

Hey, manscaping is important.  We get it.  What's a guy whose "danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian" to do if he doesn't dare take a razor down under?  

It's important to note that anyone who decides to use a depilatory cream such as this should, oh, I don't know, maybe read the directions before applying it to their most sensitive areas.  But since we all know that real men rarely follow directions, it's not surprising that lots of these reviews read like this:

DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS

Napalm's second cousin.

Believe it or not, these are the positive reviews!  Don't read this page unless you're okay with frank talk about twigs and berries.

03
of 05

The Vagina (A.K.A. Eye of Sauron's Vulva) Toaster

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Courtesy: Amazon.com.

Let's get one thing straight: This is a weird, weird product.  It's a toaster that basically sears the shape of a woman's who-ha into your toast. Because who doesn't want a vulva on their toast?  

Best yet, apparently people were confused about what this toaster actually does, which lead to a bunch of terrific reviews like this one:

Despite what I was led to believe by the name, this does not actually toast vaginas very well. Very misleading.

And this one:

Very scratchy, very painful. Butter did not help much. Worse still, tiny crannies catch and yank hairs. Would not recommend.

10/10 would not buy.

04
of 05

Uranium Ore

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Courtesy: Amazon.com.

Customers who bought this item also bought a bright yellow Hazmat suit.  Just FYI.

So glad I don't have to buy this from Libyans in parking lots at the mall anymore.

Great Source of Energy but with some minor Side Effects

I bought this about a year ago, and all I know is my teeth have never been whiter and my garden is spitting out 50 pound tomatoes.

These reviewers obviously had a lot of fun with this product!

05
of 05

The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

Courtesy: Amazon.com.

The three wolf moon design is one of the greatest gifts the viral internet has ever given us. This funny tee shirt turned into a popular meme back in 2009 thanks to the awesome reviews on Amazon.  Here's a sampling:

I had a two-wolf shirt for a while and I didn't think life could get any better. I was wrong. Life got 50% better, no lie.

And:

So I'm looking for threads that say, "Hey baby...I'm real boss!" when I stumble upon this epic creation. The wolves spoke to me in a language all their own; it was like German, Mongol, and Bitchin all mixed together. I mean, one wolf howlin at the moon is major...but three???

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do.