Hillary Clinton Jokes

Best Late-Night Jokes about Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton laughing
Justin Sullivan / Getty Images

See Also:
Funniest Hillary Clinton Memes
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Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." –Seth Meyers

"I saw that Hillary Clinton visited the headquarters of Twitter and Facebook yesterday. Hillary would also have visited LinkedIn, but she already knows what job she wants." –Jimmy Fallon

"In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden 'would be a superb president.' In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door." –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton said she may not run for president because she loves having time to hang out with her friends. Thankfully, most of her friends live in Iowa, New Hampshire, Ohio, Florida, and the great state of Pennsylvania." –Seth Meyers

"In an interview she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom." –Conan O'Brien
 
"In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Hillary Clinton said she would make her decision on running for president 'by the end of the year.' Specifically, the year 1998." –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel this year, and won't make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015.

When asked where she'll travel, she said, 'New Hampshire, Iowa, and maybe spend a few months in Florida.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom." –Conan O'Brien
 
"Hillary Clinton has a new book out on her experiences as secretary of state.

Instead of a book jacket, her book is wearing a pantsuit." –Conan O'Brien
 
"It's really starting to look like Hillary Clinton's going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama's campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run. They're starting early because they've got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton's browser history." –Conan O'Brien

"Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton's decision to run for president won't affect his decision to launch a campaign. While Hillary says Biden's decision to run for president won't affect her becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"A New York Times poll says that eight out of 10 Democrats want Hillary Clinton to run for president in 2016. The same poll also shows that 10 out of 10 Democrats want Chris Christie to run against her." –Seth Meyers

"Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, 'Could you start early?'" –David Letterman

"During a speech yesterday, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. You know, just like I still ‘don’t know’ if I’ll have a beer on St. Patrick’s Day." –Jimmy Fallon

"This week in New Orleans, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn't know if she's running for president in 2016.

Isn't that unbelievable? With 315 million Americans, what are the odds she's the only one in the country who doesn't know she's running for president in 2016?" –Jay Leno

"People are saying that Republicans got nothing out of the deal. Not true. They got eight years of Hillary." –David Letterman on the government shutdown

"Joe Biden said this week that he still dreams of being president. To which Hillary said, 'Keep dreaming.'" –Jay Leno

“Joe Biden brought donuts for the government employees. That is very nice. A donut and Joe Biden are very different, of course. One's a doughy thing that Hillary Clinton's going to eat for breakfast — and the other is a doughnut.” –Craig Ferguson

"Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she's so old that she could be a Republican." –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president. It makes sense because if there's one thing Romney's campaign manager is good at, it's stopping someone from becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton finally joined Twitter yesterday and racked up more than 200,000 followers in only five hours. Yeah, they were like, 'Hillary in 2016!' and 'Washington needs Hillary!' and 'Hillary for the White House!' That's not her followers. Those were her tweets." –Jimmy Fallon

"New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky…Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court." –Bill Maher

"Some experts are saying that the 2016 Democratic presidential race could come down to Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden. Biden is calling her a worthy opponent, while Hillary is calling him 'practice.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Supporters of Hillary Clinton have already started a 2016 super PAC on her behalf called 'Ready for Hillary.' And more cautious Democratic supporters have started another super PAC called 'Bracing for Biden.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count Hillary in 2016." –Jay Leno

"Bill Clinton was being interview recently, and he said that despite all the speculation, Hillary hasn't said anything to him about running for president in 2016. Though in fairness, she hasn't said anything to him since 1998." –Jimmy Fallon

"When asked if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Bill Clinton said, 'She's having a little fun being a private citizen.' And then he added, 'Not Bill Clinton fun, but fun nonetheless." –Conan O'Brien

See Also:
Funniest Hillary Clinton Memes
Funny Bill Clinton Pictures
Donald Trump Jokes
Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." –Seth Meyers

"I saw that Hillary Clinton visited the headquarters of Twitter and Facebook yesterday. Hillary would also have visited LinkedIn, but she already knows what job she wants." –Jimmy Fallon

"In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden 'would be a superb president.' In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door." –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton said she may not run for president because she loves having time to hang out with her friends. Thankfully, most of her friends live in Iowa, New Hampshire, Ohio, Florida, and the great state of Pennsylvania." –Seth Meyers

"In an interview she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom." –Conan O'Brien
 
"In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Hillary Clinton said she would make her decision on running for president 'by the end of the year.' Specifically, the year 1998." –Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton said she wants to travel this year, and won't make any announcements about her plans to run for president until 2015.

When asked where she'll travel, she said, 'New Hampshire, Iowa, and maybe spend a few months in Florida.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview she said that she and her husband were dead broke when they left the White House. Hillary said things were so bad, the two of them needed to share a bedroom." –Conan O'Brien
 
"Hillary Clinton has a new book out on her experiences as secretary of state.

Instead of a book jacket, her book is wearing a pantsuit." –Conan O'Brien
 
"It's really starting to look like Hillary Clinton's going to run. The digital team behind both of President Obama's campaigns is already preparing for a Hillary Clinton run. They're starting early because they've got to delete 10 years of Bill Clinton's browser history." –Conan O'Brien

"Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton's decision to run for president won't affect his decision to launch a campaign. While Hillary says Biden's decision to run for president won't affect her becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"A New York Times poll says that eight out of 10 Democrats want Hillary Clinton to run for president in 2016. The same poll also shows that 10 out of 10 Democrats want Chris Christie to run against her." –Seth Meyers

"Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, 'Could you start early?'" –David Letterman

"During a speech yesterday, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. You know, just like I still ‘don’t know’ if I’ll have a beer on St. Patrick’s Day." –Jimmy Fallon

"This week in New Orleans, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn't know if she's running for president in 2016.

Isn't that unbelievable? With 315 million Americans, what are the odds she's the only one in the country who doesn't know she's running for president in 2016?" –Jay Leno

"People are saying that Republicans got nothing out of the deal. Not true. They got eight years of Hillary." –David Letterman on the government shutdown

"Joe Biden said this week that he still dreams of being president. To which Hillary said, 'Keep dreaming.'" –Jay Leno

“Joe Biden brought donuts for the government employees. That is very nice. A donut and Joe Biden are very different, of course. One's a doughy thing that Hillary Clinton's going to eat for breakfast — and the other is a doughnut.” –Craig Ferguson

"Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she's so old that she could be a Republican." –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president. It makes sense because if there's one thing Romney's campaign manager is good at, it's stopping someone from becoming president." –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton finally joined Twitter yesterday and racked up more than 200,000 followers in only five hours. Yeah, they were like, 'Hillary in 2016!' and 'Washington needs Hillary!' and 'Hillary for the White House!' That's not her followers. Those were her tweets." –Jimmy Fallon

"New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm, Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky…Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court." –Bill Maher

"Some experts are saying that the 2016 Democratic presidential race could come down to Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden. Biden is calling her a worthy opponent, while Hillary is calling him 'practice.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Supporters of Hillary Clinton have already started a 2016 super PAC on her behalf called 'Ready for Hillary.' And more cautious Democratic supporters have started another super PAC called 'Bracing for Biden.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count Hillary in 2016." –Jay Leno

"Bill Clinton was being interview recently, and he said that despite all the speculation, Hillary hasn't said anything to him about running for president in 2016. Though in fairness, she hasn't said anything to him since 1998." –Jimmy Fallon

"When asked if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Bill Clinton said, 'She's having a little fun being a private citizen.' And then he added, 'Not Bill Clinton fun, but fun nonetheless." –Conan O'Brien