Classic Late-Night Jokes

01
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Jon Stewart on Moochers

02
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Bill Maher on Hillary's Scandals

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03
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If You Ignore Something Long Enough

04
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Bill Maher on Idiots

05
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If Men Could Get Pregnant

06
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Socialized Medicine

07
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Obama Avoided the Vietnam Draft

08
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Marijuana as a Vegetable

09
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Trump vs. Obama

10
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Vomit Button

Team Coco

11
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Ryan and Palin

12
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Obama vs. Republicans

13
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New Species of Fish

14
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Colbert on Contraception

15
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Must Be Nice to be a Republican Senator

16
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Jon Stewart on PBS

17
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Hillary's Scandals

18
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Free Speech

Being Liberal

19
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Reason and Organized Religion

20
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Obama vs. Cruz

21
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Biggest Threat of All

22
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Shutting Down the Government

23
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What's Wrong with Republicans

24
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Celebrating Thanksgiving

25
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The Secret to Winning Elections

26
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Obama's Re-election

27
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Obama's Victory

28
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Hope

29
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Jesus and Homosexuality

30
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Gay Marriage

31
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Missing George Bush

32
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Congress Approval Rating

33
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Left vs. Right

34
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Obama vs. Trump

35
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Jeb Bush Running for President

36
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Republicans and Facts

37
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Obama's Birth Certificate

38
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Picking Up the Check

39
of 41
Is Santa Claus a Democrat?

40
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Medical Geniuses

41
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Christian Nation

More Late-Night Jokes

"Tonight was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, where today the temperature was over 100 degrees. As if Hillary Clinton needed another reason to sweat. She went through two pantsuits." –Jimmy Fallon

"In fact, it was so hot Hillary met with some Bernie supporters just for the chilly reception." –Jimmy Fallon

"We may be seeing more Trumps in politics. In fact, Donald Trump's son, Donald Jr., told CNN he hasn't ruled out running for mayor of New York next year. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton turned to Chelsea and said, 'Clear your schedule.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a poll, 90 percent of Bernie Sanders supporters plan to vote for Hillary Clinton in November. The other 10 percent plan to put their hand down the sink and then turn on the disposal." –Conan O'Brien

"Earlier tonight, Bernie Sanders spoke at the Democratic National Convention. Sanders' speech was interrupted by dozens of applause breaks and three pee breaks." –Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton's main task this week is to divert attention from leaked DNC emails and other negative press. Hillary's going to begin her speech with the rousing first line — 'Hey, Look, There's a Pokémon!'" –Conan O'Brien

"The theme for the Democrats today at the Democratic Convention is 'United Together.' Which really is the best way to be united. So much better than being united apart." –Jimmy Kimmel

"After the Republican Convention last week, the DNC was supposed to be the boring one. It was quite the opposite. Every time Hillary Clinton's name was mentioned there were boos from Bernie Sanders fans. Even Bernie had to ask his supporters to calm down. After a year of telling them not to calm down. It's like Chef Boyardee telling people to take it easy on the ravioli." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Hillary Clinton introduced her new running mate Senator Tim Kaine at an event in Miami this weekend. She found Kaine while searching a stock photo database for 'white businessman.'" –Seth Meyers

"First Lady Michelle Obama spoke tonight on the first day of the Democratic National Convention, while Melania Trump furiously took notes." –Seth Meyers

"President Obama appeared on Face the Nation this weekend and said of Hillary Clinton, 'She's not always flashy, and there are better speechmakers, but she knows her stuff.' Man, I'd hate to see Obama set somebody up on a blind date. 'She's got one wonky eye and she talks too much, but you don't wanna die alone, do ya?'" –Seth Meyers

"Donald Trump will be holding a Q and A session on the online message board Reddit during the Democratic Convention this week — though Trump's Q and A will be unique in that he will both ask and answer the questions. 'Am I the most handsome candidate in history? Interesting question, thanks for asking. I will say, a lot of people think so.'" –Seth Meyers

A lot of people are wondering why the Trump campaign would even invite Ted Cruz to speak at the convention in the first place. It turns out Ben Carson summoned him the night before by saying the word 'Lucifer' three times." –Jimmy Fallon

"Meanwhile, Donald Trump's running mate Mike Pence gave a speech at the convention last night and even poked fun at the fact most people don't know who he is. I guess even Donald Trump calls him 'Vice President Hey Buddy.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The Democrats support special labeling for GMO foods. Republicans support teen abstinence programs. So they can compromise, and now, teens have to wear labels telling everyone they're virgins." –Jimmy Fallon