Exercise in Eliminating Wordiness in Business Writing

A Revision and Editing Exercise

Editing a manuscript
How a Book Is Edited. Maica / Getty Images

This exercise will give you practice in eliminating wordiness from workplace memos, letters, emails, and reports. Before attempting the exercise, you may find it helpful to review these two articles:

Instructions:
The following sentences are wordy. Without eliminating any essential information, revise each sentence to make it more concise.

When you're done, compare your edited sentences with those of your classmates.

  1. It is my objective to utilize more fully and satisfactorily both my university educational experience and my skills as an editor, preferably in a full-time employment position with your firm.
  2. As per our discussion with reference to the antiquated and outmoded climate-control system in the Campus Security Building, it is my recommendation that purchase be made from a source-to-be-identified of a new, environmentally friendly heat pump that is both cost-effective and fully compliant with all local and state regulations.
  3. On the afternoon of June 12 at the most recent meeting of the ad hoc committee on workplace communication policies, each and every member of the committee was in agreement with one another that first and foremost it is imperative that all forms of workplace communications be completely accurate and perfectly clear.
  1. In consideration of your recent email message received last week re. what is perceived to be the "excess time" required by our company to provide an effective response action to certain problems identified in the aforementioned email, please be assured that it is our policy to respond as promptly as possible to all legitimate customer concerns.
  1. Extended discussion of an improved and more robust mission statement that is aligned with the basic fundamental business objectives of this organization will require clearly structured facilitated sessions conducted in full transparency and with the active participation of designated representatives from all departments.

 

For more practice in cutting the clutter, see: Exercise in Eliminating Deadwood From Our Writing.