Chemistry Jokes from Readers

Readers Share Their Favorite Chemistry Jokes

I would tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.
I would tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon. Rosanne Olson, Getty Images

Chemistry is funny and chemists have a great sense of humor! Do you have a chemistry joke or riddle or are you looking for one? Here is a collection of chemistry jokes shared by readers of About.com Chemistry:

Basic Chemistry Joke

Are all my jokes too basic for you? Why is there no reaction?

—lmao

Assault

My Chemistry teacher threw sodium chloride at me.... That's a salt!

—That One Girl

Little Willie

Little Willie was a chemist.

Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H.

—Finn

Sulfur Oxygen

Sulfur and Oxygen were best buds. They lived far from each other, so in order for Oxygen to chat with his pal, he had to use his Sulfone!

—mr sweg

Nitroxide

Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO..

—Ali

Uncertainty and Observation

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was." The cop begins to be suspicious and proceeds to search the car. Upon opening the trunk he exclaims "Hey, you have a dead cat back here." to which Schrodinger replies "Well now I do! Thanks."

—T-Dub

Na

Doctor:do you want to here a joke about sodium? child:yes!!! Doctor:Na.

—melania

bro might i recommend this one?

hydrogen combined with oxygen. but oxygen wasn't feeling too happy.

the reaction wasn't strong today. Bromide, Iron, iodine, were good friends. Sodium was a lone-wolf. Hydrogen picked a fight with Bromide so his friends got involved in the reaction. Hydrogen said, "Hi, dro" Bromide said "Bro! Mide 'I' say something" Iodine said "Wait, I o' din' nothing, talk about fear" Iodine left...

Iron said "I-I-Iron do nothing man! serious" Hydrogen said "gen's, get dro facts straight" Bromide said "Bro, i only have circles, please!" Iron said "I o' din' nothing so I ain' givin my electrons" Hydrogen said " you better give my oxygen some man" Iron quickly said "Iron doing nothin' man, so i'll go get oxy" meanwhile bromide let off a fart and iron burnt with oxygen and hydrogen got so angry it fused to helium and the a squeaky pop was created. The pop was muffled by the fart and the burnt Iron let off heat and the lab exploded. The coppers came and Iodine once again, said "I ain't doin nothing!!!"

—inferno

No jokes, no problem

I'm running out of chemistry jokes. All the good ones Argon.

—Bruiser with a Loser

Chemist's pants

Why did the chemist's pants keep falling down? He had no acetol.

—gestaltyDogg

Sodium Joke

9 sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by batman.

—Big Will

Mr. Chemist

old chemist never die they only fail to react as a chemist

—mu'azu gambo

This guy

The guy next to me asked me if I had any Hypo Bromide, he said NaBrO

—Ducks On Toast

Ytterbium

What did the nerd say when he failed a test? "Ytterbium"

— Eric

proton and nutron walking down the street

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.

The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."

—P.julee

Hey, Chemistry Cat

Random Person: Why do you react violently when we put you in H20? Chemistry Cat: Because my race contains iron, lithium and neon = FeLiNe origins.

—aistrftw

Ground State

Why do hamburgers have lower energy than steak? Because it's in a ground state.

—Alex P.

Two men walk into a bar...

First man orders "I'd like H2O". The second man orders "I'd like H2O too". The second man died

—Bar Tender

joke

I zinc we are done because all the good jokes argon!

—j-mamma

crazy atom

The atom asks the electron why are you small the electron replies because I have a low charge!

—riley

Joke

This joke is sodium funny...I slapped my neon that one :)

—Em

Joke; Pick-up line

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution! Here is a pick-up line: You must be copper and tellurium cause you sure are CuTe! tehee

—Electronegative Nancy

Insults

He was a boron; he couldn't even follow the octet rule. He had a solid network but wasn't a diamond. To a chemist only six states matter.

—e^x

drinking

A neutron walked into a bar and asked how much for a drink. The bartender replied, 'for you, no charge.'

—andrew

funniest chemistry joke ever

What's the difference between cooking and chemistry? In chemistry you cant lick the spoon.

—helium

Where are the jokes?

All of the good chemistry jokes argon now... (Argon is an element on the periodic table of the elements)

—OrgoChem37

James Bond

In the world of chemicals, a constant battle rages between the chemical supervillains and the chemical super agents. The most esteemed of these is one (OO)7, international dyeing agent of mystery. On one particularly hairy mission, he finds himself pitted against the evil genius of lore, Dr. Nitrogen Monoxide, who has set a devious trap in the form of an ordinary piece of white cloth. After falling through a cleverly placed mechanosensitive membrane protein, (OO)7 is shocked to find himself soaking in to a tightly bound mesh of cotton fibers. (He is, after all, a dyeing agent.) In desperation, he calls to his nemesis, "Do you expect me to talk, NO?" The villain only chuckles maniacally. "No Mr. Dye, I expect you to bond."

—Argo

the noble gases

The noble gases walk into a bar. No one reacts. (ba-dum tss!)

—Brain made of Boron

Wanted

Wanted by the Law: Schrodinger's Cat, Dead And/Or Alive

—Sheriff

In the interest of space, I did not publish all of the chemistry jokes submitted here, but continued adding them on my blog. If you need more jokes, you may browse them or add your own!