Best Tracy Jordan Quotes

Funniest Lines From Tracy Jordan on '30 Rock'

Every week, 30 Rock is full of hilariously quotable lines, none so funny or so flat-out weird as the strangely compelling proclamations of the insane Tracy Jordan. At least part of the effect is in the excellent delivery from actor Tracy Morgan (who's more than a little bit like his character in real life), but I still dare you not to laugh reading over my favorite Tracy Jordan quotes.

From "Hard Ball" (Season 1):

Extolling the virtues of the lunch that Kenneth’s brought him: "I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant."

From "Seinfeld Vision" (Season 2):

Seeing Liz Lemon in a wedding dress: "Oh, no! Did a Korean person die?"

From "The Baby Show" (Season 1):

Getting angry about Josh's impressions of him: "This is untoward! This is not toward!"

From "Jack the Writer" (Season 1):

Giving advice to Kenneth: "Live every week like it's Shark Week."

From "Apollo, Apollo" (Season 3):

Fed up with people criticizing him: "What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!"

From "Pilot" (Season 1):

Explaining his philosophy of life to Liz: "Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets."

From "Jack Gets in the Game" (Season 2):

Broaching a serious topic with Kenneth: "I got something on my mind grapes I need to talk to you about."

From "Somebody to Love" (Season 2):

Telling Jack how to deal with his potential new girlfriend: "Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high-five."

Admonishing a bird: "Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?"

From "Jack-tor" (Season 1):

After Liz erroneously accuses him of illiteracy: "I can't read! I sign my name with an X! I once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent! I think I voted for Nader! NADER!"

From "Secret Santa" (Season 4):

Explaining the conspiracy behind the world's religions: "Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why: It’s because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s."

From "The Source Awards" (Season 1):

To Jack about Jack’s custom vintage of awful sparkling wine: "If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college."

From "Secrets and Lies" (Season 2):

Getting exasperated with assistants Grizz and Dot Com: "Where are the french fries I did not ask for? You guys need to anticipate me!"

Accepting a fake Pacific Rim Emmy: "I do not want to disappoint our Japanese public, especially Godzilla. Hahaha! I’m just kidding, I know he doesn't care what humans do."

From "The Break-Up" (Season 1):

Explaining his ambitions: "I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win world record for biggest mirror."

From "The Collection" (Season 2):

Complaining about his wife: "I’m whipped! Angie got me up at 7:30 today. Did you know that in the morning, they have food, TV, almost everything? It’s pretty good."
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Bell, Josh. "Best Tracy Jordan Quotes." ThoughtCo, Feb. 20, 2016, Bell, Josh. (2016, February 20). Best Tracy Jordan Quotes. Retrieved from Bell, Josh. "Best Tracy Jordan Quotes." ThoughtCo. (accessed November 18, 2017).