Proving that you don&#39;t need computers or even electricity to be accused of sex with children and animals, there&#39;s been a slew of disturbing reports from Amish country, and not the kind that bring in tourists hoping to see how butter is made.<p>Some people cry at weddings... others just go nuts. Police in Florida say Kirsten Nicole Miller, 22, is one of the latter... because she allegedly drank two bottles of vodka then began fighting with everyone at her brother&#39;s wedding.</p>She can make love... talk about the game... and comes with an off button. Learn more about Roxxxy, the future of robo-sex toys.Sometimes, a lie is far worse than the truth. Police say a woman caught using her boyfriend&#39;s ski pass claimed she was in the middle of a sex-change operation.A Florida woman is accused of beating a man with a piece of raw meat, according to the Associated Press. Police say that 53-year-old Elise Egan admitted to slapping the disabled man &#34;so that he could learn,&#34; but did not admit to attacking him with meat. The lesson apparently had something to do with wanted a roll instead of sliced bread.There are things you should just never do at the library. Masturbating is definitely one of them. Police in Burlington, Kentucky say they arrested a man who was doing just that at the Main Branch of the Boone County Library. But guess what? He wasn&#39;t even using the computer to look at porn.Police in Tampa say Joshua Basso was alone and &#34;in the mood&#34; when his cell phone ran out of minutes. So police say he called 911 and asked for someone to have sex with him... five times. Welcome to the Weird Crime Mug Shot Hall of Shame, Josh.Chinese authorities have shut down a condom plant, saying it was producing unsafe and tainted rubbers. What&#39;s worse is they are trying to recall two million rubbers, although they haven&#39;t explained how they&#39;re going to do that.Lisa Nowak, the former astronaut who drove diapered to from Texas to Orlando to confront her romantic rival, now has to pay for her crimes.Death by sex isn&#39;t as good as it sounds. Between 500 and 1,000 Americans -- mostly men -- die every year from autoerotic self-asphyxiation, which is a fancy way of saying strangled themselves during masturbation. That&#39;s comparable to the New York City murder rate. Read more about this bizarre fetish and its toll at Details.com.A Tennessee couple is spending their honeymoon behind bars after allegedly robbing the place where they were married. Police say Brian T. Dykes (pictured), 21, and Mindy K. McGhee, 24, were wed at the Black Bear Cub Resort Wedding Chapel... then returned at 1 a.m. to rob the joint.Two Florida women -- a mother and daughter -- fighting over the same man were arrested and tossed in the clink, according to police. See both of their mug shots -- and some of the battle scars -- in the Weird Crime Mug Shot Hall of Shame.A woman from the St. Louis area was arrested for having sex with her fiance&#39;s brother... who is just 13 years old. See her photo in the Weird Crime Mug Shot Hall of Shame.Are Syrians engaged in some epic monkey-spanking? One blogger&#39;s complaint that the nation&#39;s youth is overly engaged in self-satisfaction has resulted in a sort of online sexual revolution... assuming sex with one&#39;s self counts, according to Newsweek. We&#39;ll be keeping an eye out for any stories on increased blindness and hairy palms in the region.Stand up and take a bow, German men -- you&#39;re officially the world&#39;s worst lovers, according to a poll of 15,000 women. Don&#39;t snicker, Englishmen -- you&#39;re number two on that not-so-lusty list, according to the Telegraph. Respondents complained that German men stink, while the Brits are lazy lovers. Swedes finish too early, the Dutch are rough and Americans are, naturally, dominating... rounding out the rest of the worst.Talk about too hot to handle! A female prison guard in Britain says she lost her job because she was too sexy, and has now won an unfair dismissal and sex discrimination lawsuit, according to the Mail Online.A British researcher says couples who sleep together have 50 percent more nighttime disturbances than those who don&#39;t, according to the BBC. He&#39;s just no fun.A German woman who suffered a seizure now thinks she&#39;s a man, according to LiveScience. The woman, who was completely healthy before the seizure, even believes other women are turning into men.<p>Yes, that pile of towels really does have eyes and feet.Police say 45-year-old convicted sex offender Gregory Tyrrell covered himself in the towels and entered the women&#39;s locker room at a health club, according to <a href="http://www.kptm.com/Global/story.asp?S&#61;10995326&amp;nav&#61;menu606_2" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1" rel="nofollow">KPTM FOX 42</a>.</p>Opponents of sex shops in Kansas are trying to put limits on these businesses, including hours limitations that would force them to close late at night.Police say Dalia Dippolito tried to arrange for her husband&#39;s murder, and then cried about it to police. Her biggest mistake: Allegedly hiring an ex-cop to do the job.What happens when you supposedly cheat on three women at once? One man in Wisconsin was apparently lured to a hotel room where he got stuck in an extremely sticky situation.A whorehouse in Berlin offers deep discounts for bicyclists, hoping to attract men with dirty minds and green sensibilities.Police say an intoxicated 45-year-old Florida woman repeatedly poked her live-in boyfriend in the groin with a pink sex toy so relentlessly, he had to call 911 to get her to stop.Lahoma Sue Smith of Oklahoma pleaded guilty to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex.Doreen DeTroye, 48, allegedly called Wisconsin police to take her to her ex-husband so she could &#34;beat the crap&#34; out of her ex-husband&#39;s girlfriend.Thomas Beatie has once again given birth, and his wife Nancy is breastfeeding the baby.A man from Brooklyn is suing the online dating service Match.com for inflicting &#34;humiliation and disappointment&#34; because many of the beautiful women on the site are not truly available because they are &#34;canceled subscribers or never subscribed at all.&#34;Angry that his family denied him permission to marry the woman he loved, an Egyptian man cut off his penis and mutilated his testicles. His lover was described as someone from a lower class, and he had apparently begged his prominent family for two years before turning to self-mutilation.Justin and Jordan Washington came from their mother&#39;s womb just seven minutes apart, but they have different fathers. Their mother, Mia, apparently cheated on her partner and conceived a child with each man on the same day, within a very short time of each other.A Florida woman charged with prostitution tells police, &#34;The sex is free.&#34; She says she only charges for her &#34;company.&#34;Miss California Carrie Prejean seems to think she&#39;s being persecuted because of her Christian beliefs, but that&#39;s getting harder to believe with the release of each new topless photo.Timothy Havens of Ohio was sentenced to 90 days in jail after telling a 911 dispatcher that he accidentally shot his estranged wife during sex.Miss California Carrie Prejean seems to think she&#39;s being persecuted because of her Christian beliefs, but that&#39;s getting harder to believe with the release of each new topless photo.Lisa Marie Coker showed up at her ex-boyfriend&#39;s wedding, heavily armed.. . . And, of course, the guy left her there.Thousands of Kenyan women vow a one-week sex strike to protest political infighting that has devastated the country. &#34;We have looked at all issues which can bring people to talk and we have seen that sex is the answer,&#34; said Rukia Subow, chairman of the Women&#39;s Development Organization.In this age of equality, it was only a mater of time before women had protective cups to guard their crotches, just like men. Let me introduce you to the Va J-J Visor, the latest in feminine protection.Police Troy Christoff, 34, dramatically loaded his gun with five bullets, one named for each member of his family. Luckily, his wife shot first with anonymous ammunition.An 83-year-old man and a 25-year-old woman are accused &#34;crimes against nature&#34; for having sex in a Buick parked outside of a North Carolina Wal-Mart.Christopher Childers expected something different when he sneaked into the car and surprised two 19-year-old Hooters waitresses -- and he has the scars to prove it.A Texas police chief faces aggravated assault for allegedly tasering his live-in girlfriend -- and this isn&#39;t the first time he&#39;s been charged in an incident of domestic violence.It seems that fashion is going through size inflation. &#34;These days, many women -- to their shock or glee -- are finding that DD is becoming the new C,&#34; writes Laura Holson in <i>The New York Times</i>.<p>You&#39;d know Lindsay Lohan has called it quits with her girlfriend if you follow her on Twitter. <a href="http://www.usmagazine.com/news/source-lindsay-lohan-samantha-ronson-split-200964" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="externalLink" data-ordinal="1" rel="nofollow">Us Weekly</a> quotes her tweeting to Samantha Ronson, &#34;PLEASE leave me ALONE. and stop staying in the room below me, you&#39;ve woken me and my mother up. go to bed. keep cheating u win.&#34;</p>Upset with his fiance´&#39;s meatball sandwich (the placement of the cheese, in particular, was all wrong), Lyndel Toppin allegedly attacked her with a kitchen knife. A law enforcement official tells Philly.com, &#34;Wait until he gets a load of the prison food.&#34;A 27-year-old woman from Dallas told her husband that she and her three kids had been kidnapped. Now, she&#39;s accused of making up that story to cover up an affair.Lots of late-night infomercials make unbelievable promises, but they rarely come with a legitimate doctor&#39;s approval. <i>The British Journal of Urology International</i> is reporting the success of a small contraption that &#34;produces an effective and durable lengthening of the penis, both in the flaccid and stretched state.&#34;Woman sets Guinness record for marrying. Over the years, she&#39;s been known as Mrs. Moyer, Mrs. Massie, Mrs. McMillan, Mrs. Berisford, Mrs. Chandler and Mrs. Essex. But she was born Linda Lou Taylor.Kenia Martinez, 30 and in her ninth month of pregnancy, entered Ben Taub General Hospital in Texas in critical condition after being shot by her husband. There, doctors performed a Caesarean section. She and her baby girl are in stable condition. Her husband, however, was found dead, apparently from a self-inflicted gunshot to the head.A 35-year-old British woman says she learned that her husband was divorcing her when she logged on to Facebook. &#34;What upset me the most was not the fact that Neil had written he had ended his marriage, but the comment from a girl in Canada who said: &#39;You are better off out of it.&#39;&#34; she told British tabloid <i>The Mirror</i>.A group known &#34;Sri Ram Sena,&#34; claim they&#39;re custodians of Indian culture and vow to attack couples who celebrate Valentine&#39;s Day. The threat comes after activists stormed into a bar, beating women who they accused of acting obscenely and &#34;going astray.&#34; Some fear the group is becoming a &#34;Hindu Taliban.&#34;Armed with a knife, a jilted man from Calif. attacked his ex-girlfriend, stabbing her several times. The man allegedly wanted back the breast implants that he paid for in better times. “I’m gonna cut ’em out and get em back”, the man&#39;s roommate quoted him saying in testimony. The woman&#39;s implants, punctured during the attack, have been repaired.Who says China has a poor track record for civil liberties? At least their gay penguins can get married.When husbands and wives fight, anything can happen. Paul Wood, 25, faces animal cruelty and criminal mischief charges after throwing the family cat at his wife.. . . And the wife must be asking this guy to give back the years she wasted on him.pparently, just saying &#34;No&#34; wasn&#39;t enough. Charris Bowers of Deltona, Fla., is charged with biting her husband&#39;s penis while performing oral sex.A jealous wife on trial for murdering her husband by setting his genitals on fire allegedly told neighbors &#34;his penis should belong to me.&#34; The woman is charged with dousing her spouse with liquor and setting a match.Not tonight, I have to blog. The<i> Wall Street Journal</i> is reporting a survey that finds 46% of women would rather go without sex for two weeks than give up the Internet for that long. Some 30% of all men would swap sex for the Internet for two weeks.A 51-year-old man from Ohio man was arrested after he dropped off his girlfriend at her home and then backed the car over her, breaking her leg. He was charged with aggravated vehicular assault.The 7-foot-9-inch Bao Xishun and his 5-foot-5-inch wife are now parents to a perfectly healthy baby boy.A 24-year-old school teacher was found dead and slathered in peanut butter, allegedly by her husband, who was hoping to encourage animals to eat the corpse.They old &#34;just adjusting myself&#34; excuse didn&#39;t fly, after a man was observed masturbating for &#34;maybe four minutes&#34; under his seat tray.&#34;I feel good,&#34; Beatie tells Barbara Walters, announcing on ABC&#39;s <i>20/20</i> that he&#39;s pregnant again. &#34;I had my checkups with my hormone level \u0085 And everything is right on track.&#34; The 34-year&#61;old man, who was born a woman but kept his reproductive organs after a sex-change operation 10 years ago, gave birth to his first chid, a girl, in June. He decided to carry the child because his wife was unable to conceive.Two Brits -- Steve Sweet, 47, and Kristen Birkin, 33 -- left their spouses and are now married, after meeting on the Internet in the virtual world, &#34;Second Life.&#34; They met at a virtual Duran Duran concert. Sweet says he did not feel unfaithful until he met his partner in person.Starting on Jan. 1, 2009, transsexual Swedish men (men born female who have undergone sex change procedures) will be eligible to receive a prosthetic penis at no cost. The move corrects what some consider gender bias. Transsexual women in Sweden have long been eligible for publicly funded wigs, breast implants, and hair removal.Shock filled a Canadian courtroom in the trial of junior league hockey coach David Frost, who is accused of coercing teenagers into three-way sex, after a 16-year-old woman gave testimony of a sexual encounter with Frost, who alleged had a &#34;third testicle&#34; . . . or something that resembled it.Did you cheat on your spouse? You didn&#39;t just break his or her heart. You also broke the law. And in South Korea, that might mean jail.A 39-year-old Japanese man set fire to the Tokyo hotel where he was due to get married. &#34;I thought if I set a fire I wouldn&#39;t have to go through with the wedding,&#34; the man tells a local paper.Wisconsin police say a 36-year-old man took revenge on his female roommate by allegedly urinating on her dog after she refused to have sex with her.Two weeks before their wedding, a 23-year-old would-be bride allegedly bit her groom and deliberately ran over his foot. It&#39;s tradition not to see the bride before the wedding, but when an order of protection is involved, maybe not.Two Neiman Marcus security guards caught on tape and fired for having sex at work are suing, claiming they were illegally videotaped.The 7-foot-9-inch Bao Xishun and his 5-foot-5-inch wife don&#39;t see eye-to-eye on a lot of issues. But after a year of marriage, they say they&#39;re very happy, and they&#39;re expecting a child.Stephen Crane of Joliet, Ill., says he and his wife went to Christopher Floss, a priest, in 3006 for marital counseling. In 2007, Floss left the priesthood and Ms. Crane moved in with him. Crane is now suing Floss and the Roman Catholic Diocese for professional negligence and infliction of emotional distress.Talk about going out with a bang.A Nigerian court detained an 84-year-old preacher who had 86 wives and 170 children for &#34;insulting&#34; Islamic sharia law, which allows a man to have no more than four wives at a time.&#34;The reason I&#39;m still single is that I&#39;m very particular,&#34; says law student Miss George, 44, one of ten Australians advertising on large billboards to find their true love. &#34;I want someone wonderful, or no one at all.&#34;Got a still-innocent friend whose love life needs a jump start? This $15 gag gift -- billed as &#34;the safe, effective way to lose your virginity&#34; -- is packed with laughs. You get 10 &#34;Sexual Position Study Cards,&#34; ranked in difficulty from beginner to advanced to Cirque du Soleil; 10 &#34;Heroes of Intercourse&#34; trading cards (including a rare one of Dr. Ruth); a suitable-for-framing &#34;Certificate of Copulation&#34;; and a 96-page &#34;Lose Your Virginity&#34; text book, by the semi-credible Dr. Eric Ryland Horner.Wives No. 1, 2 and 3 ran off with other men. Now, a 49-year-old man, after a ridiculous series of short marriages, celebrated his seventh anniversary.Why do leggy Australian women in three-inch stilettos race each other? Why do climbers scale Mt. Everest? Because it&#39;s there. Oh, and there is also the $5,000 first prize.Camping outside the convent where his ex-girlfriend had taken religious vows, 21-year-old Daniel Briatore had traveled 300 miles, hung up a banner proclaiming his love, and vowed to do &#34;whatever it takes&#34; to win her back.In Mount Isa, an Australian mining town, men outnumber women five-to -one, and Mayor John Molony wants &#39;beauty disadvantaged&#39; ladies to know that &#34;happiness waits&#34; if they move to his &#34;bloke-heavy&#34; hamlet. And, yes, women of the Outback called his proposition &#34;Offensive.&#34;In an apparent act of revenge, a woman sets fire to a man&#39;s genitals after he allegedly exposes himself at a bar.&#34;She hit me first,&#34; is a reasonable defense if you&#39;re an 8-year-old boy fighting with your sister. But it might not fly if your a 28-year-old child star fighting with his girlfriend.<p>In the competition for what candidate single women want to see <a href="https://www.thoughtco.com/the-deadly-snow-snake-is-it-real-or-fake-3299778" data-component="link" data-source="inlineLink" data-type="internalLink" data-ordinal="1">naked</a>, it was, no surprise, Barack Obama. But who did they least want to see in their birthday suit? (Hint: It wasn&#39;t Dennis Kucinich.)</p>Sometimes, a lie is far worse than the truth. Police say a woman caught using her boyfriend&#39;s ski pass claimed she was in the middle of a sex-change operation.A Florida woman is accused of beating a man with a piece of raw meat, according to the Associated Press. Police say that 53-year-old Elise Egan admitted to slapping the disabled man &#34;so that he could learn,&#34; but did not admit to attacking him with meat. The lesson apparently had something to do with wanted a roll instead of sliced bread.