"Santa's Reply" - Christmas-Themed Comedic Male Monologue

close up of bored Santa sitting in his grotto
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This "stand-alone" comedic male monologue features Santa trying to win back Mrs. Claus. (If you want to know how this happy couple fell apart, read the Comedic Female Monologue, )

It may be used by students, actors, directors for educational or professional purposes. But remember, it is purely a work of fiction. In reality, Mr. and Mrs. Claus are happily married!

Santa's Reply


Dear Mrs. Claus...

Ever since you left me for the Easter Bunny, my life has become utterly meaningless. Without you, the North Pole truly is the loneliest place in the world. Without you by my side, there has been no one to keep me on my diet. I've gorged upon cookies and milk. I even stole Rudolph's carrots. I gobbled up the gingerbread house next door. The neighbors are furious. I've gotten so big, the reindeer have developed back problems. Thanks to me, the sled now exceeds its maximum capacity. I don't think I'll be able to clear the Rockies this Christmas Eve.

And I can't stop drinking. I've been going to Eggnog Anonymous meetings, but they just aren't helping. And I hesitate to mention how devastated the elves have been. They keep asking about you. So, as you can tell, without you, my life is ho-ho-horrible. Please come back to me. I don't care if you're naughty or nice. There's no one else I want underneath my mistletoe.

Please come home.

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Your Citation
Bradford, Wade. ""Santa's Reply" - Christmas-Themed Comedic Male Monologue." ThoughtCo, May. 20, 2017, thoughtco.com/christmas-themed-comedic-male-monologue-2713113. Bradford, Wade. (2017, May 20). "Santa's Reply" - Christmas-Themed Comedic Male Monologue. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/christmas-themed-comedic-male-monologue-2713113 Bradford, Wade. ""Santa's Reply" - Christmas-Themed Comedic Male Monologue." ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/christmas-themed-comedic-male-monologue-2713113 (accessed March 20, 2018).