Carly Fiorina Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Republican Carly Fiorina

See Also:

Funny Trump Memes
Funny Ted Cruz Memes
Funny Bernie Memes
Funny Hillary Memes
Funny GOP Primary Memes

"Today, Carly Fiorina was announced as Ted Cruz's running mate. Fiorina said it's always been her lifelong dream to lose twice in the same election." –Jimmy Fallon

"Earlier today, despite losing five primaries, Ted Cruz stunned everybody by announcing his vice presidential candidate is Carly Fiorina.

This means Fiorina is now just a heartbeat away from never being president." –Conan O'Brien

"You almost have to hand it to Ted Cruz. Even though he lost all five primaries, today he named a running mate. He named Carly Fiorina as his running mate. For what, I don't know. Maybe they plan to go running together." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Should he win the nomination, Ted Cruz has selected former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina as his running mate. But, unfortunately, he did so by announcing, 'Ted Cruz has HP VP!'" –Seth Meyers

"Republican hopeful Carly Fiorina said on Sunday that Ted Cruz will say 'whatever he needs to say' to win the election. And it's true. Just this morning, Ted Cruz said 'Hi, I'm Hillary Clinton.'" –Seth Meyers

"The fifth Republican debate was the third most-watched primary debate ever — 18 million viewers tuned in. More people watched the debate than the season finale of 'The Voice.' Maybe Carly Fiorina is the new Gwen Stefani." –Jimmy Kimmel

"GOP candidate Carly Fiorina is being criticized for repeatedly changing the story of how she met Vladimir Putin, where they met, and what they talked about. In other words, they DEFINITELY met on Tinder." –Jimmy Fallon

"Carly Fiorina would go back to that one week when she had great poll numbers. Just kidding — Carly Fiorina would go back to when she laid off 30,000 HP employees just to cackle and taste the blood again." –James Corden

"Carly Fiorina said that after the previous debate, people told her that she needed to smile more. They were like, 'Just pretend you're laying off a bunch of people.'" –Jimmy Fallon

More 2016 Election Jokes

"Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them 'anxious.' And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them 'Canadian.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump announced that he's not going to participate in the Fox News debate tomorrow night. The other candidates are really excited to present their views in a serious, yet respectful manner — which means they haven't been told that nobody is going to watch this one." –Jimmy Fallon

"Trump said that he's not going to the Fox News debate, because moderator Megyn Kelly is biased against him. And Trump has a right to be scared, because usually when a younger, attractive woman disagrees with him, she ends up taking half his stuff." –Jimmy Fallon

"In New Hampshire, somebody broke into Rand Paul's campaign headquarters. Police became suspicious when they noticed someone in Rand Paul's campaign headquarters." –Conan O'Brien

"A lot of people think that when the Republican field clears it will come down to Jeb Bush and Donald Trump.

Kind of like the race between the tortoise and the bad hair." –Jimmy Fallon

"The Republican presidential debate is tomorrow night. People have already come up with drinking games for it. The most popular game is the one where you skip the debate and go out drinking." –Conan O'Brien

"Among the debaters tomorrow night is Ben Carson who is a neurosurgeon. Carson says he's not there to debate, he's there to diagnose exactly what's wrong with Donald Trump." –Conan O'Brien

"In an interview yesterday, Lindsey Graham discussed his foreign policy and said if people are worn out by war, quote, 'Don't vote for me.' Graham's supporters appreciate his honesty, while his opponents appreciate the sound bite they can use in their attack ads." –Jimmy Fallon

"A researcher found lyrics to a song that Woody Guthrie wrote over 50 years ago about Donald Trump's father, Fred Trump.

I believe it was called, this land is my land and this land is my land, and this land is also my land." –Jimmy Fallon

"During a speech on Friday, Senator Ted Cruz said that if you walk up to someone and say 'Joe Biden,' the person will crack up laughing. Which is the same reaction you get if you say 'President Ted Cruz.” –Seth Meyers

"Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to go under he should turn it into a Trump property." –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday in Iowa just four supporters showed up to eat lunch with Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum. It's always a bad sign when your entire voter base can fit in a deli booth." –Conan O'Brien