ISIS Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About the Islamic State Terrorist Group

See Also:
Donald Trump Jokes
Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Last night, President-elect Trump was too focused on defeating ISIS and creating jobs to pick a fight with a celebrity — just kidding, he tweeted: 'Meryl Streep, one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood...'" –Stephen Colbert

"I love that Trump thinks he can just take off back to New York. Just imagine Trump on a Friday afternoon at the White House asking his national security adviser, 'Hey, you think this ISIS briefing will be over by 6:00?

It's just I've got a thing.'" –James Corden

"During a rally in Florida yesterday Donald Trump boasted about his plans for ISIS and said he will 'be their worst nightmare.' Oh, wow, so he's also running for president of ISIS?" –Seth Meyers

"Last night, Donald Trump told an audience that before Monday's debate — this is a quote — 'I pretended I was talking to my family.' Then he admitted he frequently accuses his family of deleting emails and creating ISIS." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama said that over 40 countries have offered to help the U.S. fight ISIS. Of course they said it the same way your friends do when they promise to help you move. 'Yeah just call me, you know, if I'm around. It'll be fun.'" –Jimmy Fallon

'During a speech last night, President Obama announced that the U.S. will lead a huge multinational coalition to fight the terror groups in Iraq. Of course, most people just turned it off because they thought it was a rerun.' –Jimmy Fallon

"Today Russia announced that it will join America’s fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, "But I did not say which side." –Jimmy Fallon

"The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'" –David Letterman

"In an interview, Kim Cattrall said there could be another 'Sex in the City' movie.

An hour later, ISIS surrendered – there's only so much they can take." –Conan O'Brien

"The militant group ISIS today released a new audio clip mocking American politicians, including John Kerry and John McCain. And Americans are really upset because they released it directly into everybody's iTunes account." –Seth Meyers

"This week President Obama gave a big speech from White House where he outlined his plan to quote 'degrade and ultimately destroy' the terror group ISIS. When asked how, he said, 'I'll build their website.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Tonight President Obama will make a prime-time speech about how we're going to deal with violent extremists and their sickening behavior. And when he's done talking about the NFL, he'll talk about ISIS." –Conan O'Brien

"Earlier tonight President Obama spoke to Americans. Obama is getting tough with ISIS. He's now going to force them to sell their NBA team." –David Letterman

"President Obama announced last Thursday night that the U.S. would begin air strikes in Iraq. So in a way, it was the ultimate throwback Thursday. " –Seth Meyers

"Guess who we may be partnering with to fight ISIS. None other than Iran. Iran used to be our enemy back, like, last week, but now we may be upgrading our relationship to frenemy." –Jimmy Kimmel

"This week President Obama will announce his plans for addressing the threat posed by ISIS extremists in Iraq.

It's an incredibly difficult situation. I think at this point he should just tell Liam Neeson that they have his daughter." –Seth Meyers

"You know who's upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It's because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night." –David Letterman

"The president went on TV and explained that our new operation against ISIS is not a war. War is what FOX News does to defend Christmas." –Bill Maher

"Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early." –David Letterman

"President Obama is sending troops back to Iraq. He said, 'Don't worry, we should not be there any longer than a Kardashian marriage.'" –David Letterman

"President Obama is sending a couple hundred troops to Iraq.

We spent six years trying to figure a way to get out of Iraq. And now we're back. But this time there is an exit strategy. Barack Obama has an exit strategy. In 2016, he's gone." –David Letterman

"Apparently it got very gnarly. The Palins, the whole family, showed up in a stretch hummer at this party and saw a guy who had broken up with Willow, and they all wanted to fight him. Bristol threw punches. Willow wailed on this guy. Todd had a bloody nose. Sarah was screaming, 'Don't you know who I am?!' And Track tore off his shirt and was walking down the street giving everyone the finger. I have only one thing to say about this: 'ISIS, do you really want to mess with this?'" –Bill Maher