Funniest Barack Obama Quotes of All Time

President Obama Gives Tribute To VP Biden In The State Dining Room
Pool / Getty Images
01
of 62

Obama on Trump's Birther Reversal

"There's an extra spring in my step tonight. I don't know about you guys, but I am so relieved that the whole birther thing is over. I mean, ISIL, North Korea, poverty, climate change, none of those things weighed on my mind like the validity of my birth certificate."

—President Obama, reacting to Donald Trump's admission that Obama was born in the United States, after Trump pushed the "birther" conspiracy theory for five years

02
of 62

Obama on Getting Older

''These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

03
of 62

Obama on His Strengths and Weaknesses

''If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome.''

—Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner

04
of 62

Obama on Donald Trump's Experience

''All kidding aside, we all know about your credentials, and your breadth of experience. For example, on a recent episode of Celebrity Apprentice, at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around, but you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil Jon or Meatloaf, you fired Gary Busey. These are the kinds of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir! Well handled.''

—President Obama, ribbing Donald Trump at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner

05
of 62

Obama on Dick Cheney

''I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party.''

—Barack Obama, on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins

06
of 62

Obama on Sheldon Adelson

''Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money on negative ads? You've got to really dislike me to spend that kind of money. I mean that's Oprah money. You could buy an island and call it 'Nobama' for that kind of money. Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race. I probably wouldn't have taken it, but I would have thought about it. Michelle would have taken it. You think I'm joking?''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

07
of 62

Obama on the Press

''I love the press. I even sat for an interview with Bill O'Reilly right before the Super Bowl. That was a change of pace. I don't often get a chance to be in a room with an ego that's bigger than mine.''

—President Obama at the 2011 Gridiron Dinner

08
of 62

Obama on the 2012 Election

''I know Republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities. And look, call me self-centered, but I can think of one minority they could start with. Hello? Think of me as a trial run, you know? See how it goes.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

09
of 62

Obama on Joe Biden

''I wasn't sure I should actually come tonight. Biden talked me into it. He leaned over to me and said, 'Mr. President, this is no ordinary dinner, this is a big BLEEP-ing meal.'''

—President Barack Obama, referring to Biden's 'big f**king deal' remark caught on mic during the health care reform signing ceremony, 2010 White House Correspondents' Dinner

10
of 62

Obama Health Care Reform

''In my first term, we passed health care reform. In my second term, I guess I'll pass it again.''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

11
of 62

Obama on Hillary Clinton

''Despite many obstacles, much has changed during my time in office. Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won't stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

12
of 62

Obama on Native Silver

''Now I'm sure that you've noticed that there's somebody very special in my life who is missing tonight, somebody who has always got my back, stands with me no matter what and gives me hope no matter how dark things seem. So tonight, I want to publicly thank my rock, my foundation -- thank you, Nate Silver.''

—President Barack Obama, on the famed statistician and blogger who correctly predicted the 2012 and 2008 presidential election results (2013 Gridiron Dinner)

13
of 62

Obama on Nerd Prom

''The White House Correspondents' Dinner is known as the prom of Washington D.C. -- a term coined by political reporters who clearly never had the chance to go to an actual prom.''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

14
of 62

Obama on Mitt Romney

''It's great to be here this evening in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom -- or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer-upper.''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

15
of 62

Obama on His Name

''Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president.''

—Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner

16
of 62

Obama on Fox News

''The History Channel is not here. I guess they were embarrassed about the whole Obama-is-a-devil thing. Of course, that never kept Fox News from showing up. They actually thought the comparison was not fair -- to Satan.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

17
of 62

Obama on His Honeymoon

''I think it is fair to say that when it comes to my presidency, the honeymoon is over. For example, some people now suggest that I'm too professorial. And I'd like to address that head-on, by assigning all of you some reading that will help you draw your own conclusions. Others say that I'm arrogant. But I've found a really great self-help tool for this: my poll numbers.''

—President Obama at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner

18
of 62

Obama on Dick Cheney

''Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, 'How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.'''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

19
of 62

Obama on the Press

''The fact is I really do respect the press. I recognize that the press and I have different jobs to do. My job is to be President; your job is to keep me humble. Frankly, I think I'm doing my job better.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

20
of 62

Obama on Romney's Campaign

''Recently, [Romney's] campaign criticized me for slow-jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon. In fact, I understand Governor Romney was so incensed he asked his staff if he could get some equal time on 'The Merv Griffin Show.'''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

21
of 62

Obama on Donald Trump

''Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately but no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter, like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?''

—President Obama, ribbing Donald Trump at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner

22
of 62

Obama on Jimmy Kimmel

''Our chaperone for the evening is Jimmy Kimmel ... Jimmy got his start years ago on The Man Show. In Washington, that's what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

23
of 62

Obama on Automakers

''Another difficult challenge is how to help our automakers thrive in the 21st century. We've tried a number of different approaches, and tonight, I'm announcing a new one. It's a plan passed on to me by a close friend and advisor, Oprah Winfrey. So if each of you will look under your seat, you find that -- you get a car company! You get a car company! And FOX -- you get AIG. Enjoy!''

— President Barack Obama, at the 2009 Radio & TV Correspondents' Dinner

24
of 62

Obama on Marco Rubio

''One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio, but I don't know about 2016. I mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the Senate and he thinks he's ready to be President. Kids these days.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

25
of 62

Obama on Rush Limbaugh

''Limbaugh can play with himself.''

—President Barack Obama's response when asked if he would play a round of golf with Rush Limbaugh, relayed by a top Democrat to Zev Chafets, author of the book 'Rush Limbaugh: An Army of One'

26
of 62

Obama on Mitch McConnell

''Some folks still don't think I spend enough time with Congress. 'Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?' they ask. Really? Why don't you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

27
of 62

Obama on Marco Rubio

"That, Marco Rubio, is how you take a sip of water."

—President Obama, after pausing to drink water in a jab at Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, who was widely mocked when he desperately gulped water during his State of the Union response (2013 Gridiron Dinner)

28
of 62

Obama on Blogs

''While I know I have my share of critics out there, I don't focus on the negative stuff. I just don't pay much attention to it. Most days I barely skim through the comment section of Huffington Post — Daily Kos — Fire Dog Lake — The Daily Dish — boingboing.net.''

—President Obama at the 2011 Gridiron Dinner

29
of 62

Obama on John McCain

"John McCain couldn't make it. He said he had never identified himself as a maverick. We all know what happens in Arizona when you don't have ID. Adios, amigos."

—President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents' Dinner

30
of 62

Obama on Smoking Marijuana

''Look, when I was a kid, I inhaled frequently. That was the point.''

—Barack Obama

31
of 62

Obama on Star Wars and Star Trek

''After a very public mix-up last week, my communications team has provided me with an easy way to distinguish between 'Star Trek' and 'Star Wars.' Spock is what Maureen Dowd calls me. Darth Vader is what John Boehner calls me.''

—President Obama on getting 'Star Wars' and 'Star Trek' mixed up when he referred to doing a ''Jedi Mind Meld'' with Republicans (2013 Gridiron Dinner)

32
of 62

Obama on John Boehner

''I've made a few jokes over the years about John Boehner's unusual coloring. I used to think that it was a tan. But after seeing how often he tears up, I've come to realize: that's not a tan, that's rust.''

—President Obama at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner

33
of 62

Obama on Inherited Problems

''I must confess I really did not want to be here tonight. But I knew I had to come. That's one more problem that I inherited from George W. Bush.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

34
of 62

Obama on NPR

''And where is the National Public Radio table? You guys are still here? That's good. I couldn't remember where we landed on that. Now, I know you were a little tense when the GOP tried to cut your funding, but personally I was looking forward to new programming like 'No Things Considered' or 'Wait, Wait...Don't Fund Me.'''

—President Obama at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner

35
of 62

Obama on MSNBC

''Some of my former advisers have switched over to the dark side. For example, David Axelrod now works for MSNBC, which is a nice change of pace since MSNBC used to work for David Axelrod.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

36
of 62

Obama on Rahm Emanuel

On Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel and Mother's Day: ''This is a tough holiday for Rahm. He's not used to saying the word 'day' after 'mother.'''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

37
of 62

Obama on Oprah

''Three words: Vice President Oprah.''

—the #1 item from Barack Obama's Top Ten Campaign Promises, which he presented on the Letterman show

38
of 62

Obama on the Jonas Brothers

''The Jonas Brothers are here, they're out there somewhere. Sasha annd Malia are huge fans, but boys, don't get any ideas. Two words for you: predator drones. You will never see it coming. You think I'm joking?''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents' Dinner

39
of 62

Obama on Obama

''Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father Jor-El to save the Planet Earth.''

—Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner

40
of 62

Obama on His Loyal Friend

''He's warm, he's cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic; you just have to keep him in on a tight leash -- every once in a while he goes charging off and gets himself into trouble. Enough about Joe Biden.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

41
of 62

Obama on George W. Bush

''Now, some have said I blame too many problems on my predecessor, but let's not forget that's a practice that was initiated by George W. Bush.''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

42
of 62

Obama on Himself

''I know that people think I'm not passionate enough. That I'm too cool. That I'm too detached. But as I was going through my daily routine — sitting alone in my study, meditating, thinking about how to win the future — I pondered this critique, and calmly rejected it as thoroughly illogical. And for all those who think I golf too much, let me be clear. I'm not spending time on the golf course — I'm investing time on the golf course.''

—President Obama at the 2011 Gridiron Dinner

43
of 62

Obama on John Boehner

On House Minority Leader John Boehner and his fake tan: ''We have a lot in common: He is a person of color. Although not a color that appears in the natural world.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

44
of 62

Obama on Love

''There a few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents' Dinner

45
of 62

Obama on Romney

''Ultimately though, tonight's not about the disagreements Governor Romney and I may have. It's what we have in common, beginning with our unusual names. Actually Mitt is his middle name. I wish I could use my middle name.''

—President Obama at the 2012 Al Smith Dinner

46
of 62

Obama on Sarah Palin

''Even Sarah Palin is getting back into the game, guest hosting on The Today Show -- which reminds me of an old saying: What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.''

—President Obama at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Dinner

47
of 62

Obama on the News Media

On the news media: ''Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me. Apologies to the Fox table.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

48
of 62

Obama on His Library

''I'm also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library. And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I'd rather keep it in the United States. Did anybody not see that joke coming? Show of hands. Only Gallup? Maybe Dick Morris?''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

49
of 62

Obama on Biden

''Look, it's no secret that my Vice President is still ambitious. But let's face it, his age is an issue. Just the other day, I had to take Joe aside and say, 'Joe, you are way too young to be the pope.'''

—President Barack Obama at the 2013 Gridiron Dinner

50
of 62

Obama on His Approval Ratings

''It's been quite a year since I've spoken here last. Lots of ups, lots of downs, except for my approval ratings, which have just gone down. But that's politics, it doesn't bother me. Besides, I happen to know that my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents' Dinner

51
of 62

Obama on Rahm Emanuel

'But the truth is when you really get to know Rahm, he does have a softer side, Amy will attest to this; very few people know, I think, know prior to this evening that he studied Ballet for a few years. In fact, he was the first to adopt Machiavelli's the prince for dance. It was an intriguing piece, as you can imagine, there were a lot of kicks below the waist.''

—Barack Obama, roasting his future chief of staff Rahm Emaneul in 2005

52
of 62

Obama on Clinton Eastwood

''Everyone please take your seats, or else Clint Eastwood will yell at them.''

—President Obama at the 2012 Al Smith Dinner

53
of 62

Obama on Social Media

"They say I'm popular on Twitter and Facebook. Or as Sarah Palin says, the 'socialized media.'''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents' Dinner

54
of 62

Obama on the New Media Landscape

''The media landscape is changing so rapidly. You can't keep up with it. I mean, I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2:00 a.m.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

55
of 62

Obama on Bipartisanship

On a new spirit of bipartisanship: ''We're seeing people with strong disagreements get along as never before. You have the former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, current Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney — working together every day, sharing a host body. It's inspiring. Or creepy. Depending on how you look at it.''

—President Obama at the 2011 Gridiron Dinner

56
of 62

Obama on Bob Woodward

''I know that some folks think we responded to Bob Woodward too aggressively. But hey, can anybody tell me when an administration has ever regretted picking a fight with Bob Woodward? What's the worst that could happen?''

—President Obama at the 2013 Gridiron Dinner

57
of 62

Obama on Foreign Policy

''Monday's [presidential] debate is a little bit different because the topic is foreign policy. Spoiler Alert: We got Bin Laden.''

—President Obama at the 2012 Al Smith Dinner

58
of 62

Obama on His Phone

''Now that's my phone buzzing there. I don't want you to think I'm getting fresh or anything.''

—Barack Obama, posing for a picture with supporters in Indiana, when he apparently felt his phone start to vibrate in his pocket, against which one woman was closely pressed

59
of 62

Obama on His Charm Offensive

''I'm taking my charm offensive on the road -- a Texas barbeque with Ted Cruz, a Kentucky bluegrass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann.''

—President Obama at the 2013 White House Correspondents' Dinner

60
of 62

Obama on His Teleprompter

On his Teleprompter: ''In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off prompter -- and Joe Biden will learn to stay on it.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

61
of 62

Obama on His First 100 Days

''Good evening, everybody, I would like to welcome you to the 10-day anniversary of my First 100 Days. During the second 100 days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first 100 days. My next 100 days will be so successful, I will complete them in 72 days. And on the 73rd day, I will rest.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

62
of 62

Obama on Michele Bachmann

''Michele Bachmann is here, though, I understand, and she is thinking about running for President, which is weird because I hear she was born in Canada. Yes, Michele, this is how it starts. Just letting you know.''

—President Obama at the 2011 White House Correspondents' Dinner