Humorous Love Quotes

Find Humor in Love and Marriage with Funny Quotes

Lovers hands
© Elizabeth Fernández G. Photography/ Moment/ Getty Images

Poking fun at love or marriage can be a dangerous proposition when you're making a joke in the presence of your loved one. Humor is like spice: the right amount can make a delicacy out of a bland meal. The key is "the right amount." Use a humorous quote to season your words with the right amount of humor. Even then, be prepared to duck, apologize, and eat your words. At least, you'll be able to attribute them to someone else.

Thyra Smater Winsolow
"Platonic love is love from the neck up."

Lily Tomlin
"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?"

Woody Allen
"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Unknown
"Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely."

Rogers Willson
"It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning it was someone else."

Edgar Watson Howe
"A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did."

John Updike
"Every marriage tends to consist of an aristocrat and a peasant."

Frank Zappa
"I detest 'love lyrics.' I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on 'love lyrics.'

Bill Cosby
"For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked."

Honoré de Balzac
"Great love affairs start with champagne and end with tisane."

Ray Bandy
"Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating."

Johnny Carson
"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."

H. L. Mencken
"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a goddess."

David Bissonette
"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."

Beverly Nichols
"Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose."

Henry Louis Mencken
"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too."

Helen Rowland
"When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living."

Anonymous
"They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them."

Anonymous
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Lord Dewar
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."

Helen Rowland
"A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth… and endures all the rest."

Helen Rowland
"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced."

Anonymous
"Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock."