Humanities › Literature Funny Quotes About Women Humorous quotes about women Share Flipboard Email Print Dan Dalton/Getty Images Literature Quotations Funny Quotes Love Quotes Great Lines from Movies and Television Quotations For Holidays Best Sellers Classic Literature Plays & Drama Poetry Shakespeare Short Stories Children's Books By Simran Khurana Education Expert M.B.A, Human Resource Development and Management, Narsee Monjee Institution of Management Studies B.S., University of Mumbai, Commerce, Accounting, and Finance Simran Khurana is the Editor-in-Chief for ReachIvy, and a teacher and freelance writer and editor, who uses quotations in her pedagogy. our editorial process Simran Khurana Updated February 23, 2019 Women are not easy to understand, at least according to the famous authors, poets, entertainers, and comedians who have written on the nature of women. None of them claim to fully fathom the female mind. Find out what they really think of these funny quotes about women — some written by men, some by women. Read wisecracks about a woman's nature that make most women exclaim, "What's all the fuss about?" But men say, "How true, how true!" Will Rogers "There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works." Robert Heinlein "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." Nancy Reagan "A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water." Sigmund Freud "Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?" Margaret Mead "I do not believe in using women in combat because females are too fierce." Aristotle "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." James Thurber "I hate women because they always know where things are." Malcolm de Chazal "A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man when he is in the right, will keep on talking." Freya Stark "The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised." Gloria Steinem "Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage." "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." Dave Barry "Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make men stupid." Joseph Conrad "Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men." Ogden Nash "I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm." Virginia Woolf "For most of history, Anonymous was a woman." Charlotte Whitton "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult." Chris Rock "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." Mae West "Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere." Mike Vanatta "Woman aren't confusing. They're a Sudoku-Jenga puzzle surrounded by Rubik's cubes strapped to a terrorist screaming at you in another language." Ann Landers "Women complain about sex more often than men. Their gripes fall into two major categories: (1) Not Enough. (2) Too Much." Harry Haenigsen "Feminine intuition is a fiction and a fraud. It is nonsensical, illogical, emotional, ridiculous and practically foolproo.."