James Corden Jokes

Best Political Jokes by Late-Night Comedian James Corden

James Corden
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Best Donald Trump Jokes
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"Donald Trump is finally sitting down with his nemesis, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, to discuss unifying the Republican Party after they have been trash-talking each other for months. Ryan is in a difficult spot. On the one hand, Trump has made a lot of offensive statements. On the other hand, Trump is his party's only chance at winning — and because it's Trump, both of those hands are very, very tiny." –James Corden

"Paul Ryan right now is like a girl at a bar at the end of the night where all the hot guys have left. So she's trying to convince herself that it would be worth taking home the guy with the orange skin and weird hair." –James Corden

"But Ryan is not the only one who seems to be changing his mind about Trump. Former presidential candidate John McCain stated this week that he thinks Donald Trump could be a 'capable leader.' John McCain spent several years in a Vietnam prison, and now saying 'Donald Trump is capable' sounds like the hardest thing he's ever had to do." –James Corden

"I'm sorry, but saying Donald Trump could be a capable leader is not very reassuring. If you are about to have an operation and they tell you that your doctor could be a capable surgeon, you would be like, 'You know what? It was a minor heart attack. I'm good. Don't worry.'" –James Corden

"Yesterday, a North Korean official turned down an offer by Donald Trump to visit the country and meet with Kim Jong Un, saying the offer is 'propaganda' and 'nonsense.' This doesn't make Trump look good.

You know you're in trouble when the leader of North Korea is like, 'I can't associate myself with that guy.'" –James Corden

"Trump got turned down for a meeting with Kim Jong Un. So I guess his search for a vice president isn't going so well. Seriously, how do you get denied by North Korea?" –James Corden

Today was the Indiana primary and the winner was, of course, Donald Trump.

But the big news was that Ted Cruz ended his presidential campaign. I can't believe Cruz is quitting the race. I mean, who quits just because they've lost?" –James Corden

"Cruz said he's looking forward to being able to spend more time with his family. In response, his family said, 'Are you sure you want to quit?'" –James Corden

"Ted Cruz suspending his campaign is great news for the only other candidate, John Kasich, who is now just waiting for Donald Trump to drop out." –James Corden

"Earlier in his campaign, Trump was calling Carly Fiorina ugly. Now he's saying he might pick her up if she falls down. Guys, that's growth. He's getting more presidential every day." –James Corden

"Just before Cruz exited the race, Donald Trump implied that Ted Cruz's dad may have been involved in the Kennedy assassination. This is very unlike Trump. Usually, he thoroughly investigates a story before repeating it to millions of people." –James Corden

"Yesterday Ted Cruz, the man mathematically eliminated from becoming president, picked his vice president. Cruz chose Carly Fiorina as his running mate: The first woman ever to lose the Republican nomination twice in three months." –James Corden

"Just to be clear, there is no way Ted Cruz could even get the nomination.

He's now like a 6 year old, pretending to be president." –James Corden

"I'm pretty sure we're going to see Ted Cruz drive around in a minivan with 'Air Force One' spray painted on the sides. He'll be dressing up all of his daughters' dolls like advisers going, 'Yes, that is a good point about healthcare. Thank you, Malibu Barbie!'" –James Corden

"Yesterday, a North Korean official turned down an offer by Donald Trump to visit the country and meet with Kim Jong Un, saying the offer is 'propaganda' and 'nonsense.' This doesn't make Trump look good. You know you're in trouble when the leader of North Korea is like, 'I can't associate myself with that guy.'" –James Corden

"Trump got turned down for a meeting with Kim Jong Un. So I guess his search for a vice president isn't going so well. Seriously, how do you get denied by North Korea?" –James Corden

"Chris Christie was the focus of a shaming campaign after a fan at a basketball game photographed him seemingly pouring a bag of M&Ms into a box of M&Ms. I guarantee you Chris Christie did not know the score of that basketball game." –James Corden

"My point is that Chris Christie eating M&Ms isn't something that should go viral. It's basically what we expect. Like nobody would get excited if they caught Bernie Sanders cutting his own hair in a bus station bathroom. It's just what he does." –James Corden

"Last night was the GOP town hall on CNN and of course all of the focus was on Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. I have to say, Trump and Cruz are turning into the real-life version of 'Batman v Superman': It's taking too long and it sucks." –James Corden

"Trump's campaign manager Corey Lewandowski was recently arrested and charged with battery of a female reporter after he allegedly grabbed and twisted her arm, but Trump is dismissing the allegations and is standing by his campaign manager. I know what you are thinking — how is this the one time that Trump doesn't say, 'You're fired.'" –James Corden

"Trump's explanation for keeping Lewandowski on staff is that he's a loyal person. And Trump IS a loyal person. Just ask any of his three wives." –James Corden

"Donald Trump became a grandfather for the eighth time, ladies and gentlemen. When Trump actually met the baby, he was like, 'Wow, look at the size of those hands!'" –James Corden

"The family says the baby is doing well and has already used its building blocks to build a wall between him and his nanny." –James Corden

"Meanwhile, on the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders has been on a hot streak. He won three states on Saturday, but the biggest thing that happened to him was at a rally in Portland, Oregon, where he got a surprise visit from an unexpected guest. That bird landing on his podium was actually the closest Bernie Sanders has come to ever sending a tweet." –James Corden

"I'm not mocking Bernie, but when a bird lands on your podium and that's the biggest reaction you get, maybe you're not the most interesting presidential candidate.

Bernie was like, 'OK, let's get back to the economy.' And the audience is like, 'Awww.'" –James Corden

"Today is Super Tuesday. Again. Am I the only one who thinks there are starting to be more Super Tuesdays than normal Tuesdays? They're even calling it Super Tuesday 3. If we've learned anything from Hollywood franchises, then today will be an expensive letdown." –James Corden

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