Jeb Bush Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Presidential Candidate Jeb Bush

Jeb Bush for President Jokes
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See Also:
Funniest Donald Trump Memes
Funniest GOP Campaign Memes
Donald Trump Jokes
• Hillary Clinton Jokes

"I saw that George W. Bush is now appearing in a campaign ad supporting his brother's presidential campaign. Jeb says he hopes it will help him win over a very specific group of undecided voters: his parents." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush's mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush, joined him on the campaign trail yesterday for the first time.

Though she did emphasize that she still hasn't decided who she's voting for." –Seth Meyers

"This week, Mike Huckabee, Martin O'Malley, Rand Paul, and Rick Santorum have all decided to drop out of the race. Which explains Jeb Bush's new campaign slogan, 'I can't take a hint.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Jeb Bush finished sixth behind Rand Paul who dropped out, but Jeb Bush is still running. He doesn't know what to do — if he loses he can't go home because his father and brother will laugh at him." –Jimmy Kimmel

"We tape our show before the results are in so we don't know who won either primary yet. All we do know is that Jeb Bush lost." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Much to the dismay of many Republicans, a new report said Donald Trump is still leading in the polls, and one voter was quoted as saying, 'Unfortunately, I'm leaning toward Trump.' Even worse, that voter was Jeb Bush." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush hasn't done a good job of marketing himself.

First mistake was to eliminate the word Bush. The slogan was Jeb! With an exclamation point, which is not a slogan, it's just his name with upbeat punctuation. Bu then 'Jeb can fix it' which sounds like a local roto-rooter or someone's uncle's YouTube channel." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Everybody's still talking about Donald Trump.

A recent poll had voters describe Trump in one word, and a lot of them used the words 'idiot,' 'buffoon,' 'clown,' and 'jerk.' And those are the people voting for Trump. Of course, they also used other words, like 'Still,' 'better,' 'than' and 'Jeb.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush's campaign has a contest now where someone will be flown to Houston to meet him, his dad, and his brother. No word on what the winner gets." –Conan O'Brien

"At a speech in Tennessee, Trump talked about his decision to run for president, and said, quote, 'I didn't want to do this, I had to do this.' Then he was immediately sued by Jeb Bush for stealing his campaign slogan." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush said last week that Democrats often win the black vote because they tell people 'we'll take care of you with free stuff.' Whereas Democrats actually win the black vote because Republicans keep saying stuff like that." –Seth Meyers

"I read that Jeb Bush has seen a drop in campaign donations lately, and has been forced to take commercial flights to campaign events. It got weird when the airline said they lost Jeb's baggage and he was like, 'You lost my brother?!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"One of the big moments during the debate was Jeb Bush admitted to smoking marijuana in high school, while marijuana denied having anything to do with Jeb Bush." –Jimmy Fallon

"In a recent interview, Jeb Bush revealed that his brother George gave him the nickname 'tortoise' because he's making slow, steady progress.

Though I think the bigger story here is that compared to George, Jeb is the slow one." –Jimmy Fallon

"In a new campaign ad, Jeb Bush referenced 'The Godfather' and said his nickname used to be 'Veto Corleone' because he vetoed so many bills in Florida. When you're the third person in your family to run for president, maybe you shouldn't bring up a movie trilogy where the third one was clearly the worst." –Jimmy Fallon

"Today Jeb Bush announced he's running for president on Snapchat. By using Snapchat, Bush's message will disappear after 10 seconds just like the excitement over his campaign." –Conan O'Brien

"Jeb Bush is taking his presidential campaign on a tour of Europe. He's telling Europeans, 'I like you guys because you're comfortable having the same family in charge for centuries.'" –Conan O'Brien

"By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president.

And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.' And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her. " –David Letterman

"Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush Presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one." –David Letterman

"Jeb Bush gave a speech yesterday. He had a pretty rough time. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of 20,000, and then he mispronounced the name of the terrorist group Boko Haram. So if history has taught us anything, Jeb is well on his way to winning the White House." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday during a speech on national security, Jeb Bush mispronounced Boko Haram and got confused between Iran and Iraq. When reached for comment, his brother George W. said, 'He sure sounds presidentiary to me.'" –Conan O'Brien

"According to The New York Times, Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanic on his 2009 voter registration form. While Hillary Clinton identified herself as 'President.'" –Seth Meyers

"We have Donald Trump and Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham all running for president. It's all part of the Republican plan to make Jeb Bush look presidential." –David Letterman

"Jeb announced on the Internet that he is exploring a 2016 bid for president. And to increase his chances, he's going to run as just 'Jeb.' He said, 'My last name? It's not important.'" –Seth Meyers

"Jeb Bush’s brother Neil said that their mother has 'come around' to the idea of Jeb running for president in 2016. Because if there's anything that says you're qualified to be president, it's your own mom saying, 'I guess you could do it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Both President Obama and former President George W. Bush were interviewed on 'Face the Nation' over the weekend. President Bush said there's a 50 percent chance his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Then he said, 'But there's an 80 percent chance he won't.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Bush said his brother, Jeb, would make a great president. That's all we need. Big Brother's little brother." –Bill Maher

"Jeb Bush is toying with the idea of running for president.

Well, I’m toying with the idea of drinking again." –David Letterman

"Jeb Bush has announced he might run for president, because how many times have you thought to yourself that all we need is one more Bush in the White House? Actually, experts say he's a shoe-in because he owns all of the crooked voting machines." --David Letterman

Next > Funny George W. Bush Memes

 "Florida Gov. Jeb Bush says he wants to be president. Well that's good, somebody will have to pardon his brother." --David Letterman

"Rumor is that President Bush's brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, may run for president. Rumor is? According to Florida voting machines, he's already won." --Jay Leno

"Jeb Bush now says he would like to be president, and I think I speak for all Americans when I say, 'When can you start, Jeb?'" --David Letterman

"George Bush's brother Jeb, who is the governor of Florida, says he wants to be president.

And you can't blame him. Right now the Bush name is magic." --David Letterman

"Florida Gov. Jeb Bush says he wants to be president. Well that's good, somebody will have to pardon his brother." --David Letterman

The big question, what's going to get dried out first, New Orleans or Gov. Jeb Bush's son? You hear about this? President Bush's nephew, John Ellis Bush, who is Jeb Bush's son, was arrested for public drunkenness and resisting arrest. Apparently the family's concerned that this behavior will hurt his chances of having a political career. But it didn't hurt Uncle George" --Jay Leno

"It was so hot down in Florida Jeb Bush was rigging ice machines." --David Letterman

"Condoleezza Rice was confirmed by a vote of 85, 13, despite a contentious but futile protest vote by democrats. By the way, for a fun second term drinking game, chug a beer every time you hear the phrase 'contentious but futile protest vote by democrats.' By the time Jeb Bush is elected, you'll be so wasted you won't even notice the war in Syria." --Jon Stewart

"Florida Governor Jeb Bush announced that to avoid any election return problems in Florida this year, this time he is going to announce the results before people go into vote." --Jay Leno

"Governor Jeb Bush of Florida announced he was running for re-election.

Not only did he announce he was running for re-election, he also announced what his final vote count would be." —Jay Leno

"There have been rumors swirling around Florida that Florida Gov. Jeb Bush had been cheating on his wife. But he says no, that's not true, technically he wasn't cheating, they only had dimpled sex.

That's when it doesn't go all the way." —Jay Leno

"Actually they said they don't really know how many women (Jeb Bush) has been with because since it is Florida, they're still counting. ... Boy talk about switches. During the last administration the president was accused of infidelity and his brother was an idiot. Now it is the other way around." —Jay Leno

"Jeb Bush went on TV the other day to deny rumors that he had a sexual relationship with a former Playboy Playmate. Oh! As a guy, that's got to kill you doesn't it? Having to deny to your friends that you had sex with a Playmate, even if you did." —Jay Leno