Rand Paul Jokes

Best Late-Night Jokes Skewering Sen. Rand Paul

Rand Paul Jokes

See Also: Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Rand Paul announced he is running for president and bloggers pointed out that his campaign symbol, a small flame, looks nearly identical to the logo for the dating app Tinder. It's appropriate because in either case you have no idea what you're getting into and it probably won't work out." –Seth Meyers

"Kentucky Senator Rand Paul was in Denver today hosting a briefing event during the cannabis business summit.

It's a very good plan. Once they give you money, there's a good chance they'll forget and give you money again." –Jimmy Kimmel

"I don't know if Rand Paul has to go to Colorado. If he wants money from stoners, he should just become a pizza delivery guy." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Rand Paul is officially running for president. He even revealed his campaign slogan, which is 'Defeat the Washington machine. Unleash the American dream.' It's hard to tell if he's running for president or doing an infomercial for Bowflex." –Jimmy Fallon

"Rand Paul is taking a week-long break from talking to the media to spend time with his family before he officially announces that he is running for president. Because nothing motivates you to be on the road for two straight years like a week alone with your family." –Jimmy Fallon

"During the CPAC conference, Rand Paul told the crowd it was time for a new president and that people need to help make the change.

Of course, most people agreed with him, since that's how term limits work." –Jimmy Fallon

"Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told people what they could do with their own bodies?" –Bill Maher

"Senator Rand Paul reflected on Mitt Romney's potential 2016 campaign and said, 'It's sort of what Einstein said, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.' When someone told him Einstein didn't actually say that, he said, 'In the words of Gandhi, 'My bad.''" –Jimmy Fallon

"Have you heard about this guy? Dr. Rand Paul. He's the new folk hero of America, the son of Ron Paul. How to describe Rand Paul? I mean, he's a doctor. It's as if Sarah Palin somehow made it through medical school." –Bill Maher

"He's an ophthalmologist, he does a lot of lasik surgery, and he has a lot of interesting points of view. Like he thinks Obama, because he went to Copenhagen where they were talking about global warming, is apologizing for the industrial revolution. He's against the Americans With Disabilities Act. He says restaurants should be able to refuse service to black people. And today, he said Obama was un-American for getting on BP's case for the oil spill. I tell you, the s**t doesn't fall far from the bat." –Bill Maher

"Every time this guy opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting him in context." –Bill Maher