The Top 10 'Friday the 13th' Deaths

1
Arrow Neck

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th (1980)

Victim: Jack (Kevin Bacon)

Description: Bacon is "skewered" by an arrow through the throat from beneath the bed.

Deep Commentary: A kaleidoscopic examination of the occupational hazards of sleeping next to a tool shed.

2
Lover Sandwich

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

Victims: Jeff and Sandra (Bill Randolph and Marta Kober)

Description: Two lovers are impaled on a spear in bed in flagrante delicto.

Deep Commentary: A mellifluous rumination on the dangers of unprotected sex.

3
Luke Handwalker

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

Victim: Andy (Jeffrey Rogers)

Description: Cut in half with a machete while walking upside-down on his hands.

Deep Commentary: A high-concept performance art piece illustrating the volatility of the economic marketplace within an overwhelmingly gymnastic environment.

4
Eye Scream

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

Victim: Rick (Paul Kratka)

Description: Head squeezed until his eye pops out...in 3-D!

Deep Commentary: Showcases the cruel ironies and happy compromises of life with a charm and sophistication uncommon in ocular evisceration.

5
Half Mast

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

Victim: Paul (Clyde Hayes)

Description: Hoisted on a spear to the groin.

Deep Commentary: A simultaneously sober and sentimental look at the epic themes of aging, war and crotch trauma.

6
Tree Hugger

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)

Victim: Eddie (John Robert Dixon)

Description: Head squeezed with a leather strap tourniquet wrapped around a tree.

Deep Commentary: An elegantly composed inquiry into the political, social and sexual dynamics that define the world in which we find ourselves strapped to trees.

7
Face the Wall

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Victim: Nikki (Darcy DeMoss)

Description: Head pushed into the wall of an RV so hard that it makes a facial indentation.

Deep Commentary: Embodies all the greatest strengths of the neorealist slasher aesthetic while steadfastly repudiating the exclusion of facial fractures.

8
Sleeping Bag Massacre

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Victim: Judy (Debora Kessler)

Description: Zipped up inside a sleeping bag and whacked against a tree.

Deep Commentary: Epitomizes the futility of striving for universal health care within the context of a stubborn adherence to human piñatas.

9
Knock Your Block Off

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Victim: Julius (Vincent Craig Dupree)

Description: Head punched off.

Deep Commentary: Captures the pathos, loneliness and excitement of a life in the shadows with the harrowing authenticity of a playful decapitation.

10
Break a Head

Best Friday the 13th deaths
© Paramount

Movie: Jason X (2001)

Victim: Adrienne (Kristi Angus)

Description: Head frozen in liquid nitrogen, then smashed on a counter.

Deep Commentary: A proto-noir milestone of minimalist cinema depicting the struggle to survive in a world where traditional human kindness has lost out to the forces of modernization amidst an underbelly of lonely souls wrestling with their own destinies in a sea of corrosive urban landscapes surrounded by enigmatic pseudoscience posing as governmental...oh look, head go boom!