The 25 Most Devastating Quotes Mocking Sarah Palin

Memorable Jokes, SNL Lines, and Conservative Attacks on Palin

Sarah Palin Scream

1. "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast." --an angry McCain aide describing Palin's $150,000 shopping spree (Source)

2. "She is a diva. She takes no advice from anyone. She does not have any relationships of trust with any of us, her family or anyone else. Also, she is playing for her own future and sees herself as the next leader of the party. Remember: Divas trust only unto themselves, as they see themselves as the beginning and end of all wisdom." ―an anonymous McCain adviser complaining to CNN about Palin going off-script (Source)

3. "A whack job." ―a top McCain adviser describing Palin, one-upping the McCain adviser who called her a "diva" (Source)

4. "I can see Russia from my house!" ―Tina Fey, impersonating Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live (Watch video)

5. "When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa." ―Jon Stewart, on claims that Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience (Watch video)

6. "The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: lipstick, Prada shoes, a Gucci handbag, and a few $3,000 suits" ―from David Letterman's "Top Ten Sarah Palin Excuses for Spending $150,000 on Clothes" (Read the list)

7. "She's not prepared to be governor.

How can she be prepared to be vice president or president? Look at what she's done to this state. What would she do to the nation?" ―Alaska State Senate President Lyda Green, who is a Republican (Source)

8. "She said that small towns, that's the part of the country she really likes going to because that's the pro-America part of the country. You know, I just want to say to her, just very quickly: F**k you." ―Jon Stewart, speaking about Palin to a college audience in Boston (Watch video)

9. "According to expense reports, Sarah Palin charged the state of Alaska over $21,000 for her children to travel with her on official business. In fairness to Gov. Palin, when she leaves them home alone, they get pregnant." ―Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" (Read more Palin jokes)

10. "I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." ―Tina Fey, impersonating Sarah Palin in the VP debate (Watch video)

11. "Sarah Palin was asked a question by a third grader and she got it wrong.

She apparently still does not know what the vice president does ... She says he or she runs the Senate. No, not in this country. You know I would never accuse George Bush of being a bright man, but when he was elected, at least he knew which building to show up to." ―Bill Maher (Read more Palin jokes)

12. [Sarah Palin] represents a fatal cancer to the Republican party." ―conservative columnist David Brooks (Source)

13. "[McCain] knows, in his gut, that he put somebody unqualified on the ballot.

He knows that in his gut, and when this race is over that is something he will have to live with... He put somebody unqualified on that ballot and he put the country at risk, he knows that." ―Matthew Dowd, former chief strategist for President Bush's 2004 reelection campaign (Source)

14. Alec Baldwin, "mistaking" Sarah Palin for Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live during a conversation with SNL executive producer Lorne Michaels: "Lorne, I need to talk to you. You can't let Tina go out there with that woman. She goes against everything we stand for. I mean, good Lord, Lorne, they call her... what's that name they call her? Cari... Cari... What do they call her again, Tina?"
Sarah Palin: "That'd be Caribou Barbie."
Baldwin: "Caribou Barbie. Thank you, Tina. I mean, this is the most important election in our nation's history. And you want her -- our Tina -- to go out there and stand there with that horrible woman. What do you have to say for yourself?" (Watch video)

15. "It's like a really bad Disney movie. The hockey mom, you know, 'oh, I'm just a hockey mom'... and she's facing down President Putin... It's totally absurd... it's a really terrifying possibility... I need to know if she really thinks that dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago.

I want to know that, I really do. Because she's gonna have the nuclear codes." - ―actor Matt Damon (Source)

Next > More Quotes from Fey, Letterman and Palin's Mother-in-Law

16. "If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself. If Palin were a man, we'd all be guffawing, just as we do every time Joe Biden tickles the back of his throat with his toes. But because she's a woman — and the first ever on a Republican presidential ticket — we are reluctant to say what is painfully true." ―conservative columnist Kathleen Parker, writing in National Review (Source)

17. "This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus.

… On Nov. 4, anyone who cares for the Constitution has a clear duty to repudiate this wickedness and stupidity." ―conservative writer Christopher Hitchens (Source)

18. "No, I don't. But you know what? That's not what she's running for." ―McCain adviser Carly Fiorina, asked if Palin has the experience to run a major company (Source)

19. "In your guts, in your stomach ― you're a smart, tough, savvy guy. If I were to run upstairs, wake you up in the middle of the night and say, 'John, is Sarah Palin really the woman to lead us through the next four, eight years? Through the next 9/11 attack?'" ―David Letterman, grilling John McCain about whether Palin is really qualified for the job (Source)

20. "I don't believe she's ready to be president of the United States, which is the job of the vice president. And so that raised some question in my mind as to the judgment that Sen. McCain made." ―Colin Powell, endorsing Barack Obama for president (Source)

21. "It turns out that Joe is not a licensed plumber, he had to admit that he's 'not even close' to buying the plumbing business, the business does not bring in $250,000 to $280,000 like he said, and his name isn't even Joe ― it's Sam.

Turns out the only true thing about 'Joe the Plumber' is 'the.'" He's the Sarah Palin of plumbing, is what he is." ―Jimmy Kimmel (Read more Palin jokes)

22. "In Alaska, a political activist is trying to get Sarah Palin to release over 1,000 e-mails that she's withholding from public records. She won't release them.

Yeah. Apparently, several of the e-mails went unanswered and have the subject line 'Mom, I need to talk to you about birth control.'" ―Conan O'Brien (Read more Palin jokes)

23. "Are we not doing the talent portion?" ―Tina Fey, breaking out a flute in Saturday Night Live's spoof of the vice presidential debate (Source)

24. "There is a fine line between clever and stupid." ―an anonymous Republican, quoting a line from "This Is Spinal Tap" is describing McCain's choice of Palin as his running mate (Source)

25. "I'm not sure what she brings to the ticket other than she's a woman and a conservative." ―Sarah Palin's mother-in-law, Faye Palin, indicating she may vote for Obama (Source)

And a bonus quote, which can be filed under just plain laughable:

"I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, 'Hey, I think she just winked at me.' And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it." ―National Review editor Rich Lowry, reacting to Palin's performance in the vice presidential debate (Source)

For added amusement, watch Keith Olbermann's dramatic reading of Lowry's love note to Palin and wait for the kicker at the end)

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

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See Also:
Top 10 Dumbest Palin Quotes
Top 10 Dumbest McCain Quotes

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