End of the World Jokes

Jokes about the Mayan Apocalypse Prediction

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Mayan Doomsday Memes and Cartoons

"Well folks, it is December 21, or as the Mayans call it, April Fools Day." -Jay Leno

"It’s late Friday night, which means the world did not end after all! So the good news is, we’re still here. The bad news, I got A LOT of Christmas shopping to do." -Jimmy Fallon

"The Mayan calendar didn't go past Dec. 21, 2012. There is one problem with the Mayan prophesy.

It is crap. Every serious Mayan scholar says close reading of Mayan texts reveals they believed the world would go for thousands of years past the end of the calendar. But let's listen to the wacko locked in the basement with 500 pounds of spam because he knows what is going to happen!" -Craig Ferguson

"I've got to admit, I love the show "Doomsday Preppers." It's about people making bunkers to survive catastrophes they know will happen. A nuclear war, viral epidemic, Fox canceling 'Glee.' It's all going to happen." -Craig Ferguson

"And now The Mayan Channel forecast. Thursday: cloudy, chance of showers, high 39. Friday: volcanoes, asteroid strikes, apocalypse." –David Letterman

"According to the Mayan calendar, December 21 marks the end of the world. Then why am I Christmas shopping?" –David Letterman

"President Obama and John Boehner are trying to avoid the fiscal cliff and they're now on Plan B.

If that doesn’t work, then they go to plan C: pray to God the world does end Friday." –David Letterman

"Christmas is on Tuesday, provided that the world doesn't end on Friday, which is the end of the Mayan calendar. Some believe there will be massive earthquakes and floods. Others think a planet will collide with the earth.

I believe the end of the world will come about in a much stupider way, like Joe Biden spilling a Mountain Dew on the nuclear launch panel." -Jimmy Kimmel

"December 21, the end of the world, is a Friday. So it means dress is casual." –David Letterman

"As you know, the world is supposed to end on Friday. The bad news, today China said they want their money right now, Thursday at the latest." -Jay Leno

"The Mayan calendar says that on the 21st, we're done. We've only got about a week left, and I haven't even started packing. On the bright side, the end of the world kind of takes the edge off the fiscal cliff, doesn't it? ... The Mayans predicted that last joke wouldn't work." -David Letterman

"A close friend of mine said his doctor gave him less than two weeks to live. But it turns out his doctor's a Mayan. He says that to everybody." –Jay Leno

"The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet the next day the malls will be overrun with Mayans trying to buy last-minute gifts." –Jay Leno

"Even with the apocalypse there is always something good. There's always a silver line. For example, The Mayan apocalypse will put an end to those commercials where a crazy lady talks to strangers about her colon." –David Letterman

"And as silly as this all may seem, a worldwide survey shows that one in 10 people believe the world is going to end on Friday.

A Chinese man even designed a survival pod. The inventor says they can hold 14 people comfortably, or roughly three American people comfortably. If you buy one of these pods, you might survive the end of the world. But since it is made in China, you will also die of lead poisoning." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Today Wal-Mart announced that on apocalypse day they will open at midnight. I think the Mayan calendar is becoming too commercialized, don't you?" –David Letterman

"After three years and six seasons, the final episode of Jersey Shore aired tonight. Or as the Mayans put it, 'So we were off by one day.'" -Jimmy Fallon

"The Mayans said the world will end tomorrow. And like everybody else, they blame Bush." -Jay Leno

"If it turns out that the Mayans are right and the world is going to end, you know what this means?

Lindsay Lohan is a genius. She's been partying her brains out. She owes taxes. She’s crashing cars. She’s a genius!" -Jay Leno

"McDonald's just announced that it's bringing back the McRib later this month. Or, as the Mayans put it, 'Hey, we tried to warn you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"I'm kind of stoked about the end of the world just to see what Google does with its homepage." -Andy Borowitz "#Mayans are trending. What a comeback! Take that, Spain!" -Chris Regan

"Let's f**k with them." -Ancient Mayan prophet

See Also:
• Mayan Doomsday Memes and Cartoons
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