Jimmy Kimmel Jokes

Best Political Jokes by Late-Night Comedian Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel
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Latest Late-Night Jokes
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Donald Trump Jokes
Hillary Clinton Jokes
Barack Obama Jokes


"Hillary Clinton gave a speech in Columbus, Ohio, where she called Trump an uncaring businessman. Which I guess is supposed to be an insult, except those are the exact words he has printed on his business card." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Clinton's senior adviser said if we were to put Trump behind the wheel of the American economy, he would drive us off a cliff.

That's ridiculous. He's going to drive us into a wall, a nice beautiful wall paid for by Mexico." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Trump says that by the 100th day of his presidency the wall on the border of Mexico will be designed, the immigration ban on Muslims will be in place, the four horsemen will be scheduled to appear. He'll get to work chiseling Roosevelt's face on Mount Rushmore and replacing it with his own." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Bernie Sanders is elected, he plans on spending the first 100 days figuring out the Lincoln Bedroom DVR." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If it comes down to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, if the vote was today, Trump would be in trouble. Clinton leads Trump in a hypothetical matchup 54 percent to 36 percent. While 68 percent of likely general election voters view Donald Trump negatively and the other 32 percent don't have Twitter or television." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Even though Hillary has more votes and delegates and superdelegates and states, Bernie Sanders still isn't giving up.

He says he will continue to fight. He's like one of those old Japanese guys on an island who thinks the war is still going on." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Democrats are concerned that Sanders' campaign could alienate enough voters to hand Donald Trump the election. Bernie said, 'Listen, I'm 74 years old. I'm surrounded by college girls screaming my name.

Don't ruin this for me.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"So Clinton won Kentucky and Sanders won Oregon, and now this will be settled by whose supporters can be most annoying on Facebook. Good luck, everybody." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump is trying to spread the tabloid story that Ted Cruz's dad is somehow involved in the assassination of JFK. While I'm pretty sure Rafael Cruz didn't have anything to do with the assassination of JFK, he does look like a James Bond villain from the Sean Connery era." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Ted Cruz and John Kasich made a pact so they would each have a better chance of stopping Donald Trump from getting the delegates he needs. It's a halfhearted alliance between two guys who don't like each other. Somehow Donald Trump has turned this into an episode of 'The Apprentice.' This is exactly what Gary Busey and Meatloaf would do." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bernie Sanders was here on Tuesday and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is here tonight. They're an interesting pair because they're still competing with each other, but eventually we know they're going to team up to stop the deranged billionaire who wants to take over the world. Which if you think about it is basically the plot to 'Batman vs. Superman,' the movie.

They spoiled it without giving an alert." –Jimmy Kimmel

"One of Donald Trump's most high-profile supporters, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, is planning to host a new reality courtroom show. She would be the judge. The show doesn't have a title yet but they're thinking about calling it 'Terrible Idea.' It's a strange thing. People wanting to run the country are now hosting reality shows and people hosting reality shows now want to run the country. We live in a very confusing time." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Chris Christie flew all the way to Florida to stand behind Donald Trump supporting him. Throughout the speech, he looks genuinely miserable. He looks like he saw the bottom of a supposedly bottomless pasta bowl at Olive Garden. He looks as though someone just told him butterscotch causes cancer." –Jimmy Kimmel

"You know how in high school sometimes the students will vote for the weirdest kid in class to be prom king as a joke, and then so many people get in on the joke, the kid actually becomes prom king?

Well, anyway, Donald Trump won Super Tuesday." –Jimmy Kimmel

"There was another debate between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders in New Hampshire. They've already had so many debates they're starting to run out of things to fight about. Tonight they sat there quietly like an old married couple at a restaurant." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Jeb Bush finished sixth behind Rand Paul who dropped out, but Jeb Bush is still running. He doesn't know what to do — if he loses he can't go home because his father and brother will laugh at him." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." –Jimmy Kimmel

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