Funny Quotes About Sex

Couple under sheets smiling

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Sex can be passionate, tender, loving and exciting. But can sex be funny? The answer is a definite "yes." Laughing with the one you love makes the whole experience better, memorable and multidimensional. Plus laughter is, you know, the best medicine, and it gets all those endorphins firing and turns up the amount of serotonin in your system, both of which are known to boost mood. And just think what that will do for the activity at hand. So share these funny takes on sex from some of the best comics of all time with the one you're with for a rollicking good time.

Funny Sex Quotes

Steve Martin: "You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither."

Joss Whedon: "'Hey you wanna have sex and get married? Ok then ...' that works every time!"

Bill Maher: "Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex."

Milton Berle: "Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."

Woody Allen: "I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

Drew Carey: "You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!" 

Mae West: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"

Gloria Steinem: "A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after."

Joan Rivers: "My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

Woody Allen: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good."

Groucho Marx: "I remember the first time I had sex. I kept the receipt."

Marilyn Monroe: "It's not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on."

John Callahan: "Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any."

Steve Martin: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Helen Gurley Brown: "Good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere."

George Carlin: "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

Richard Feynman: "Physics is like sex: Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it."

Russell Brand: "I couldn't possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar."

Geroge Bernard Shaw: "Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire."

Woody Allen: "Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."

Dorothy Parker: "She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."

Mae West: "Sex is an emotion in motion."