Science, Tech, Math › Science Chemistry Jokes, Puns, and Riddles Share Flipboard Email Print Ffoto Fictions/Getty Images Science Chemistry Chemistry In Everyday Life Basics Chemical Laws Molecules Periodic Table Projects & Experiments Scientific Method Biochemistry Physical Chemistry Medical Chemistry Famous Chemists Activities for Kids Abbreviations & Acronyms Biology Physics Geology Astronomy Weather & Climate By Anne Marie Helmenstine, Ph.D. Chemistry Expert Ph.D., Biomedical Sciences, University of Tennessee at Knoxville B.A., Physics and Mathematics, Hastings College Dr. Helmenstine holds a Ph.D. in biomedical sciences and is a science writer, educator, and consultant. She has taught science courses at the high school, college, and graduate levels. our editorial process Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter Anne Marie Helmenstine, Ph.D. Updated January 28, 2020 Chemistry terminology and jargon is ripe for puns and intellectual humor. Below is a collection of chemistry jokes, puns, riddles, and one-liners. Old Chemist One-Liner Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting. Coffee Riddle What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2 Banana Riddle What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2 Dead Chemists What should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium! Dental Chemistry Riddle What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution. Ion Riddle What did one charged atom say to the other? I've got my ion you. pH Chemistry Joke Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it's pretty basic stuff. Spy Chem What is the name of agent 007's Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond. Medical Elements Joke Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium! Diamond Riddle What element is a girl's future best friend? Carbon. Element Laughter What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe Neutral Neutron A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I'd like a coke."The shopkeeper serves up the coke."How much will that be?" asks the neutron.The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge." Norse Chemistry What element derives from a Norse god? Thorium. Mole Riddle Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number! Particle Charge Joke A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. The proton says, "Stop, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it." The neutron asks, "Are you sure?" The proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive." Peroxide Joke Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first chemist says, "I'll have H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll have an H2O too."... and he died. TV Chemistry What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI Words from Element Symbols I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO. Lawyer Chemistry Joke Why can't lawyers do NMR? Bar magnets have poor homogeneity. Chemistry Lab Safety What is the most important chemistry rule? Never lick the spoon! Mole Joke What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one. Gas Chromatography Joke What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety. Interview Joke Question at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate), Answer: double time. Chemistry Poem Poor Willie worked in chem lab. Poor Willie is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4! Assault and Battery What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery. Why Chemists Are Great Why are chemists so great at solving problems? Answer: Because they have all the solutions. Alphabet Chemistry Riddle What is "HIJKLMNO"? H2O Silver and Gold Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!" Noble Gas Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react. Starving Chemists How did the chemist survive the famine? He subsisted on titrations. Chemical Formula Joke Q: What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?A: (CO(NH2)2)2 Football Cheerleader Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? A: Fear of utility bills. The Chemist's Ferris Wheel What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms? A ferrous wheel. Burger Chemistry Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state. Titration Chemistry Riddle What did one titration say to the other? Let's meet at the endpoint. Solution Chemistry Joke Florence Flask was preparing to attend the opera. Suddenly she screamed, "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" Her husband replied, "Relax dear. We'll find a solution." Titanium Chemistry Joke Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything! The Half-Empty Glass The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The chemist sees the glass as completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state. Cash Chemistry It has been discovered that money consists of a yet-to-be- indentified superheavy element. The proposed element name is Un-obtainium. Spectrometry Riddle What did the mass spectrometer say to the gas chromatograph? Breaking up is hard to do. One Bad Clown What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon Ice Water H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed Sea Water What is the chemical formula for sea water? CH2O Oxygen and Potassium Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. Water and Peroxide Joke What is H204? It's FOR drinking, bathing, and mixing with scotch. Another Bar Joke What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar? OH SNaP! Carbon Chemistry Pun Why did the chemist coat his shoes with silicone rubber? He wanted to reduce his carbon footprint. Polarity Chemistry Humor Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was a polar bear. Superhero Chemistry Pun If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they'd be alloys. Sodium Humor Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na. Yeah, I know that was sodium funny! Chemistry One-Liner If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate! Bad Chemistry Jokes I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon. Chemistry Joke Pun I wish to apologize for not having more chemistry jokes, but I only add them periodically. If you want to use chemistry pick-up lines, look no further.