14 Quotes for a Funny Wedding Toast

14 Quotes to Break the Ice

Best man giving bride and groom toast
Stewart Cohen / Getty Images

If you've been asked to give a wedding toast, chances are you're taking your role seriously. Perhaps too seriously! Often, the best wedding toasts start with a joke, even if they wind up with a sincere wish for the couple's future happiness.

Why Give a Funny Wedding Toast?

Weddings bring up complicated emotions. For the bride and groom, there's joy along with (in many cases) tremendous anxiety. Sometimes the anxiety is related to the very idea of a permanent commitment; other times it's related to aspects of the wedding itself.

Will the caterer show up? Will my divorced parents get into a fight? Will Aunt Jane get drunk and fall into the wedding cake?

Similarly, complex emotions come up for parents who are both thrilled and saddened as their child steps into a new role and a new stage of life. Siblings may be delighted, jealous, or even angry about some aspect of the wedding. Best friends may feel left behind.

Humor is almost always the best way to break the ice, lower anxiety, and just have fun at a wedding. If you've been asked to give a wedding toast, chances are you have a close relationship with either the bride, the groom, or both. That means you know which kinds of humor are likely to get a big laugh, and which won't.

Funny Wedding Quotes to Choose From

Not all of these famous quotes will be right for you, but you'll almost certainly find one or two that connect with your particular wedding party!

Henny Youngman
The secret of a happy "marriage remains a secret."

John Milton
"Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate."

Henry Kissinger
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.

There'€s too much fraternizing with the enemy."

Cathy Carlyle
"Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch."​

Socrates
"By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

Rita Rudner
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

Mickey Rooney
"Always get married early in the morning.

That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."

Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back."

Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has."

Honore de Balzac
"The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin."

Anne Bancroft

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."

Erma Bombeck

"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery!"

Anonymous

"A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal."

Winston Churchill

"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me."