Best Trump-Russia Scandal Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Donald Trump's Russia Scandal

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A roundup of the best late-night jokes about President Donald Trump's Russia scandal and the investigation into collusion with Russia.

"It’s come out that President Trump asked two intelligence chiefs to push back against the Russia probe. Trump also asked them to make Melania hold his freakin’ hand." –Conan O'Brien

"Government officials confirmed this afternoon that a person of interest in the FBI's Russia investigation is Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner.

This comes at a bad time, because the Trump administration has just released its budget. Now they must be like, “Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money.” –James Corden

"Donald Trump is out of the country, but his scandals aren’t. On Monday, it was revealed that Trump asked two intelligence chiefs to deny that his campaign had any ties to Russia. This is shocking. I’m not saying Trump is participating in a cover-up, but I’d say he is participating in some kind of weird comb-over." –James Corden

"This Russian investigation into Trump is like one of those Russian nesting dolls, except every time you open one, the doll inside is somehow bigger. And instead of it being a doll, it’s a horrible conspiracy concocted by Russian hackers to systematically erode America’s democratic freedoms." –James Corden

"Today, the former head of the CIA told investigators that the Russians “brazenly interfered” with our election and actively contacted members of the Trump administration.

And according to The Washington Post, the president asked two top intelligence officials to publicly deny evidence of collusion, and also asked them to find ways to get FBI Director James Comey to drop his investigation. Just like an innocent person would do." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Trump said today he never mentioned the word "Israel" as the source of intelligence about ISIS during a meeting with Russian officials.

Dude, nobody said you did. That's like if your wife said, "Are you having an affair?" And you said, "I am not sleeping with Jenna." –Seth Meyers

"Meanwhile, Trump started tweeting again. Today he criticized the Russia investigation, saying, “This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history.” Then one guy was like, “Do you still want to see my birth certificate?” –Jimmy Fallon

It’s been a wild week for President Donald Trump. On Wednesday, the Justice Department appointed a special counsel to investigate Trump’s connections to Russia. Robert Mueller will be the special counsel. And today, Trump reacted by saying, “No fair, why does that guy get to be called special?” –James Corden

"I’m kidding; Trump reacted by tweeting, of course. This morning, Donald Trump tweeted that he is the victim of “the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history.” The single greatest — even when he’s whining, Trump still has to be the greatest." –James Corden

"President Trump is having one heck of a week. The Justice Department appointed a special counsel to investigate ties between his campaign and Russia, which he did not like at all. But sources inside the White House say when he found out about it, he didn’t yell or scream.

He told his staff, “We have nothing to hide.” He was calm. He punched Sean Spicer in the stomach a few times." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Trump today called the appointment of a special counsel to investigate his campaign’s ties to Russia “the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history.” Though it didn’t help his case much when he flew away on a broom." –Seth Meyers

"The Justice Department yesterday appointed former FBI Director Robert Mueller as special counsel to oversee the investigation into Trump and Russia. “I’m gonna get to the bottom of this,” said Donald Trump to a pint of Haagen-Dazs." –Seth Meyers

"The Washington Post is reporting that President Trump revealed classified information to Russian officials in the Oval Office last week. And there’s talk that Congress might investigate him for it.

Trump says he has nothing to hide and that he’ll fire whoever’s investigating him anyway. So, doesn’t matter." –Jimmy Fallon

"The president, I’m sure you know, fired FBI Director James Comey last week and then tweeted this. He wrote, “James Comey better hope there are no ‘tapes’ of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!” I don’t know, if I was Donald Trump I wouldn’t mention tapes and leaking in the same sentence. Just in case." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Lawmakers in Washington are now demanding if there are tapes, Trump turn them over. Not just Democrats, but Republicans like Sen. Lindsey Graham are urging the White House to clear the air too. Here’s the thing: Donald Trump will never release tapes because the only tapes he has were recorded on the “Access Hollywood” bus." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump revealed secret information about ISIS to the Russian foreign minister and ambassador. Trump was like, “Don’t worry, I traded the information for three magic beans."–Jimmy Fallon

"The big story today is that Donald Trump shared secret information with the Russians last week. The good news for Trump is that he’s been named Employee of the Month by Russia." –James Corden

"According to the New York Times, President Trump asked former FBI Director James Comey to shut down the investigation into former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. And that comes on the heels of revelations that Trump shared highly classified information with Russian officials last week. You know, at this point, I’d give anything to return to the simpler days of the campaign. The days when the only thing he gave away was his autograph." –Seth Meyers

"National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster today defended President Trump for sharing classified information with Russia, saying, “The president wasn’t even aware where the information came from.” Well, that doesn’t surprise me. I would bet Trump isn’t even sure where babies come from." –Seth Meyers

"Apparently — this is being reported in the Washington Post — Trump was showing off for his guests telling the Russians: “I get great Intel.

I have people brief me on great Intel every day.” Well, yeah. You’re the president. It’s the job." –Stephen Colbert

"Israel was the source of the intelligence Trump gave to the Russians. And oopsa shalom — Trump is scheduled to visit Israel next week. That is really going to be one awkward state dinner. “Mr. President, can you please pass the hummus, or would you prefer to pass it directly to Russia?" –Stephen Colbert

"The Washington Post this evening reported that President Trump revealed highly classified information to the Russian foreign minister and ambassador during their closed-door meeting last week. You have to be kidding me! How can you let highly classified information fall into the hands of Donald Trump?" –Seth Meyers

"Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news: The Washington Post reports that Trump revealed highly classified information to the Russian foreign minister and ambassador. Good news: Trump found the leaker." –Stephen Colbert

"The big story still is Trump firing FBI Director James Comey, and it turns out Comey had six years left on his 10-year term. It’s easier get out of your FBI contract than it is your AT&T contract." –Jimmy Fallon

"In the middle of all this, Trump met with the Russian foreign minister yesterday and the White House says Russia tricked them by posting photos of the meeting. Got suspicious when the photographer told Trump, “OK, now do silly one when you hold up nuclear codes." –Jimmy Fallon

"The next season of “Scandal” will be its last. ABC is ending “Scandal.” Fortunately, the White House picked it up for four more seasons." –Jimmy Fallon

"Today Donald Trump signed an executive order to establish a commission to investigate voter fraud. Trump says that he and his commission want to make sure every American gets a vote, and that every Russian gets two." –James Corden

"Everyone is very focused on the Comey firing and whether Trump’s people colluded with the Russians — and all that is important. But I think this is even more important. Because forget everything politically, forget everything you believe for a minute, forget whether you’re a Democrat or Republican. Just clear your mind and ask yourself, what kind of a person thinks he came up with the phrase “priming the pump?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Yesterday, President Trump tweeted that the investigation into ties between his campaign and Russia is a “taxpayer-funded charade.” And he said he’d be even angrier about it if he were a taxpayer." –Jimmy Fallon

"In her testimony, Sally Yates said she warned White House officials about Mike Flynn being compromised by the Russians. Yates also tried to warn Mike Pence, but every time she entered the room he yelled, “Out, temptress!" –Conan O'Brien

"The White House is saying Comey has been fired for his handling of the Hillary Clinton email investigation. Other people are saying he’s being fired because of the Russia investigation. While I say Comey is being fired because Donald Trump is crazy!" –James Corden

"He fired the director of the FBI while the director was investigating his people for possible collusion with Russia. This is unbelievable. This is the kind of thing dictators do. This is the kind of thing reality TV hosts do, they fire someone every week." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Why didn’t Trump heed this warning? Sources say Trump thought Obama was joking. You know, that old joke: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” “He’s working for the Russians. And it’s actually Michael Flynn in a chicken costume." –Stephen Colbert

"Tonight President Trump gave his first TV interview since he fired the director of the FBI on Tuesday. You know, one of the reasons they’re giving for that firing is that Trump said James Comey lost the trust of rank and file FBI agents. And today the acting head of the FBI, Andrew McCabe, flatly contradicted that. He said the vast majority of agents hold a deep positive connection to Director Comey. So he’s fired too, then, right? Everybody’s fired." –Jimmy Kimmel

"I think the strategist thing about how all this went down is that Trump fired James Comey by letter. He had a letter delivered to his office at the FBI. He didn’t even say, “You’re fired,” which is his catch phrase! It would be like Arnold Schwarzenegger leaving a party and just going, “See ya.” –Jimmy Kimmel

"Acting FBI Director Andrew McCabe testified before the Senate Intelligence Committee today. It went like this: “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” “I do.” “OK. You’re fired.” –Seth Meyers