McDonald's Job Application

Netlore Archive

Job Application Accepted
Robert Kirk/Stock Photo/Getty Images

Description: Satire
Circulating since: 1997
Status: Not real

Summary: Via forwarded email, an "actual" job application which, according to the internet, was submitted to McDonald's by Greg Bulmash in 1997.

Example:
Email contributed by Richard W., June 1, 1999:

Subject: McDonald's Fast Food Job Application

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM! (original editor's note: I would have hired him too!!)

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA HA, but seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.


Analysis: Most of us wish we had the gumption to emulate the example above and, just once, tell the unvarnished truth on a stupid job application. Ironically, "most of us" includes the man who came up with the idea, Greg Bulmash, who wrote this piece as a joke in April 1997 and says he never submitted it, or intended to submit it, to an actual employer. To the contrary, he posted it on his humor website, from which it was copied and shared under a new preamble which claimed, "This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment — AND THEY HIRED HIM!"

Gone was Mr. Bulmash's more prosaic but honest introduction: "As I was working on re-spinning my resume this past week, I realized that we're never quite truthful on resumes and job applications. We try to make ourselves look as good as possible, usually better than we really are. So today, I thought I'd fill out a job application the way I want to rather than the way I should."

Circa 2000, a new version appeared in the wild which listed the purported job applicant's age as 17. A 2003 variant claimed the application was submitted to the manager of a Walmart store by a "75-year-old senior." It has circulated in one form or another ever since, and was commemorated with a press release on the 10th anniversary of its original publishing date.

"And how has being a living legend, albeit an urban legend, affected Greg Bulmash's career?" begins the closing paragraph of the 2007 press release. "'No fame or fortune from it... yet,' he chuckles. 'I have had a few fast food restaurant managers tell me they would have hired me if I submitted it at their stores. If things get tight, I'll have to keep that in mind.'"

Bulmash's spoof is reminiscent of another internet classic, Hugh Gallagher's ridiculously overblown college application essay, originally written in 1990 and still making the rounds today.

Sources and further reading:

Take This Job and...
The original satire, as published by Greg Bulmash

Internet's Most Famous Job Application Turns 10
Press release, 26 March 2007