"Zoolander" Quotes

Zoolander movie still

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"Zoolander" (2001) is a hilarious depiction of male models. It portrays them as dim-witted and self-obsessed people who can be easily manipulated. These good-spirited and silly "Zoolander" movie quotes make for some great laughs, including the all-time great "gasoline fight accident" line.

The Zoolander Characters: They Are the Funniest of the Lot

Ben Stiller in the lead role as Derek Zoolander, a fashion model, plays the role of the rebutted, usurped model of the year role to the hilt. He has perfect comic timing, and his body language draws tremendously from the stereotypes around the fashion industry. With spoofs and jokes galore, this movie parodies the superficial world of glamour.

Mugatu, the role played by Will Ferrell, promises to keep you hooked. As the fashion czar, Mugatu is also the bad guy. Ferrell has some of the craziest lines in the movie, and they make his character iconic. 

Hansel (Owen Wilson) is the new young model on the fashion scene and is the reason Derek loses his job as a model. 

With kitschy costumes, raucous humor, and a touch of values and patriotism, "Zoolander" hits the spot every time with quotes like...

Derek Zoolander

"There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.'"

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend."

"If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident."

"Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty."

"I'm not an ambi-turner."

Mugatu

"As a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte!"

"They're break-dance fighting."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your a**? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!"

[While he is trying to hypnotize Derek]
"Hi Derek! My name's Little Cletus and I'm here to tell you a few things about child labor laws, ok? They're silly and outdated. Why back in the '30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; from textile factories to iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray!"

Matilda

"When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class."

Hansel

"I hear words like 'beauty' and 'handsomeness' and 'incredibly chiseled features' and for me, that's like a vanity of self-absorption that I try to steer clear of."

Larry Zoolander

[At the bar, when Derek is emotional and confesses that he wants his dad to be proud of him.]
"You're dead to me, son. You're even more dead to me than your dead mother."