Lighten Up With Humorous Thanksgiving Quotes

Funny Stuff Deflates Turkey Day Tension

Keeping things humorous with these famous Thanksgiving quotes.

Thanksgiving is the perfect occasion to crack up your family with silly jokes, funny anecdotes, quips, and puns. If you are hosting Thanksgiving at home for a large group of friends and family, expect some unbridled humor and ribald jokes after a few rounds of cognac. But why wait for the alcohol to let your hair down? You can do it with just some smart funnies. And if stress might be around the table in your family, you are not alone.

Some funny lines can cut right through that Turkey Day tension. These humorous quotes about Thanksgiving might just be the most important thing on the menu.

Famous Thanksgiving Quotes

Mark Twain
"Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for -- annually, not oftener -- if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous 12 months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man's side, consequently on the Lord's side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments."

Jon Stewart
"I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way.

I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

John Baillie
"The very fact that a man is thankful implies someone to be thankful to."

Erma Bombeck
"Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes.

This is not a coincidence."

Rita Rudner
"My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow."

Ellen Orleans
"I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all."

Charles Lamb
"Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving."

Irv Kupcine
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day."

Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I love Thanksgiving turkey ... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts."
 
Kevin James
"Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants."

Mike Connolly
"Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey -- until Thanksgiving."

P. J. O'Rourke
"Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year."

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Khurana, Simran. "Lighten Up With Humorous Thanksgiving Quotes." ThoughtCo, Jul. 29, 2017, thoughtco.com/humorous-thanksgiving-quotes-2833176. Khurana, Simran. (2017, July 29). Lighten Up With Humorous Thanksgiving Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/humorous-thanksgiving-quotes-2833176 Khurana, Simran. "Lighten Up With Humorous Thanksgiving Quotes." ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/humorous-thanksgiving-quotes-2833176 (accessed November 17, 2017).