Chemistry Element Jokes and Puns

Chemistry Jokes about Elements and the Periodic Table

Chemists are so punny!
Chemists are so punny!. Mordolff / Getty Images

You don't hear a lot of jokes, puns, or riddles in physics and biology, but chemistry is full of them. Here is a collection of reader-submitted chemistry jokes and puns. Some of them are groaners, but some are quite funny.

  • I told a chemistry joke..... There was no reaction.
  • Why are helium, curium, and barium the three main medical elements? If you can't curium or helium, you barium!
  • Are you hydrogen? Why? Because I can't live without you.
  • Are you 11 protons? 'Cause you are sodium fine.
  • What did the chemist say to motivate his team? We ARGON to BARIUM.
  • What don't you understand about copper? It makes perfect CENTS!
  • A good way to remember gold is "Au gimme that gold".
  • What do you do with a dead scientist? You barium. That's if you can't helium or curium.
  • A wrestler holding down an opponent may have a NEON him.
  • Two chemists walk into a bar, the first says I will have some H2O and the second one says I will have some H2O too and the second one dies! Hahaha (get it... H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide and you can't drink it or you will die)
  • What happened to the chemist in the cave - Berkelium (bear kill him)
  • Hey want to hear a joke about potassium?... K
  • You must be ethidium bromide, because I'm tangled in your double helix.
  • Are you made out of beryllium, ununtrium, and titanium ? Cause you're a BeUTi ( beauty )
  • Do particles with multiple helium isotopes have mass? Only the Catholic ones!
  • Are you feeling under the weather today? Because you look like you're Na fine.
  • Sooo I was gonna tell you a joke about sodium and hydrogen......but NaH.
  • So an atom walks into a bar with a gun and the bartender says "Who are you and what do you want?" to which the atom replies "The name's Bond, Ionic Bond, and I want an electron taken, not shared."
  • What do you do to dead elements? You barium.
  • I was looking for sodium on the periodic table, but then it told me it was not available! (Na)
  • What do you say when: oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous walk into a bar? OH SNaP!
  • Knock Knock, Who's There? Beryl. Beryl who? Beryl and Lium
  • Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? Because you're so fine! F is fluorine, I is iodine, and Ne is the element symbol for neon.
  • What did the chemist do when he cut his leg? He put his neon (knee on) a table to bandage it up.
  • Chemistry jokes are sodium funny! Hah... say it out loud.
  • sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!!
  • Argon walks into a bar. Bar man says, "We don't serve noble gases." Argon doesn't react.
  • I am a superhero Fe= Iron Male= man Therefore I am iron man.
  • What is the element's favorite carnival ride? The Ferrous Wheel, of course!
  • Forget hydrogen you're my number one element.
  • When someone I don't like asks me to hang out I tell them sodium hydrogen (NaH)
  • Did you hear Oxygen and Potassium went on a date? Yeah, it went OK.
  • Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up last night? OMg
  • Are you a mixture of Fluoride, Iodine, and Nitrogen cause you are fine :D
  • You wanna hear a joke about potassium?.......K ? You wanna hear a joke about sodium?.......Na You wanna hear a joke about silicon?........Si  You wanna year a joke about nitrogen and oxygen?.......NO You wanna hear a joke about tungsten?........W
  • Teacher: Do you know your elements? Student: yeah, maybe... Teacher: isotope so.
  • Are you made of copper and tellurium?? Because you're pretty CuTe!
  • Q: Why does helium laugh so much? A: Because it goes HeHe
  • Chemist 1: do you have any sodium bromate? Chemist 2: NaBrO
  • What does a metal miner write home in a letter to his girlfriend? I am zincing of you all the time!
  • What does Uranium, Nickel, Cobalt, and Radon spell? UNiCoRn!
  • Guys, stop it with the puns. We've all sulfured enough.
  • My jokes are kinda boron.. but a lot of the good ones argon. I'd pay a nickel to hear another joke. These are comedy gold.
  • I was going to tell a periodic table joke but all them argon.
  • They were standing in their yards. Pop the Cd In neighbor!
  • Come on guys, these chemistry jokes are getting a bit boron.
  • Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium??? A: HeHe
  • What do you say when someone takes your gold watch? Au come back with my watch!
  • What did the elements say to hydrogen? What a loner!
  • Billy was a chemist's son but now he is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4!
  • Q: What did one ion say to another? A: I've got my ion you.
  • My dog died so I had to barium.
  • Protons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic?
  • You're so boron I'm going to go find a krypton to barium in.
  • A neutron went to buy a drink. He asked the employee how much it is. Employee: For you, no charge! Proton 1: Hey, that man just got a free drink! Proton 2: Are you sure? Proton 1: I'm positive!
  • Obama is giving his speech. Joe Wilson says: "U Li!!"
  • This joke is sodium good. (you have to hear it to get it...:)
  • You want to hear a joke about sodium? NA! You want to hear a joke about potassium? K!
  • How did the boss speak to the very lazy employee? Fermium, of course!
  • What do you get when you mix helium with steel? flying cars
  • A teacher asks their class what the molecular formula for water is. A student replies HijklmnO. The teacher says no you're wrong. Then the student says didn't you say the formula was H to O
  • Two guys walk into a restaurant. One guy says "I would like some H2O2." The other guy says "I would like some H2O too (H2O2)." The waiter comes and the second guy dies.
  • All the elements are sitting at the dinner table and neon says" Helium don't eat too much! You're gonna get fat!" Helium says " No I'm not, I'm the second lightest here!"
  • First person: Do I have a joke on sodium?? Answer: Na
  • What element did the dinosaurs say killed them? Argon
  • Joke: what does the chemist tell his friends when he goes into an eatery? "When I go into a restaurant, iodine."
  • What is uranium + fluorine + oxygen? Answer: UFO
  • We should just find all the bad chemistry jokes and just barium.
  • Teacher: What's the molecular formula of water? Student: HIJKLMNO Teacher: No, that's wrong. Student: But didn't you say water is "H to O"?
  • Carbon was saying to oxygen hey did you hear about the new phone company O2? And then oxygen said yeah they named it after me. HAHAHAHA
  • Helium walks into a store and asks for his nickel but the manager said, "Your brother?" Get it? They are both on the periodic table!
  • 1st Person: Do you like Iron man, coz I do! 2nd Person: No, he just a big Fe Male!
  • What is a house cat's favorite chemical compound? MoUSe
  • I would tell you a good element joke, but they ARGON!!!
  • What do you call iron blowing in the breeze? Febreeze
  • Silicon jokes: Q: Is silicon the same in Spanish? | A: Si
  • Q.Why do chems call Helium, Curium and Barium, phenetical elements? A. coz if you can't Helium or Curium, YOU BARIUM
  • Person 1: Does anyone know any good jokes about sodium? Person 2: Na 
  • Anyone know any sodium, bromine, or Oxygen jokes? Na BrO
  • Chemistry jokes are sodium funny. Hahahahahaahaha 
  • Argon walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve nobles gasses here." Argon doesn't react.
  • Let's head on down to the cemetery and get our Krypton.
  • Ii would say a good chem joke but all the good ones ARGON
  • Did you hear? Oxygen and magnesium got together?? OMg!!
  • Why did the scientist want carbon, Arsenic, and Hydrogen? It makes CAsH
  • So some helium walks into the bar and says "lets Barium!!!" everyone screamed. "why are you screaming?" Asked helium  "Cause you want to bury um!!"
  • A man walks into a bar and asks for H2O then a 2nd man comes in and asks for H2O too. The second man died. (The 2nd man asked for H2O2, which is liquid poison.)
  • A neutron walks into a bar and says "How much for a beer?" The barman says "For you NO CHARGE" 
  • Q: If H2O is the formula for ice, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
  • These element jokes are so dead, we should barium.
  • Hydrogen and Oxygen walk into a bar and see Gold... they say Au, get outta the bar!
  • Q: What did the copper say to the steel-er? A: Cesium
  • What does a good doctor do for his patients? --Helium
  • What's the best formula for breakfast? Barium, Cobalt, and Nitrogen (BaCoN)
  • What did the bar-tender say when Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walked into his bar? "OH SNaP!"
  • What song starts with Oxygen Hydrogen Sodium Sodium? Oh Na Na, what's my name.
  • A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
  • So one guy says to another 'Wanna hear a potassium joke?' K
  • What did two scientists do when their test subject died? Barium
  • What animal do you get when you take out the T, A and I in the word Potassium. Possum.
  • If "Fe" is Iron, then does that mean that a Female is Iron Man?
  • Sodium Bromate Joke: Want some sodium bromate? Na BrO!
  • I would tell you a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon!
  • Want me to tell a potassium joke? K.... Will you accept a sodium joke? Na, im fine
  • I don't want to tell jokes in class because I might get NO REACTION
  • What do tomb robbers do to pyramids? -Radium What did the king say to the guard when the prisoner escaped? -"Cesium!"
  • Susan was in chemistry. Susan is no more, for what she thought was H2O was H2SO4
  • How did Arsenals become a strong club in English premier league? Because they are bronzed with Arsenic.
  • What will happen if you get into water and can't zwim? Zinc!
  • What sharp object do you get when you combine potassium, nickel, and iron? -- KNiFe
  • Carbon! - The happy Frenchman's opinion after buying his new automobile.
  • When my wealthy old aunt passed away I got all the antimony!
  • What's the name of the element that comes after nine? -- Tin
  • What's the first thing a teenager does after school? -- Radon food in the fridge
  • What did the cowboy do with his horse? -- Rhodium Where did he do it? -- Holmium on the Range
  • What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium. (Explanation: bury 'em, bury them sounds like barium)
  • Zinc Element Joke: Where do you put dirty dishes? In the zinc.