Bernie Sanders Jokes

The Best Late-Night Jokes Lampooning Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders Meme

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Funniest Bernie Sanders Memes
Donald Trump Jokes
Donald Trump Memes
Hillary Clinton Jokes
Latest Late-Night Jokes


"Bernie Sanders told reporters yesterday that he is prepared to work with Donald Trump. But then he warned Trump, 'I keep the office hot and I don't clean up my pistachios.'" –Seth Meyers

"Bernie Sanders is also campaigning with Hillary. Yesterday, he asked a crowd at one of her rallies, 'Is everybody here ready to transform America?' Followed by his next question, 'Does anybody here remember where I parked?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton is campaigning with Bernie Sanders for the millennial vote.

They're trying to get millennials with the opening line, 'Hey, our combined age is approximately one millennium.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Bernie Sanders is vowing to stay in the race until the Democratic convention. He says he owes it all to his supporters, who need something to do until Burning Man." –Conan O'Brien

"Despite Hillary Clinton clinching the Democratic nomination, Bernie Sanders vowed to stay in the race and told supporters in Los Angeles that the struggle continues. The struggle to understand math?" –Seth Meyers

"Even though Hillary has more votes and delegates and superdelegates and states, Bernie Sanders still isn't giving up. He says he will continue to fight. He's like one of those old Japanese guys on an island who thinks the war is still going on." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bernie Sanders has ignited a lot of passion, primarily among young people. And the incredible thing is he did it without posting even a single nude selfie." –Jimmy Kimmel

"There are primaries and caucuses in four states last night.

The big story was Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton 49.8 percent to 43.8 percent in Michigan. Ever since he started clipping his lucky ear hair, things have been going great." –Jimmy Kimmel

"This is the 100th anniversary of the New Hampshire primary. They've been doing this primary in New Hampshire since Bernie Sanders was 5 years old." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bernie is very popular in New Hampshire. Hillary Clinton today spent the whole day quietly googling the words 'life expectancy for old man in snowy weather.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bernie Sanders lost the Iowa Caucus by .03%. In other words, Bernie would have won if six stoners had managed to get off the couch." –Conan O'Brien

"On Monday, Hillary Clinton narrowly won in Iowa, with the final results showing that she beat Bernie Sanders by less than 1 percent. And you thought Bernie was mad at the 1 percent BEFORE." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bernie Sanders yesterday interrupted his own speech to rush to the aid of a man who fainted in the audience. Luckily, Bernie was able to shout him back to consciousness: 'ARE YOU OK? WAKE UP, THE MIDDLE CLASS IS DISAPPEARING!'" –Seth Meyers

"A tattoo shop in Vermont is currently offering a free tattoo of the outline of Bernie Sanders' head. Or as they're calling it, a 'gramp stamp.'" –Seth Meyers

"Bernie Sanders says his campaign is trying to appeal now to senior citizens. The problem is, every time Bernie says, 'Feel the Bern,' the seniors think he's talking about acid reflux." –Conan O'Brien

"According to a new report, the number of babies named 'Hillary' has decreased 90 percent since Bill Clinton was president.

And, this is interesting, there has never been a baby named Bernie." –Seth Meyers

"Sanders is leading Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire by 27 points. Bernie is very well liked among Democratic voters. Among those likely to vote in the primary, his favorability rating is 91 percent — that is incredibly high. As are many of his supporters." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Ben & Jerry's ice cream wants to make a flavor inspired by Bernie Sanders. Whatever flavor it winds up being, we know Bernie will hate it for being too rich." –Jimmy Fallon

"Meanwhile Bernie Sanders announced that he loves selfies. He just hasn't figured out how to take them on his rotary phone." –James Corden

"Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has a catch phrase. His catch phrase is 'Feel the burn.' Now he's being sued because that's Del Taco's slogan." –Conan O'Brien

"Someone asked Hillary who her favorite president was, and she said — with apologies to President Obama — 'My husband, Bill.

My favorite is Abraham Lincoln.' And then Bernie Sanders said, 'Senator, I knew Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln was a friend of mine. And you, ma'am, are no Abraham Lincoln!'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Sanders had 27,500 in the sport arena in Los Angeles In August, 11,000 in Phoenix, 28,000 in Portland on a Sunday. A guy in his 70s filling stadiums? Who does he think he is, a Rolling Stone?" –Stephen Colbert

"Bernie Sanders has now passed Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire polls. It's the first time anyone's ever been passed by a guy in a Prius." –Seth Meyers

"A new poll shows that Hillary Clinton is only six points ahead of Bernie Sanders. Today a very confident Hillary said, 'Oh, please. Like I'm going to lose the Democratic nomination to a left-wing senator nobody's ever heard of?'" –Conan O"Brien

"Bernie Sanders drew over 20,000 people to his campaign event in Portland this weekend. Sounds impressive, but remember, it's Portland. You can draw a crowd of 20,000 people with a Frisbee." –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton has joined Instagram. Meanwhile, her Democratic opponent Bernie Sanders joined telegram." –Seth Meyers

"There are reports that Hillary Clinton's campaign is saving money by encouraging staffers to take discounted buses between New York and Washington. Not to be outdone, Bernie Sanders is actually Fed-Exing himself to every speech." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mike Huckabee said he's the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. As opposed to Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, who's the only person who fought a fax machine and lost." –Jimmy Fallon

"Liberal Democrat Bernie Sanders had a rally in Los Angeles last night attended by over 27,000 supporters. The rally set the world record for most Priuses in one parking lot." –Conan O"Brien

"This week presidential candidate Bernie Sanders introduced a new bill that would make four-year college tuition free. Which was great news, unless you were the student who was just walking out of your graduation." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bernie Sanders made around $2,000 last year for two speeches and a TV appearance, compared to the $25 million the Clintons made.

"Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign announced that it raised over $1.5 million in the 24 hours after he announced his bid. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old on Kickstarter just raised $7 million in five minutes after announcing his idea for juice box water guns." –Jimmy Fallon

"Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is expected to announce tomorrow that he is running for president, making him Hillary Clinton's only Democratic challenger so far. Or as Hillary put it, 'Oooo, appetizers!'" –Jimmy Fallon

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