Humanities › Literature Mark Twain Satire Quotes that demonstrate the famous Mark Twain satire Share Flipboard Email Print Transcendental Graphics / Contributor/ Archive Photos/ Getty Images Literature Quotations Funny Quotes Love Quotes Great Lines from Movies and Television Quotations For Holidays Best Sellers Classic Literature Plays & Drama Poetry Shakespeare Short Stories Children's Books By Simran Khurana Education Expert M.B.A, Human Resource Development and Management, Narsee Monjee Institution of Management Studies B.S., University of Mumbai, Commerce, Accounting, and Finance Simran Khurana is the Editor-in-Chief for ReachIvy, and a teacher and freelance writer and editor, who uses quotations in her pedagogy. our editorial process Simran Khurana Updated July 03, 2019 We have known Mark Twain for his celebrated works such as Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Adventures of Tom Sawyer. But readers of his stories have not necessarily been exposed to his signature satire. Mark Twain's satire earned him accolades. What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.There is an old-time toast which is golden for its beauty: "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.Wagner's music is better than it sounds.Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom when he can no longer be led by the nose.Be good and you will be lonesome.The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.Can we afford Civilization?One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one -- keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.In the real world, the right thing never happens in the right place and the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it appear that it has.I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot.Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.We are all beggars, each in his own way.Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.