5 Short Comedic Monologues for Women

Female monologue
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Whether you're preparing for your next audition or just want to keep your skills sharp, these five short comedic monologues for women will help you take your acting abilities to the next level. Develop your delivery with these female monologues from Broadway and Off-Broadway comedies.

Female monologue
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"God of Carnage" is a black comedy by French playwright Yazmina Reza. It premiered on Broadway in 2009, starring Jeff Daniels, Hope Davis, James Gandolfini, and Marcia Gay Harden. In the play, 11-year-olds Benjamin and Henry get into a playground fight. Fists fly and teeth are knocked out. Later that day, the parents of the boys meet to discuss the incident. But instead of resolving the situation, the couples begin to bicker about themselves and their views on race, sexuality, and gender. In this scene, Anne Raleigh, the wealthy mother of Benjamin, speaks to Michael, the working-class father of Henry.

Key Quote:

"There was a man, once, I found really attractive, then I saw him with a square shoulder bag, but that was it. There’s nothing worse than a shoulder bag. Although there’s also nothing worse than a cell phone."

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"Noises Off" is a comedy by Michael Frayn. It opened on Broadway in 1983 with Victor Garber and Dorothy Loudon, and it was nominated for four Tony Awards the following year. This play within a play follows the cast of "Nothing On," a touring comedy, as they rehearse, stage, and close the show during a 10-week run. In this scene, the play's star, Dotty Otley, is rehearsing her role as Mrs. Clackett, the Brent family's dim-witted Cockney housekeeper. Mrs. Clackett has just answered the phone.

Key Quote:

"It’s no good you going on. I can’t open sardines and answer the phone. I’ve only got one pair of feet. Hello… Yes, but there’s no one here, love….No, Mr. Brent’s not here..."

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"The American Plan" is a comedy by Richard Greenberg that premiered Off-Broadway in 1991 and had a brief Broadway run in 2009, starring Mercedes Ruehl and Lily Rabe. The play is set at a Catskills resort in 1960, where the widowed Eva Adler is vacationing with her 20-year-old daughter Lili. After Lili falls for another resort guest, the overbearing Eva plots to thwart her daughter's romantic ambitions. In this scene, Eva Adler is telling her daughter about having dinner with Libby Khakstein, another resort guest.

Key Quote:

"And, once again, she disgraced herself at table. Why, when I tell you what she ate, and in what quantities! The salad—served at the beginning—barbaric, anyway, but Libby tore into it like a savage woman. And the Russian dressing--not just a dollop, either, but globules!"

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"You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" is a musical comedy with a book by John Gordon and music and lyrics by Clark Gesner. It had its off-Broadway play in 1967 and its Broadway premiere in 1971. The play is based on the characters from the popular "Peanuts" comic strip by Charles Schulz. It follows the title character Charlie Brown as he pines for the Little Red-Haired Girl and suffers the humiliations of his friends. In this scene, Charlie Brown's nemesis Lucy Van Pelt is explaining to her younger brother Linus what Charlie Brown looks like.

Key Quote:

"Would you please hold still a minute, Charlie Brown, I want Linus to study your face. Now, this is what you call a failure face, Linus. Notice how it has failure written all over it."

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"Picasso at the Lapin Agile" is a comedy by Steve Martin that premiered in 1993 at Chicago's Steppenwolf Theater. It was Martin's first play and featured Nathan Davis, Paula Korologos, Travis Morris, and Tray West. The play is about an imaginary meeting between Pablo Picasso and Albert Einstein at the Lapin Agile cafe in Paris in 1904. Suzanne is a young woman who has a brief, bitter affair with Picasso. In this scene, she comes to the Lapin Agile in search of the artist, who claims not to remember her. Upset, she begins telling others at the bar of her relationship with Picasso.

Key Quote:

"I couldn't see his face because the light came in from behind him and he was in shadow, and he said, "I am Picasso." And I said, "Well, so what?" And then he said he wasn't sure yet, but he thinks that it means something in the future to be Picasso."

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