Democratic Convention Jokes

Best Late-Night Jokes About the 2016 Democratic National Convention

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See Also:
Funniest Democratic Convention Memes
Funniest GOP Convention Memes
Funniest Hillary Clinton Memes
Funniest Donald Trump Memes


"Tonight, President Obama is going to make a speech trying to convince people to vote for Hillary Clinton instead of Donald Trump. It’s a speech entitled, 'I Can’t Believe This Is Necessary.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The first sentence of Bill Clinton’s speech was "In the spring of 1971, I met a girl." You can imagine the relief in the room when they realized he was talking about Hillary." –Conan O'Brien

"Of course, it's the Democratic Convention, which began last night.

There were several big moments, and by the end, everyone was chanting 'I'm With Her!' Unfortunately for Hillary, they were talking about Michelle Obama." –Jimmy Fallon

"Michelle gave a really big speech last night. But she wasn't the only one. Bernie Sanders gave the final speech of the night, which kept being delayed by applause. Bernie was like, 'Please stop with the clapping! You'll make the lights go off and on!" –Jimmy Fallon

"Last night Bill Clinton said the first two times he proposed to Hillary, she said no. Clinton then said, "So let’s stop all this talk about Hillary’s bad judgement." –Conan O'Brien

"After Michelle Obama’s speech where she said the White House was built by slaves, Fox News host Bill O’Reilly said the slaves who built the White House were "well fed" and had "decent lodging." Leave it to Fox News to provide a fair and balanced view of slavery." –Conan O'Brien

"Bernie Sanders said that he knows people are disappointed in the results of the primaries, saying, 'I think it's fair to say nobody is more disappointed than I am.' At which point, Jeb Bush threw his empty Hagen Daazs container at the TV." –Jimmy Fallon

"Boyz II Men opened up the Democratic Convention yesterday performing their hit 'Motown Philly.' Then they closed it out with Bernie Sanders singing 'It's so Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Experts are saying that the highlight of the Democratic Convention's first night was Michelle Obama's speech.

In fact, Melania Trump said she already knows it by heart." –Conan O'Brien

"Today, shortly before we taped the show, Hillary Clinton became the first female presidential nominee of a major party. So now little girls everywhere can say, 'One day I'm gonna grow up and run against an insane reality TV star.'" –Conan O'Brien

"It's being reported that 19 out of the 31 apartment buildings in the Rio Olympic Village are not ready yet. Today, Rio organizers asked, 'How does everybody feel about a 'Fall Olympics'?'" –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday at the DNC, Elizabeth Warren said, 'Trump's entire campaign is just one more late-night Trump infomercial.' Trump called her 'stupid' then said, 'But wait there's more…" –Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the United States, which even if she doesn't win is going to look great on her resume." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bill Clinton spoke tonight. He was the major speaker of the evening. Of course he strongly supported his wife to be our next president. In a surprise move asked Melania Trump to be his first lady." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Hillary wins, it will be interesting to see because Bill Clinton would be our nation's first first man.

Which is interesting. We've had a first man on the moon, a first man to climb Mount Everest, a first man to run a four-minute mile. Nobody ever thought to be just the first man. I guess Adam maybe was the first first man." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The Democrats have had some impressive speakers so far. Last night Michelle Obama delivered her second convention speech of the week. The first lady made a very powerful point. She noted that she and her husband wake up every day in a house built by slaves. To which Donald Trump replied, 'Really? Can I get the name of your contractor?'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"It was a big night for Bernie Sanders. You could tell. For the the first time ever it appears he combed his hair." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Democrats held a roll call vote today to formally elect Hillary Clinton as their party's nominee.

Delegates had the option of voting either 'no' or 'ugh, fine.'" –Seth Meyers

"Bernie Sanders supporters were so angry last night that they booed each mention of Hillary Clinton's name, and even booed the pastor leading the pre-convention prayer. Of course, this was Philadelphia. Booing is just how people exhale." –Seth Meyers

"Tonight was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia, where today the temperature was over 100 degrees. As if Hillary Clinton needed another reason to sweat. She went through two pantsuits." –Jimmy Fallon

"In fact, it was so hot Hillary met with some Bernie supporters just for the chilly reception." –Jimmy Fallon

"We may be seeing more Trumps in politics. In fact, Donald Trump's son, Donald Jr., told CNN he hasn't ruled out running for mayor of New York next year. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton turned to Chelsea and said, 'Clear your schedule.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a poll, 90 percent of Bernie Sanders supporters plan to vote for Hillary Clinton in November. The other 10 percent plan to put their hand down the sink and then turn on the disposal." –Conan O'Brien

"Earlier tonight, Bernie Sanders spoke at the Democratic National Convention. Sanders' speech was interrupted by dozens of applause breaks and three pee breaks." –Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton's main task this week is to divert attention from leaked DNC emails and other negative press. Hillary's going to begin her speech with the rousing first line — 'Hey, Look, There's a Pokémon!'" –Conan O'Brien

"The theme for the Democrats today at the Democratic Convention is 'United Together.' Which really is the best way to be united. So much better than being united apart." –Jimmy Kimmel

"After the Republican Convention last week, the DNC was supposed to be the boring one. It was quite the opposite. Every time Hillary Clinton's name was mentioned there were boos from Bernie Sanders fans. Even Bernie had to ask his supporters to calm down. After a year of telling them not to calm down. It's like Chef Boyardee telling people to take it easy on the ravioli." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Hillary Clinton introduced her new running mate Senator Tim Kaine at an event in Miami this weekend. She found Kaine while searching a stock photo database for 'white businessman.'" –Seth Meyers

"First Lady Michelle Obama spoke tonight on the first day of the Democratic National Convention, while Melania Trump furiously took notes." –Seth Meyers

"President Obama appeared on Face the Nation this weekend and said of Hillary Clinton, 'She's not always flashy, and there are better speechmakers, but she knows her stuff.' Man, I'd hate to see Obama set somebody up on a blind date. 'She's got one wonky eye and she talks too much, but you don't wanna die alone, do ya?'" –Seth Meyers

"Donald Trump will be holding a Q and A session on the online message board Reddit during the Democratic Convention this week — though Trump's Q and A will be unique in that he will both ask and answer the questions. 'Am I the most handsome candidate in history?

Interesting question, thanks for asking. I will say, a lot of people think so.'" –Seth Meyers

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Kurtzman, Daniel. "Democratic Convention Jokes." ThoughtCo, Jul. 29, 2016, thoughtco.com/democratic-convention-jokes-4067053. Kurtzman, Daniel. (2016, July 29). Democratic Convention Jokes. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/democratic-convention-jokes-4067053 Kurtzman, Daniel. "Democratic Convention Jokes." ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/democratic-convention-jokes-4067053 (accessed November 21, 2017).