Donald Trump Groping Scandal Jokes

Best Late-Night Jokes About Donald Trump's Groping Scandal

Getty Images

See Also:
Best Trump Groping Scandal Memes
Funniest Donald Trump Memes
Funniest Presidential Debate Memes
Latest Late-Night Jokes


"As you know, Trump is being accused of sexual misconduct by a slew of women. Of course, that is a case of “he said” and “she said, she said, she said, she said, she said." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump's campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and 'stop pussyfooting around.' That's the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, 'I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.'" –Seth Meyers

"NBC suspended Billy Bush for his words on the Trump tape, which means there is currently a higher standard for host for third hour of the Today Show than there is for the Republican nominee for president." –Seth Meyers

"Trump denied the (groping) allegations, calling them 'ludicrous' at a rally today.

But here's the problem for Trump: There's very good reason to believe he did what he's accused of. Why? Because an irrefutable, inside source told us so: Donald Trump. Donald Trump is his own Deep Throat. He's Creep Throat." –Seth Meyers

See Also: Best Donald Trump Jokes

"You started your campaign by accusing Mexicans of being rapists. Now you're on tape explaining how you sexually assault women. The only way you could be more hypocritical is if you said it in Spanish." –Michael Che on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Five women have now come forward to accuse Donald Trump of inappropriately touching or kissing them as recently as 2005. Said Trump, 'I would never do that and anyone who says I would is me, on tape, on a bus with Billy Bush.'" –Seth Meyers

"Trump later tried to downplay the comments, saying it was just locker-room banter. People didn't know what was crazier, his excuse or the idea that Trump's ever been to a gym." –Jimmy Fallon

"The election continues to be insane.

Ever since the tape of the Billy Bush Locker Bus came out, Trump has been fending off attacks like a woman meeting Donald Trump." –Seth Meyers

"Trump is still under fire for the lewd and offensive tape that was released last week which he referred to as 'locker-room talk.' Well now pro athletes are speaking out against this, saying that's not how they speak in the locker room.

While Tim Tebow said, 'I don't even like to say 'Billy Bush!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump lashed out at a number of Republicans on Twitter today, the ones who have been distancing themselves from him. He called Speaker of the House Paul Ryan a weak and ineffective leader. He called John McCain foul-mouthed. He also tweeted, 'It so is nice the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to.' This is how he's been behaving with shackles ON?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Trump tweeted earlier today, quote, 'It is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to.' What shackles are you talking about? The only thing that ever shackled you was the 140-character limit on Twitter." –Seth Meyers

"The Washington Post on Friday leaked the behind-the-scenes 2005 video of Donald Trump chatting with Billy Bush on the 'Access Hollywood' bus. Trump was caught on tape telling Billy about the time he tried to have sex with 'Entertainment Tonight' reporter Nancy O'Dell. He says he took her furniture shopping. By the way, I want some follow-up, I want to know if that happened, and if it did, what did he buy her? A sizable item?

A hutch or a dinette set? Are we talking ottoman?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"So, of course, people were outraged. Trump apologized, Billy Bush got suspended from his job. Poor Jeb Bush. Billy Bush is his cousin; he has to be thinking, 'Why in the hell didn't he release this tape a year ago?'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The minute that tape came out, Hurricane Matthew just disappeared from television. The only channel that continued their round-the-clock coverage of the hurricane was Fox News because they didn't want to talk about the Trump tape. Even the Weather Channel was like, 'To hell with this, let's go with the Trump tape!'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Fox News' Geraldo Rivera said this weekend that he has additional embarrassing tapes of Donald Trump. And if Geraldo thinks they're embarrassing, you know it's bad." –Seth Meyers

"The GOP now stands for 'Grab Our Pussies.'" –Bill Maher

"There's a lot of things people don't like about Hillary Clinton, but when she rubs you the wrong way, it's just an expression." –Bill Maher

"'Take a Tic Tac and grab them by the pussy' is the closest thing to a plan Trump has described this election." –Samantha Bee

"Grab them by the pussy?!

Sounds like what Hillary did to Trump at the first debate." –Bill Maher

 "I cannot wait for the Sunday morning talk shows to see what the Trump surrogates are going to spin this into: ‘Look, George, people are tired of Washington politicians who won’t grab the voters by the pussy. Donald Trump and Mike Pence are making sexual assault great again.'" –Bill Maher

"We are 25 days away from the election and Donald Trump is burning up like a meteor entering the atmosphere. Five women have come forward this week to claim he behaved inappropriately with them, touching, etc., including a reporter from People magazine and former pageant winner. Which is very bad news for his campaign. The good news is, he just got an offer to be the spokesman for Jell-O pudding." –Jimmy Kimmel

" This was the week a major party POTUS nominee said a woman was too ugly to sexually assault & didn't lose the conservative Christian vote." –John Fugelsang

"Helpful reminder: Even if no lewd tapes of Trump existed, and even if no woman had ever made an allegation against Trump, there would still be approximately a million reasons why this guy should not be President." –Andy Borowitz

"After that 'Access Hollywood” tape came out, a number of prominent Republicans called for Trump to drop out. But now, because of the pressure from the “Trump-ublican” base, some of those who denounced him say they’re still planning to vote for him. They essentially un-unendorsed him so as not to anger those who might vote for them. This is putting a lot of Republicans running for re-election in a tough spot.

If they support him, they lose a lot of moderates, but if they don't, they lose the rest. It’'s like they found themselves in a 'Saw' movie just before Halloween." –Jimmy Kimmel

 Next > Funniest Memes Reacting to Trump's Groping Scandal