Science, Tech, Math › Science Engineering Jokes Engineering Jokes and Humor Share Flipboard Email Print Huntstock, Getty Images Science Chemistry Basics Chemical Laws Molecules Periodic Table Projects & Experiments Scientific Method Biochemistry Physical Chemistry Medical Chemistry Chemistry In Everyday Life Famous Chemists Activities for Kids Abbreviations & Acronyms Biology Physics Geology Astronomy Weather & Climate By Anne Marie Helmenstine, Ph.D. Chemistry Expert Ph.D., Biomedical Sciences, University of Tennessee at Knoxville B.A., Physics and Mathematics, Hastings College Dr. Helmenstine holds a Ph.D. in biomedical sciences and is a science writer, educator, and consultant. She has taught science courses at the high school, college, and graduate levels. our editorial process Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter Anne Marie Helmenstine, Ph.D. Updated January 11, 2018 Browse this collection of engineering jokes, engineering riddles, and other engineer humor. Definition of an Engineer What is the definition of an engineer? Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand. Scientist Versus Engineer "A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do that."— Gordon L. Glegg, British Engineer, 1969. Engineers and Glasses The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be. Engineers: Wife or Mistress? An architect, artist, and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses. The architect said, "I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage." The artist said, "I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy." The engineer said "I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done." Engineering Joke A girl asked her boyfriend, an engineer, "Don't you want to see where I was operated upon for appendicitis?"The engineer replied, "Oh, I hate to see a hospital." It Takes One to Know One Engineer and Mathematician (males) were given the opportunity to compete for a very attractive woman. But there was one condition: "You can only run half the remaining distance between you and the lady". Eng. sprinted forward while Math. didn't. Why aren't you running? Asked members of the Committee. Because, by definition, I will never be allowed to reach my target. And you Eng. why are you running? Don't you know the same? Yes, said Eng. my learned friend is correct. But I will get close enough for all practical purposes. Engineer Priorities An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. "I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'" "Good choice," the friend replies. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." EE Humor I keep trying to find a phone number in Atlanta, but all the websites keep returning "Not Found" errors. (Explanation: The area code for Atlanta is 404 as in HTTP 404, the error code for "File Not Found") Engineering Degree Joke A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like an apple pie with that?" Mechanical Engineers, Civil Engineers and Chemical Engineers What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets. Chemical Engineers are engineers that build targets that explode really well.