North Korea Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About North Korea, Kim Jong-Un and Kim Jong-Il

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"North Korea has declared its own time zone that they are calling 'Pyongyang Time,' and set their clocks back half an hour. So if it's say, 11:40 here now in New York, in North Korea it's still 1925." –Jimmy Fallon

"North Korea has the same ability to launch a nuclear strike against America as I do.

It's like walking through a parking lot and getting barked at by a chihuahua locked in a car." –Bill Maher

"Tensions continue to mount in this North Korea situation. The U.S. has moved a Navy warship off the coast of the Korean Peninsula. Is that going to scare the North Koreans? If you really want to scare them, don't send a warship. Send a Carnival cruise ship." –Jay Leno

"North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to 'Gangnam Style.'" –Conan O'Brien

"It's starting to get serious – China has warned North Korea about starting a war. China told them flat out, 'Do not fire any missiles at the United States at least until after we get our money. They owe us $16 trillion. Wait until then.'" –Jay Leno

"North Korea said it will test a rocket that they hope will hit the United States. In other words, watch your back, middle of the Pacific Ocean." –Conan O'Brien

"North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war.

You can see they're stepping it up. In fact, they released 10 more photos of Kim Jong Un looking through binoculars." –Jay Leno

"Japan and South Korea are on high alert after North Korea successfully launched a long-range rocket. Both countries are surprised by North Korea's successful launch, but definitely not as surprised as North Korea." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday, North Korea launched a big long-range missile.

It was supposed to scare everybody. It exploded less than a minute after launching. In fact, leader Kim Jong Un was so mad, he went home, kicked his dog, and then ate it." –Jay Leno

"North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been awarded the highest rank in the country’s military. The decision was praised by everyone from Parliamentary leader Kim Jong Un to opposition leader Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien

"North Korea may not have enough money to preserve the body of Kim Jong Il. Unfortunately, this leaves North Koreans with only one alternative: Kim Jong jerky. … You heard of Slim Jims? How about Slim Kims?" -Conan O'Brien

"Kim Jong Il, the crazy leader of North Korea who hate us, passed away over the weekend. And get this — his 28-year-old son, Kim Jong Un is taking over. It won't be easy. He’s got some big women’s sunglasses to fill." –Jimmy Fallon

"The president had a press conference about this this week and he said that the U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. And then he added, 'Like having no plan ever stopped me before.'. He has something even more deadly in store for them -- we're going to bring them democracy." --Bill Maher

"Apparently North Korea set off a nuclear bomb. Now they say the seismic tests were inconclusive.

So basically we have no idea whether they did it or not -- or as the Bush administration calls it, 'a slam dunk.'" --Bill Maher

"According to Kim Jong-Il's biography, they say he has been constantly accused of dishonesty, drunkenness and sexual excess. So if he lived here, he could be in Congress." --Jay Leno

"President Bush says we need more time to determine if what (North Korea) detonated was a nuclear device. Well sure, that makes sense, because Bush doesn't want to rush to judgment when it comes to weapons of mass destruction." --David Letterman

"Kim Jong-Il said after the test was conducted, he got an e-mail from Congressman Foley telling him he would love him long time." --Jay Leno

"Democrats attacked President Bush for his North Korean policy. And Bush said, 'Gotcha. I don't have a North Korean policy.'" --Jay Leno

"North Korea conducted a nuclear test and the blast was so small that many scientists are saying it was a dud.

Apparently, the nuclear bomb didn't work well because it was made in Korea." --Conan O'Brien

"The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was so powerful it knocked the Mark Foley story right off the front page. And knocked him off the page he was on, too." --Jay Leno

"The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of his missiles seem to launch." --Jay Leno

"Former Secretary of State Madeline Albright said North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il is, quote, 'a pervert.' When Kim Jong Il heard that, he said tell her to say it again slowly while licking her lips." --Conan O'Brien

"North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by his son, Menta Li Ill." --David Letterman

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