20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentine's Day Cards

You'll do valentine
Via SmudgedInkStudio on Etsy.
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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

funny honest valentine
Via Spade Stationary on Etsy.

Valentine's Day is designed to be a day of love; a day to celebrate the joy of having found that special someone; a day for romance! It's the one holiday every year when people who are normally not particularly sentimental find themselves forced to fake it till they make it. Suddenly people are scrambling to find the perfect gift - maybe some crappy candy in a heart-shaped box, some overpriced flowers, sexy lingerie... or just a heartfelt greeting card. 

Instead of being mushy, what would happen if we all suddenly dropped the pretense and said what we really think about V-day? Instead of "I love you," what if we were brutally honest with our mates in the name of humor? We're talking to the people who know us best, after all! They've smelled our morning breath and have probably seen us at our absolute worst, yet they still like us! Now that's love.

These hilarious and brutally honest Valentine's Day cards shove their way past pleasantries and tell it like it really is! Plus, all 20 cards are available to download on Etsy. Enjoy!

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

shave legs valentine
Via Rosie Illustrates on Etsy.

Shave your legs in winter? HA! Yeah right. I believe it was ye olde sage Meatloaf who said it best: "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that." 

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

funny valentine
Via LeopardPrintCards on Etsy.

Anyone who has ever lived through a post-snow storm melt can tell you how enduring those dirty snow banks are. (The answer is pretty. Pretty enduring.)

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

Phone Bed Valentine
Via SaritaPaperita on Etsy.

Ain't that the truth? 

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

I love your stupid face
Via CreativitaShop on Etsy.

Now that is sweet. Who says romance is dead? 

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

robot valentine's day card
Via DebmonDesign on Etsy.

This is the kind of compliment you wish he'd kept to himself.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

honest valentine
Via Darwin Designs Cards on Etsy.

There's nothing quite like the comfort of a relationship based on a solid foundation of complacency and laziness.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

wish it was you valentine
Via LexDesignsUK on Etsy.

This one is for those of us who like to keep it saucy.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

funny valentine
Via Simply Said Paper Co on Etsy.

This is my main requirement in a mate as well. Well, this and an encyclopedic knowledge of obscure movie quotes.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

rude valentine
Via ckhamArt on Etsy.

This card is going right up on the fridge. Or possibly even into a frame!

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

funny honest valentine
Via kwohtations on Etsy.

Perhaps some fiber would help. What's the mental equivalent of prune juice? Is it Keeping Up With The Kardashians? I'm thinking yes.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

poor valentine
Via MODbyMel.

Stupid money, always getting in the way of things I want to do.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

favorite asshole valentine
Via HonestAF Cards on Etsy.

Hope this takes the sting out of being called an a--hole.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

Prosecco Burps Valentine
Via WeArePaperPlane on Etsy.

Love is tolerating, not necessarily accepting, the bodily noises (and smells) of another person. If you can do that, the rest is easy. 

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

cock rooster valentine
Via Rockabelle3PhotoArt on Etsy.

Wait, nice rooster? Nice chicken? I don't get it!

Just kidding. Right this way, Mr. Doodle-Doo.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

that thing I never do valentine
Via Objectables on Etsy.

That sounds like a promise. A sexy promise.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

You'll do valentine
Via SmudgedInkStudio on Etsy.

This card is the perfect way to tell that special someone that he's not Mr. Right, he's Mr. Right Now. Sweet.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

mental issues valentine
Via BettieConfetti on Etsy.

So you've got more issues than People magazine? Who cares? I love People magazine. It's pretty much all I ever read at the dentist's office.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

Via Ohh Deer.

This is real talk, right ladies? Only we know how truly skeevy that favorite bra gets before we risk sending it through the wash... and we'll never tell.

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20 Funny (and Brutally Honest) Valentines

avoiding people valentine
Via appyCrocodileUK on Etsy.

Avoiding people is much more fun when you've got someone to do it with. Now get out there and tell someone that you love them. Honesty is the best policy! Happy Valentine's Day.

NEXT UP: Just be glad your maiden name doesn't spell out something awkward when combined with your husband's name. These are 20 funny but truly unfortunate wedding name combinations!