The Best 'Real Housewives' Taglines of All Time

The 'Real Housewives' sure know how to make an impression with their taglines

The members of the various 'Real Housewives' casts aren't exactly known for being demure, and their taglines make it clear that these ladies are no shrinking violets. From asking if the police are on their way to claiming to be God's BFF, these women certainly have a way with words. 

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"I'm not a trophy wife, I'm a lifetime achievement award!"

Cary Deuber
Real Housewives of Dallas star Cary Deuber. JB Lacroix/Getty Images/WireImage

'Real Housewives of Dallas' star Cary Deuber isn't afraid to poke fun at her marriage, which she claims is a hot topic among the Dallas socialite set. Cary, who found that the third time is the charm with plastic surgeon hubby, Mark, is clearly confident in her marriage, looks, and arm candy status, but only time will tell which of the three her 'RHoD' co-stars will go after first. While some of her castmates, like LeeAnne Locken, have already insinuated that Cary's a gold-digger, her career as an advanced practice nurse proves that she'd land on her feet, husband or not. 

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"Don't come for me unless I twirl for you."

Kenya Moore
Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kenya Moore. Alexander Tamargo/Getty Images

'Real Housewives of Atlanta' star Kenya Moore has found a catch phrase that makes a big impression while making very little sense. Fans may have initially been confused when the former beauty queen kept trying to make the phrase "twirl" mean something new, but now that Beyoncé has used the expression in song, we're pretty sure Kenya's finally reached that goal. This isn't the only time Beyoncé has borrowed from Kenya's vernacular, however — following her 2013 Super Bowl performance with Destiny's Child, Queen Bey announced that the show had been 'Gone With the Wind Fabulous,' a reference to Kenya's single of the same name. Twirl on that, haters!

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"I'm passionate about dogs, just not crazy about bitches."

Lisa Vanderpump
RHOBH star Lisa Vanderpump. Cindy Ord/Getty Images

Lisa Vanderpump's season six tagline succinctly combines the bold Brit's wry sense of humor and her brutal honesty. The 'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' star's tagline makes mention of her role as a proud mom to a menagerie of animals with her husband Ken Todd, including multiple dogs (most notably Giggy, with whom Lisa regularly hits the red carpet), and a handful of swans. While the acclaimed restaurateur always been one of the cast's most level-headed members, her sharp-tongued tagline makes it clear that she's not above bringing out the claws when need be. 

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"Only God can judge me, and he seems quite impressed."

Phaedra Parks
Phaedra Parks poses at an event for Selling It In the ATL. Getty Images

 Phaedra Parks' family troubles, which include an eight-year prison stint for her husband, Apollo Nida, and an impending divorce, haven't seemed to dampen her spirit one bit. After plenty of televised drama on season seven, Phaedra proved to fans that she's just as strong as ever, creating a tagline for the eighth season of 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' that makes up for its total lack of humility with humor. We wonder if the man upstairs can say the same thing for her jailbird hubby, however.

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"I don't wanna get old."

Vicki Gunvalson
RHOC star Vicki Gunvalson. Donna Ward/Getty Images

 Vicki Gunvalson has been cracking up 'Real Housewives of Orange County' audiences since the show premiered, and it's easy to see why — this brassy grandma's penchant for telling it like it is has served her well, even when things got hairy in the OC. During the show's first season, Vicky didn't mince words when describing herself. Seeing aging as the enemy of social status in Orange County, Vicky made it known that she would do everything in her power to keep the years from showing on her face. 

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"When people tell me I'm fake, I know they're just pulling my leg."

Aviva Drescher
RHONY star Aviva Drescher. Paul Zimmerman/WireImage

With an image-conscious group like the 'Real Housewives of New York," most people would be loath to point out anything that might make them vulnerable, but Aviva Drescher's season six tagline proves that she's not afraid to make light of a difficult situation. Aviva, who lost her leg following an accident when she was a young child and now wears a prosthesis, isn't afraid to ruffle a few feathers with her cheeky tagline. 

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"I don't keep up with the Joneses — I am the Joneses."

NeNe Leakes
RHoA star NeNe Leakes. Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage

NeNe Leakes is, without a shadow of a doubt, the queen bee of the 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' cast. Even thought NeNe left the show's main cast for season eight, appearing in just a few episodes toward the end of the season as a guest star, during her seven seasons on the show, she had some of the best taglines the series has ever seen. We're particularly impressed with this gem, which helped secure her position as HBIC when she used it during seasons one and two. 

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"God is my savior, my husband is my king, and my body? It's sinful."

Alexis Bellino
RHOC star Alexis Bellino. Paul Archuleta/FilmMagic

Alexis Bellino's priorities on 'Real Housewives of Orange County' were pretty clear: staying true to her religious beliefs and wearing a lot of oversized crosses, making sure she was lavishing plenty of affection on her hubby and trampoline magnate, Jim, spending time with her three kids, and keeping her body bikini-ready year-round. While she may have been a bit of a stereotypical California blonde in certain respects, her catchy tagline made it clear that there was a wicked sense of humor under all that family-friendliness.

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"I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm pretty!"

Kristen Taekman
RHONY star Kristen Taekman. Daniel Zuchman/WireImage

'Real Housewives of New York' star Kristen Taekman isn't trying to impress anybody with her smarts, she's just trying to work with what she's got — Mensa's already got plenty of members, anyway. Her season six tagline may not be the most ambitious one we've heard, but it's not always such a bad thing to know your limitations. Considering that Kristen's message could apply to multiple women on multiple 'Housewives' casts, we wonder if she had to duke it out with any of her co-stars to claim this tagline as her own. 

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"Are the police involved?"

Lauri Waring Peterson
RHoC star Lauri Waring Peterson. Angela Weiss/Getty Images

 Lauri Waring Peterson may not have stuck around 'Real Housewives of Orange County' as long as some of her fans would have liked, but during her time on the show, she certainly knew how to ask the pertinent questions, like whether or not the cops had been called. While other housewives use their taglines to pat themselves on the back, Lauri just wants to make sure she's long gone before she hears sirens. 

What will the next great tagline be?

With casts and new housewives hitting the air all the time, only time will tell what kind of clever wordplay these women will come up with next!