Arm Yourself With Funny Sarcastic Quotes to Make an Everlasting Impact

Barbs and Jabs Galore

Man and woman laughing in a pub
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We live in a sarcastic society. You find sarcasm everywhere. Newspaper headlines reek of sarcasm. Blog posts, status updates, and tweets are filled with sarcastic quotes. Sometimes, you hear a honeyed compliment from a not-so-good friend, only to realize later that you just got a jab of sarcasm.

Sarcasm can be an underhand compliment, a snarky retort, or a curt jibe. People often use sarcasm to vent their unhappiness. Or to hurt others. Some sarcastic comments are so subtle that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a compliment and sarcasm.

Many famous actors and writers are known for sarcasm. Groucho Marx was admired and feared for his in-your-face comebacks. His words hardly ever missed the mark, and often kept inflated egos in check.

Mark Twain was especially famous for his witty sarcasms. He earned quite a reputation for his tongue-in-cheek jabs at educational institutions, and even religion and death. Winston Churchill and Oscar Wilde were also infamous for their famous putdowns.

Sometimes you need to put people in their place. Especially those Internet trolls, who have the 'I-can-write-whatever-I-want' attitude. When logical debates and arguments lose their sheen, you can resort to sarcasm. If you want to use sarcasm to end a pointless argument or to cut down a narcissist to size, use these funny sarcastic quotes. With a biting retort, you can have the last word, and the last laugh.

Walter Kerr
"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."

Oscar Wilde
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

Janeane Garofalo
"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth."

Fred Allen
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."

Sir Winston Churchill
"A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him."

P. J. O'Rourke
"After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party?

Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."

Cal Thomas
"Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood."

Oscar Wilde
"I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect."

Satchel Paige
"Don't look back -- something might be gaining on you."

Golda Meir
"Don’t be so humble -- you are not that great."

Jonathan Kellerman
"Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute."

Salvador Dali
"Have no fear of perfection -- you'll never reach it."

A. Whitney Brown
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."

Victor Borge
"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year."

Oscar Wilde
"I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes."

Ronald Reagan
"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress."

Fred Allen
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."

Frank Lloyd Wright
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools.

Let's start with typewriters."

Billy Wilder
"If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you."

Mark Twain
"It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

Benny Hill
"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."

Aldous Huxley
"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."

Oscar Wilde
"Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike."

Buddy Hackett
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it."

Jonathan Fuerbringer
"One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average."

Albert Einstein
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."