Did Susy DeLucci Really Give Birth to Mud Shrimp?

A Tall Tale of Lobster Love

Circulating via email and social media since January 2000, the disturbing tale of Susan DeLucci depicts a woman who had sex with a lobster and did not live to tell the tale. Utterly false!

Could a Lobster Impregnate Susy DeLucci?

Could ocean-dwelling "mud shrimp" conceivably incubate and hatch in a woman's vagina? It seems unlikely as the human body isn't a particularly friendly environment for crustaceans.

As for lobsters, they have nothing whatsoever to do with mud shrimp — they don't eat them; they don't give birth to them; they don't even hang out together. They're completely unrelated species. Scientifically speaking, therefore, the story is nonsense.

However, this silly story clearly has international appeal with emails circulating in  England, Canada and the US. Conceptually, it bears a slight resemblance to the equally offensive Richard Gere gerbil rumor.

Although three different renderings of the supposed mud shrimp victim's name ("Susy DeLucci") crop up in the text, they're all reminiscent of a well-known television actress (Susan Lucci) and the hoax probably means to exploit her famous name.

The story also boasts similarities to other familiar "infestation" legends such as the tale about folks ingesting insect eggs at Taco Bell restaurants and waking up to find baby cockroaches hatching in their mouths!

Sample Email About Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life

Here's an email contributed by A. Marmion on Jan. 24, 2000.

NOTE: This viral tale contains graphic, potentially offensive sexual references and should not be read by anyone who is easily offended, or has close emotional ties to crustaceans.

Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.

One morning around 5 am, 22-year-old Susan DaLucci of Kittery Maine woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain.

It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, and as she sat on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci continued to push and squirt out a burning tide of filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived, they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke, what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened.

Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. Police believe that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's, face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and since Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period. Thus, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect pH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US.

Overnight the eggs hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.

Further reading:

Lesbian Lobsters
Sex columnist Dan Savage debunks the Internet hoax.