Bill Clinton Jokes

Late-Night Jokes Lampooning President Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton Jokes

See Also:
Funniest Bill Clinton Memes
Funniest Bill Clinton Memes
Funniest Donald Trump Memes
Funniest Barack Obama Memes

"There are reports that Bill Clinton encouraged Donald Trump to run for president. When asked about it, Bill Clinton said, 'It hasn't been this tense around my house since … well, you know…'" –Conan O'Brien

"This week Hillary Clinton launches the tour for her new book. When he heard Bill Clinton said, 'I'm so proud of her, and what day exactly is she leaving?'" –Conan O'Brien

"When asked if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Bill Clinton said, 'She's having a little fun being a private citizen.' And then he added, 'Not Bill Clinton fun, but fun nonetheless." –Conan O'Brien

"It's really starting to look like Hillary Clinton's going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama's campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run. They're starting early because they've got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton's browser history." –Conan O'Brien

"In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said her guilty pleasure is eating chocolate. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton said his guilty pleasure is being Bill Clinton." –Conan O'Brien

"Bill Clinton was being interview recently, and he said that despite all the speculation, Hillary hasn't said anything to him about running for president in 2016. Though in fairness, she hasn't said anything to him since 1998." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bill Clinton now says he wishes he had supported gay marriage back when he was president.

Clinton said at the time he was too busy campaigning for open marriage." –Conan O'Brien

"Presidents Day, of course, started out as celebration of Washington's birthday. Then someone remembered it was Lincoln's birthday on the 12th. So now we celebrate Washington, Lincoln and all the other Presidents.

I have no idea how this led to mattress sales. It's probably something do with Bill Clinton." –Craig Ferguson

"Bill Clinton is reportedly very upset that Anthony Weiner is comparing his sexting scandal to Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsy. Today Bill Clinton said, 'Real men cheat in person.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Last year the expenses of the living exp residents cost us taxpayers almost 4 million. The cost were mostly due to secret service pensions and Bill Clinton's party bus." –Conan O'Brien

"There's a photo from the Inauguration in which Former President Bill Clinton appears to be checking out Kelly Clarkson. Clinton said, 'That's not true, I was checking out Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson got in the way.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Bill Clinton will be at the Democratic convention. Say what you will, but Clinton is still polling very well. I tell you, sometimes these jokes just write themselves." –David Letterman

"Former President Bill Clinton will be in Charlotte tomorrow night. And he'll also be at the convention." –David Letterman

"What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement? A patent violation?" –Jon Stewart on Anthony Weiner calling to apologize to Bill Clinton, who officiated at his wedding

"This is true: Congressman Wiener phoned Bill Clinton to apologize.

I'm like, 'What for?' Maybe he's apologizing for not telling him about all the sexy things you can do on the Internet." –Craig Ferguson

"Bill Clinton recently revealed that he only sent two e-mails while he was President. Then he added, "And it turns out those pills are just a scam." –Jimmy Fallon

"I think it was Bill Clinton who popularized the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. But don't confuse that with another Clinton policy — 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell Hillary.' That was a whole different policy." –David Letterman

"Bill Clinton is auctioning off a dinner with him and three of your friends for charity. When asked what the cause was, he said, 'Cause Hillary's out of town.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Former President Bill Clinton talked to Senate Democrats about the healthcare bill. And he told them not to make the same mistakes he and Hillary did.

That's what he said, yeah. As a result, the senators all went home and got a divorce." –Conan O'Brien

"In a new book, President Obama's former campaign manager said that because of Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton was not chosen as Obama's running mate. Yeah, Hillary was very mad at Bill, and in fact, to punish him, she made him move from the couch to their bed." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bill Clinton revealed that he now supports same-sex marriage, even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage." --Jimmy Fallon

"It's a great day for our former President Bill Clinton. He went to North Korea and negotiated the release of two female journalists. He did it! Clinton agreed to go as soon as he found out the mission was picking up chicks." --Craig Ferguson

"Today, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have been jailed since March. Isn't that great? This is big, yeah. Or as Clinton calls it, another Asian happy ending." --Conan O'Brien

"President Brack Obama has relaxed the White House dress code. He's the first president to do that since Bill Clinton, who, of course, established 'Pants-Free Friday.'" --David Letterman

"The entire island of Martha's Vineyard has gone Obama crazy. There's even a cocktail that they've named after Barack Obama. It's called the Obamarita. Not to be confused with a cocktail inspired by John McCain, the Cosmopoligrip.

And then there was one a couple of years ago inspired by George W. Bush, the Mojidiot. Of course, there was the Bill Clinton Screwdriver." --David Letterman

"Oh, here's good news. I guess the House of Representatives has passed President Obama's stimulus package...You know it's interesting, when Bill Clinton needed stimulus for his package, he just called an intern." --David Letterman

"The boyhood home of Bill Clinton has been designated as a National Historic Site. It's great, but I hope it stops there. Because there are a million places that can say 'Bill Clinton Slept Here.'" –Craig Ferguson