The Definitive Ranking of Sexy Valentine's Day Desserts

From "Not Impressed" to "Drunk in Love"

Want to leave a big impression this Valentine's Day? Then level up on your desserts game. We've ranked Valentine's Day sweets from duds to studs. So don't just settle for "good enough" this Valentine's Day, go for "Drunk in Love." 

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Standard Heart-Shaped Box of Chocolates

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Oh, how original. Did you pick this up at the corner store with some shampoo and toothpaste, too? These are fine if you're not very serious with your Valentine, but if you want to make a statement, avoid this option. 

Sexy Rank: Not Impressed

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Conversation Hearts

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Sure, these chalky hearts are staples of the holiday, but everyone has been getting them since those awkward grade school Valentine's Day exchanges. Also, if you're getting your pick up lines from pastel hearts, there's a bigger issue here.

Sexy Rank: Blah

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Chocolate Covered Raisins

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Are you watching an action movie with your Valentine tonight? Do you have a giant tub of butter popcorn too? Of all things you can cover in chocolate, why choose shriveled up dried grapes? Plus, they look like turds. 

The ONLY way to get a pass on chocolate covered raisins is if they hold some sentimental significance in your relationship with your Valentine. Otherwise…

Sexy Ranks: NOPE

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Chocolate of the Month Club

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Granted, chocolate of the month club memberships require more money than effort. But if your guy or gal is a chocolate addict, then this is a good option for Valentine's Day. If you picked a really high-end membership, then maybe you can revisit that February 14th romance each time a new order is delivered. Consider this a worthy long-term investment.

Sexy Rank: Golf Clap


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Chocolate Covered Strawberries

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If you can find fresh strawberries and dip them in melted chocolate without making too much of a mess, you did Valentine's Day justice. This dessert requires just enough (but not too much) effort to impress your Valentine.

Sexy Rank: High Five

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Spicy Chocolate Hearts

Nancy Lopez-McHugh

If your Valentine likes it hot, then this is the dessert to make. It's an incredibly easy recipe that doesn’t require much more than melted chocolate and red pepper flakes. You also get to show off some artistry by shaping the melted chocolate into hearts… talent is one of the most attractive traits, after all.

Sexy Rank: Heating Up

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Chocolate Waffles/ Chocolate Chip Pancakes

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If your Valentine's favorite meal of the day is breakfast and you whip up a batch of chocolate waffles or pancakes… you passed Valentine's Day with flying colors. Making a breakfast treat is like saying, "I like spending my nights AND mornings with you, Valentine" (nudge-nudge, wink-wink).

Sexy Rank: Cute & Cozy Sexy

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Chocolate Mousse

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Chocolate mousse is a classic French dessert perfect for the sophisticated Valentine. Remember, this smooth and decadent recipe needs to be handled delicately, like an Old Hollywood sort of romance.   

Sexy Rank: Fancy Sexy

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Chocolate Truffles

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No need for a fancy chocolatier, because truffles are deceptively easy to make. The standard dark chocolate truffle only has 4 ingredients, but if you are feeling more adventurous then you can bring some variety to the bedroom... err… kitchen!

Try raspberry chocolate truffles, chewy caramel truffles, spicy Aztec truffles, sweet and savory balsamic truffles, or even champagne truffles! Put these in a homemade heart-shape box and your Valentine will be thinking Russell Stover who?

Sexy Rank: 50 Shades of Truffles

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Chocolate Fondue

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This treat is really hard to screw up since a pot of melted chocolate is sexy on its own. The added bonus is you get to choose your Valentine's favorite ingredients to dip (like strawberries, marshmallows, pretzels, etc). It's a personalized dessert AND a date activity. Well done!

Sexy Rank: Oooooh Yes.

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Chocolate Covered Bacon

Elizabeth LaBau

Salty, smoky bacon covered in a decadent layer of smooth dark chocolate? If your Valentine loves the smell of bacon in the morning, then they will drool over this finger-licking treat. 

Sexy Rank: Sizzling

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Chocolate Lava Cake

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Want to look like a master pastry chef on Valentine's Day? Make this chocolate lava cake. Sure, it's a little intimidating to go without the boxed cake recipes, but confidence is sexy… so just go for it!

When your Valentine digs in to what looks like a typical mini-cake, and finds an ooey gooey melty center, do you know how many points you'll score?

Sexy Rank: Volcanic

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The Ménage a XXX Caramel Martini

Photo Courtesy: © XXX Shine

This luscious libation contains sweet and creamy liquors in a cocktail glass lined with chocolate syrup, but it is NOT your average chocolate martini. It’s the XXX Shine Salted Carmel Whiskey (okay, it's flavored moonshine) that really revs up your Valentine's engine.

Sexy Rank: Beyoncé "Drunk In Love" Status