Best Tracy Jordan Quotes

Funniest Lines From Tracy Jordan on '30 Rock'

Every week, 30 Rock is full of hilariously quotable lines, none so funny or so flat-out weird as the strangely compelling proclamations of the insane Tracy Jordan. At least part of the effect is in the excellent delivery from actor Tracy Morgan (who's more than a little bit like his character in real life), but I still dare you not to laugh reading over my favorite Tracy Jordan quotes.
01
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From "Hard Ball" (Season 1):

Extolling the virtues of the lunch that Kenneth’s brought him: "I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant."
02
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From "Seinfeld Vision" (Season 2):

Seeing Liz Lemon in a wedding dress: "Oh, no! Did a Korean person die?"
03
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From "The Baby Show" (Season 1):

Getting angry about Josh's impressions of him: "This is untoward! This is not toward!"
04
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From "Jack the Writer" (Season 1):

Giving advice to Kenneth: "Live every week like it's Shark Week."
05
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From "Apollo, Apollo" (Season 3):

Fed up with people criticizing him: "What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!"
06
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From "Pilot" (Season 1):

Explaining his philosophy of life to Liz: "Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets."
07
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From "Jack Gets in the Game" (Season 2):

Broaching a serious topic with Kenneth: "I got something on my mind grapes I need to talk to you about."
08
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From "Somebody to Love" (Season 2):

Telling Jack how to deal with his potential new girlfriend: "Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high-five."

Admonishing a bird: "Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?"

09
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From "Jack-tor" (Season 1):

After Liz erroneously accuses him of illiteracy: "I can't read! I sign my name with an X! I once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent! I think I voted for Nader! NADER!"
10
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From "Secret Santa" (Season 4):

Explaining the conspiracy behind the world's religions: "Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why: It’s because the Pope owns Long John Silver’s."
11
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From "The Source Awards" (Season 1):

To Jack about Jack’s custom vintage of awful sparkling wine: "If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college."
12
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From "Secrets and Lies" (Season 2):

Getting exasperated with assistants Grizz and Dot Com: "Where are the french fries I did not ask for? You guys need to anticipate me!"

Accepting a fake Pacific Rim Emmy: "I do not want to disappoint our Japanese public, especially Godzilla. Hahaha! I’m just kidding, I know he doesn't care what humans do."

13
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From "The Break-Up" (Season 1):

Explaining his ambitions: "I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win world record for biggest mirror."
14
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From "The Collection" (Season 2):

Complaining about his wife: "I’m whipped! Angie got me up at 7:30 today. Did you know that in the morning, they have food, TV, almost everything? It’s pretty good."