35 Best Late-Night Jokes About Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton laughing
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Hillary Clinton has been in the spotlight for years. From her time as First Lady to her own presidential campaigns, late-night comedians have had a lot of fun with the challenges she has faced. Let's revisit some of the best jokes these guys have written about Hillary.

Hillary Wants to Be President

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." –Seth Meyers

"I saw that Hillary Clinton visited the headquarters of Twitter and Facebook yesterday. Hillary would also have visited LinkedIn, but she already knows what job she wants." –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton said she may not run for president because she loves having time to hang out with her friends. Thankfully, most of her friends live in Iowa, New Hampshire, Ohio, Florida, and the great state of Pennsylvania." –Seth Meyers

"Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president. It makes sense because if there's one thing Romney's campaign manager is good at, it's stopping someone from becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger.

Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky…Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court." –Bill Maher

Will It Be Hillary or Joe?

"In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden 'would be a superb president.' In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door." –Seth Meyers

"Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton's decision to run for president won't affect his decision to launch a campaign. While Hillary says Biden's decision to run for president won't affect her becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"Joe Biden said this week that he still dreams of being president. To which Hillary said, 'Keep dreaming.'" –Jay Leno

“Joe Biden brought donuts for the government employees. That is very nice. A donut and Joe Biden are very different, of course. One's a doughy thing that Hillary Clinton's going to eat for breakfast — and the other is a doughnut.” –Craig Ferguson

"Some experts are saying that the 2016 Democratic presidential race could come down to Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden. Biden is calling her a worthy opponent, while Hillary is calling him 'practice.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Will She Run? That's the Question

"Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel this year, and won't make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015. When asked where she'll travel, she said, 'New Hampshire, Iowa, and maybe spend a few months in Florida.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"It's really starting to look like Hillary Clinton's going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama's campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run.

They're starting early because they've got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton's browser history." –Conan O'Brien

"During a speech yesterday, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. You know, just like I still ‘don’t know’ if I’ll have a beer on St. Patrick’s Day." –Jimmy Fallon

"Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she's so old that she could be a Republican." –Conan O'Brien

"Bill Clinton was being interview recently, and he said that despite all the speculation, Hillary hasn't said anything to him about running for president in 2016. Though in fairness, she hasn't said anything to him since 1998." –Jimmy Fallon

"When asked if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Bill Clinton said, 'She's having a little fun being a private citizen.' And then he added, 'Not Bill Clinton fun, but fun nonetheless." –Conan O'Brien

That "Other" Election

"Hillary Clinton was in Philadelphia, where she told the crowd she is like the movie character Rocky. Now, if I remember the movie correctly, doesn't Rocky get the crap beat out of him and then he loses to the black guy?" –Jay Leno

"In Iowa yesterday, Hillary Clinton was shoring up support a mere year before that state's presidential caucus. She whipped the crowd into a frenzy with her new campaign slogan, 'Let The Conversation Begin.' This may not be the most politically correct thing to say, but I don't think that slogan's going to help you with men. ... I think the typical response would be, 'Now?' You might as well get on your campaign bus, The 'I Think We Really Need To Talk' Express, to unveil your new Iraq policy, 'America, Let's Pull Over And Just Ask For Directions.'" –-Jon Stewart

"Hillary criticized Obama so strongly that at one point he yelled at her. He just said, 'Hey, easy, lady, we're not married'" –David Letterman

"Did you see this Democratic debate this week? Wow! The six men all piled onto Hillary Clinton. It was like a porn movie. They were claiming she's not a real Democrat because she might actually win something." –Bill Maher

"Hillary Clinton says she isn't dropping out because there are still six states that haven't had their Democratic primary. That's right. Barack Obama's favored in the states of Oregon, Montana and South Dakota, and Hillary is favored in the state of denial." –Conan O'Brien

"Political experts are now saying it's almost impossible for Hillary Clinton to win, and everyone is urging her to call it quits and go home to Bill.

Except, of course, Bill. 'Stay out there, honey!'" –Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is ending her campaign, but really in the bigger sense it's sad because, think about it, there goes right down the drain the Clinton dream of a being a two-impeachment family." –David Letterman

"And Hillary Clinton's camp says she is not actively seeking the vice presidential nomination. Passive-aggressively seeking it, yes." –Jay Leno

A Woman in Government

"Hillary Clinton has a new book out on her experiences as secretary of state. Instead of a book jacket, her book is wearing a pantsuit." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama said Hillary Clinton is approaching one million frequent flier miles in her job as Secretary of State. Though even that can't get her upgraded to the seat she really wants." –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton blasted the vice president today for failing to disclose all the facts. She wants Dick Cheney to give exact details. You know like, "How do you shoot someone and make it look like an accident?" –Jay Leno

"In an unlikely pairing, Hillary Clinton made an appearance this week with Newt Gingrich to push a health care plan. The press is making a big deal out this thing with Newt but, hey, if anyone knows how to appear in public with a man she can't stand, it's Hillary." --Jay Leno

The First Lady Years

"In an interview, she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom." –Conan O'Brien

"At the national portrait gallery in Washington, D.C.

new portraits were unveiled of former President Clinton and First Lady Hillary Clinton. The Smithsonian said that the portraits of Bill and Hillary will not hang in the same room. Boy, talk about art reflecting life." --Jay Leno

Having Fun With Hillary and Bill

"Hillary Clinton says she and her family stay in touch by emailing a lot. Bill said, 'Yeah, that's why I'm always alone on the computer in my room, emailing my family.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Well, the talk is that Hillary Clinton is going to try and help unite the party. She's going to unite the party. But today Bill Clinton says, according to his experience, the party is usually over whenever Hillary shows up." –Jay Leno

"The Washington Post reports that Senator Hillary Clinton is trying to win the Democratic nomination by reaching out to women. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'Oh sure, when she does it, it's okay.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because 'she can't think of a better cheerleader for America.' To which Bill Clinton said, 'I can think of 20 and I have their phone numbers.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I'm not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton ... wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?" –Jay Leno

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Kurtzman, Daniel. "35 Best Late-Night Jokes About Hillary Clinton." ThoughtCo, Sep. 12, 2017, thoughtco.com/funny-hillary-clinton-jokes-2734378. Kurtzman, Daniel. (2017, September 12). 35 Best Late-Night Jokes About Hillary Clinton. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/funny-hillary-clinton-jokes-2734378 Kurtzman, Daniel. "35 Best Late-Night Jokes About Hillary Clinton." ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/funny-hillary-clinton-jokes-2734378 (accessed November 21, 2017).