2016 Election Jokes

The Best Jokes So Far About the 2016 Presidential Race

Donald Trump funny face
Tom Pennington / Getty Images

See Also:
Funniest Donald Trump Meme
Funniest Hillary Clinton Memes
Funniest Memes About Hillary's Emails
Funniest Presidential Debate Memes


"Donald Trump still hasn't released his tax returns, 12 women have accused him of sexual assault, and he's going on trial for fraud for Trump University in November, but now the only thing the media's talking about is emails. It's like if during the O.J. trial everyone was focused on whether or not the Ford Bronco had up-to-date registration." –Seth Meyers

"Oh, Donald Trump, the media is not 'rigged' against you.

They're just recording what you say and playing it back. If anything, you’re rigging your own campaign." –Trevor Noah

See Also: Funniest Memes Mocking Donald Trump

"NBC suspended Billy Bush for his words on the Trump tape, which means there is currently a higher standard for host for third hour of the Today Show than there is for the Republican nominee for president." –Seth Meyers

"You started your campaign by accusing Mexicans of being rapists. Now you're on tape explaining how you sexually assault women. The only way you could be more hypocritical is if you said it in Spanish." –Michael Che on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Trump denied the (groping) allegations, calling them 'ludicrous' at a rally today. But here's the problem for Trump: There's very good reason to believe he did what he's accused of. Why? Because an irrefutable, inside source told us so: Donald Trump. Donald Trump is his own Deep Throat.

He's Creep Throat." –Seth Meyers

"Tonight, President Obama is going to make a speech trying to convince people to vote for Hillary Clinton instead of Donald Trump. It’s a speech entitled, 'I Can’t Believe This Is Necessary.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The first sentence of Bill Clinton’s speech was "In the spring of 1971, I met a girl." You can imagine the relief in the room when they realized he was talking about Hillary." –Conan O'Brien

See Also: Best Donald Trump Cartoons

"Of course, it's the Democratic Convention, which began last night. There were several big moments, and by the end, everyone was chanting 'I'm With Her!' Unfortunately for Hillary, they were talking about Michelle Obama." –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's campaign manager Paul Manafort said today that Melania's speech was similar to Michelle Obama's because they must feel the same way about their families. Then Melania said, 'Yes, especially my daughters, Sasha and Malia.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Melania Trump is being accused of plagiarism because paragraphs of her speech last night closely mirror Michelle Obama's speech at the 2008 Democratic convention. Said Melania, 'That's ridiculous. I worked on that speech for four score and seven years.'" –Seth Meyers

"Donald Trump's former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, said today that whoever wrote Melania Trump's speech should be fired. 'Fine, I'll pack up my desk,' said Michelle." –Seth Meyers

"Last night was the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. A Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea." –Jimmy Fallon

"NASA said this week it has received a record high number of 18,000 applications for their astronaut training program. NASA said it shows a growing interest in space exploration. Then people said, "Nah, we just wanna get off the planet before this election.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"After he won yesterday's Nevada caucus, Donald Trump said, 'I love the poorly educated.' Trump then said, 'And when I'm president there'll be more of them than ever.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump said last night that despite calling Ted Cruz a 'maniac,' he has since learned that Cruz has a 'wonderful temperament.' And if Donald Trump thinks you have a 'wonderful temperament,' you're probably a maniac." –Seth Meyers

"They did a nationwide survey that found that when voters think of Donald Trump, the most common word that comes to mind is 'Arrogant.' When the same voters think of Hillary Clinton, the most common word they use is 'Liar.' When they think of Jeb Bush, the first word that comes to mind is 'Bush.' Voters don't even care enough about Jeb Bush to come up with a word to describe him." –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump said yesterday that if he's elected, he would 'probably not talk as much.' That's right, if Donald Trump is elected, even HE will be speechless." –Seth Meyers

"In a new campaign ad, Jeb Bush referenced 'The Godfather' and said his nickname used to be 'Veto Corleone' because he vetoed so many bills in Florida. When you're the third person in your family to run for president, maybe you shouldn't bring up a movie trilogy where the third one was clearly the worst." –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump got in some trouble for saying that John McCain is not a war hero, and said, 'I like people that weren't captured.' Not good. In fact, Trump's people are telling him to lay low for a while until this all combs over." –Jimmy Fallon

"Republican hopeful Rick Perry this week compared Donald Trump to cancer. Which really isn't fair, because sometimes you can get rid of cancer." –Seth Meyers

"Ohio Governor John Kasich became the 16th Republican to announce that he is running for president. During his speech he referred to Jesus Christ, which is ironic because so did Americans when they heard another Republican was running for president." –Jimmy Fallon

"During a recent speech, Mike Huckabee said he is the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. 'You sure about that?' said President Barack Obama." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mike Huckabee said he's the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. As opposed to Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, who's the only person who fought a fax machine and lost." –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton has temporarily changed her campaign logo to rainbow colors in support of marriage equality. Of course, her idea of marriage equality is both of you should get to be president." –Seth Meyers

"Bernie Sanders made around $2,000 last year for two speeches and a TV appearance, compared to the $25 million the Clintons made. Making him the first person in history to run for president just because he really needs the money." –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview yesterday, Lindsey Graham discussed his foreign policy and said if people are worn out by war, quote, 'Don't vote for me.' Graham's supporters appreciate his honesty, while his opponents appreciate the sound bite they can use in their attack ads." –Jimmy Fallon

"On the Republican side, today former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced he is running for president. While growing up he wanted to be a veterinarian, but his grades weren't good enough. Luckily for us, now he wants to be in charge of people." –Jimmy Fallon

"During a speech on Friday, Senator Ted Cruz said that if you walk up to someone and say 'Joe Biden,' the person will crack up laughing. Which is the same reaction you get if you say 'President Ted Cruz.” –Seth Meyers

"Yesterday in Iowa just four supporters showed up to eat lunch with Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum. It's always a bad sign when your entire voter base can fit in a deli booth." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump said over the weekend that his decision whether to run for president is going to make a lot of people very happy. That's too bad. I was hoping he would run." –Seth Meyers

"Presidential hopeful Lindsey Graham, who is single, said today that if elected he will have a 'rotating first lady.' Even creepier, he said it on Tinder." –Seth Meyers

"Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially announced that he's running for president. Cruz said that after doing exhaustive research to see if he had a real chance to win, he said, 'I'm gonna run anyway.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Republican Ted Cruz announced that he will run for president in 2016. So finally, Carnival is no longer the most dangerous cruise in America." –Jimmy Fallon

"According to an email from his staff, Donald Trump is set to announce on June 16 whether he will run for president. Seriously? At this point, Donald Trump announcing whether he's running for president is like soccer's World Cup — it happens every four years and no one in America cares." –Jimmy Fallon

"Senator Lindsey Graham announced that he's running for president because, you know, you want 50 people to run for president." –Seth Meyers

"If elected, Lindsey Graham would be the first bachelor elected president in 130 years. And he'd also be the first candidate to choose his running mate in an elaborate rose ceremony." –Seth Meyers

"Yesterday presidential candidate Ted Cruz said that he will in fact be signing up for Obamacare despite saying earlier that he wants to repeal every word of it. It's a good thing he's signing up, because Cruz just went to the hospital in hypocritical condition." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign announced that it raised over $1.5 million in the 24 hours after he announced his bid. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old on Kickstarter just raised $7 million in five minutes after announcing his idea for juice box water guns." –Jimmy Fallon 

"Today Carly Fiorina announced that she is running for president. Someone else bought 'CarlyFiorina.org' and posted 30,000 sad emoticons to represent all the people she laid off at Hewlett-Packard. I haven't seen that many sad, blank faces in one place since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb announced on the Internet that he is exploring a 2016 bid for president. And to increase his chances, he's going to run as just 'Jeb.' He said, 'My last name? It's not important.'" –Seth Meyers

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will begin fundraising for a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the end of January. No word on what his platform will be, but if I know Christie it'll be really strong, maybe double reinforced steel." –Jimmy Fallon

"It's rumored that Chris Christie and Mitt Romney are planning to meet to overcome any lingering awkwardness from the 2012 election. Incidentally, 'Lingering Awkwardness' was actually Mitt Romney's Secret Service code name." –Jimmy Fallon

"Potential presidential candidate Jeb Bush will release a decade's worth of tax returns to avoid comparisons to Mitt Romney. Yeah, they're nothing alike. They're just both former governors from wealthy families whose parents gave them super-weird names." –Jimmy Fallon

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"Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I'm telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one." –David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton is the leading presidential contender for the Democrats. Former Clinton aide John Podesta said Hillary will highlight her differences with President Obama if she runs.

The biggest difference: Hillary is still interested in being president." –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Hillary Clinton said she would make her decision on running for president 'by the end of the year.' Specifically, the year 1998." –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel this year, and won't make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she'll travel, she said, 'New Hampshire, Iowa, and maybe spend a few months in Florida.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview Hillary Clinton said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom." –Conan O'Brien

"It's really starting to look like Hillary Clinton's going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama's campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run. They're starting early because they've got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton's browser history." –Conan O'Brien

"A new poll about the 2016 election shows that just 27 percent of voters would be likely to support Chris Christie. And only 4 percent of chairs." –Seth Meyers

"This week Joe Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he said, 'Whichever comes first.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush’s brother Neil said that their mother has 'come around' to the idea of Jeb running for president in 2016. Because if there's anything that says you're qualified to be president, it's your own mom saying, 'I guess you could do it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A political action committee trying to raise money for a 2016 Hillary Clinton campaign is selling “Ready for Hillary” champagne glasses and Christmas ornaments. Because if one thing improves the holidays, it's drinking mixed with politics." –Jimmy Fallon

"Both President Obama and former President George W. Bush were interviewed on 'Face the Nation' over the weekend. President Bush said there's a 50 percent chance his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Then he said, 'But there's an 80 percent chance he won't.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Democrats in state legislatures are at their lowest level since the 1920s. President Obama has a can't-miss strategy to save the party in 2016. He's leaving." –Craig Ferguson

"During a campaign event, former presidential nominee Bob Dole told the crowd that Mitt Romney should run for president in 2016. If there's anyone who knows that the third time is a charm, it's a guy who lost three times." –Jimmy Fallon

"With so much speculation about the 2016 presidential election, the website ElectHillary.com is being sold for almost $300,000 and the website ChrisChristiePresident2016.com is being sold for almost $50,000. Meanwhile, the website 'Biden4Prez' is just a Tumblr set-up by Joe Biden. He'll take whatever – 50 bucks, 25 bucks." –Jimmy Fallon

"Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton's decision to run for president won't affect his decision to launch a campaign. While Hillary says Biden's decision to run for president won't affect her becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she's so old that she could be a Republican." –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president.

It makes sense because if there's one thing Romney's campaign manager is good at, it's stopping someone from becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did run, this time things would turn out differently. Yes they would. This time he would get his ass kicked by a woman." –Bill Maher

"Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush Presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one." –David Letterman