Republican Convention Jokes

Best Jokes about the 2016 Republican National Convention and Donald Trump

See Also:
Funniest Melania Trump Memes

Funniest Donald Trump Memes
Latest Late-Night Jokes

Donald Trump's campaign manager Paul Manafort said today that Melania's speech was similar to Michelle Obama's because they must feel the same way about their families. Then Melania said, 'Yes, especially my daughters, Sasha and Malia.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Melania Trump is being accused of plagiarism because paragraphs of her speech last night closely mirror Michelle Obama's speech at the 2008 Democratic convention.

Said Melania, 'That's ridiculous. I worked on that speech for four score and seven years.'" –Seth Meyers

"Donald Trump's former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, said today that whoever wrote Melania Trump's speech should be fired. 'Fine, I'll pack up my desk,' said Michelle." –Seth Meyers

"Donald Trump's campaign manager Paul Manafort said today that Melania's speech was similar to Michelle Obama's because they must feel the same way about their families. Then Melania said, 'Yes, especially my daughters, Sasha and Malia.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump fired his campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski. Trump said Lewandowski was controversial, impulsive and short-tempered — and will make a great running mate." –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump has dumped his campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski. Lewandowski said he's going to return to his old job, as a manager in pro wrestling." –Conan O'Brien"A new poll came out and it claims that 25 percent of voters remain undecided.

Apparently, they're undecided on whether to move to Canada or Mexico." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump thanked crowds in Phoenix for their support this weekend, saying, 'I feel like a supermodel, except like times ten.' By the way, 'supermodel times ten' is also his spray tan setting." –Seth Meyers

"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a son this weekend.

Unfortunately, due to his young age, he's a Sanders supporter." –Seth Meyers

"Even though he has no chance of winning the nomination, taxpayers are still paying for Bernie Sanders to have Secret Service. It's not that expensive though, it's just one guy that goes out late at night to buy Fig Newtons." –Conan O'Brien

"The Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Golden State Warriors last night and became the first NBA team to ever come back from a 3-to-1 deficit to win the championship. Said Bernie Sanders, 'So you're saying there's a chance!'" –Seth Meyers

June 16, 2016

"Former Republican candidate Herman Cain said that one of the biggest lies about Donald Trump is that he is a racist. Then Trump was like, 'Thank you, Jay Z. Give my best to your wife, Oprah.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"One of Trump's big supporters, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, is having a rough week. Lawyers working on the Bridgegate investigation claim that Christie destroyed evidence connecting him to the scandal, including a cellphone. Christie said he had no idea where the cellphone was, then his stomach started ringing." –Jimmy Fallon

"The FDA says it found 'serious health violations' at some Whole Foods stores and actually sent Whole Foods a warning letter.

In response, Whole Foods shredded the letter, mixed it with some kale, and is now selling it for $18 a pound." –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump says, if elected, he is willing to 'accept' a visit by Kim Jong Un. Kim Jong Un said, 'No, thanks, that guy's crazy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"One year ago today, Donald Trump announced he was running for president as he rode down an escalator. And our country's been going down that escalator ever since." –Conan O'Brien

"Oprah has endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. When asked about Hillary's chances of becoming the most powerful woman in the world, Oprah said, 'Oh, I'm not stepping down.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The DNC accused Russian hackers [of stealing its opposition research on Trump], and Trump is accusing the DNC of leaking it. Accusing the other party of leaking it is like accusing McDonald's of leaking McNuggets." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump said much of the information is false. And if people want to read hundreds of pages of false information about him, they should go to his Twitter page where he writes it himself." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Trump said he would, unlike previous presidents, sit down and meet with Kim Jong Un to make a kind of deal but only on U.S. soil. I don't think that will work. I think they should meet but somewhere neutral, like at a Supercuts." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Today is the one-year anniversary of Donald Trump's announcement that he would run for president. It's hard to believe it was only one year ago that Democrats were worried about Jeb Bush." –Seth Meyers

"In a new poll, 35% of Americans say they think Donald Trump will be elected president in November. They also said, 'Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish packing.'" –Seth Meyers

June 15, 2016

"According to the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names in 2016 are Noah and Emma. Least popular baby names? Donald and Hillary." –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a political science professor, all of Donald Trump's speeches are given at a fifth-grade level or below. And today Trump said the professor who did the study was a doody head." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bernie Sanders is still not conceding. Bernie says he is the most anti-fossil fuel of any of the candidates. Well of course he is, that's 'cause he's the only candidate who is an actual fossil." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bernie Sanders is still upset because he says his fundraising dinners didn't raise as much money as Hillary Clinton's.

Well, of course they didn't. Nobody wants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon." –Jimmy Fallon

"During an interview last week, Bernie Sanders admitted to smoking marijuana as a young man. He said it impaired his perception and distorted his thinking but he expects that to clear up eventually." –Jimmy Fallon

"The latest polls show Hillary Clinton now leads Donald Trump by 12 points nationally. I guess she's getting some traction from her new slogan, 'Come with me, if you want to live.'" –Seth Meyers

"GOP Sen. Tim Scott yesterday walked out of a press scrum and hid on the Senate floor to avoid questions about Donald Trump. That's how much senators don't want to talk about Trump. They're actually showing up in the Senate." –Seth Meyers

"Former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain said in a speech today that he feels Donald Trump is not a racist. Said Trump, 'Thank you, Ben Carson.'" –Seth Meyers

"Last night, the last primary was held in Washington, D.C. The primaries being over reminds me what my brother used to say when I was a kid: 'I'm going to keep punching you in the face but it will feel so good when it's over.'" –Stephen Colbert

"It is now being reported that the Democratic National Committee was hacked by the Russians. Hey, maybe they know where Hillary's emails are." –Stephen Colbert

"While they were in the DNC cyber matrix, the Russians apparently stole opposition research on Donald Trump. Russia, what are you doing? If you want damaging information about Donald Trump, just wait for him to talk." –Stephen Colbert

June 14, 2017

"Donald Trump celebrated his 70th birthday today. And I guess instead of blowing out his candles, he just insulted them until they put themselves out. 'You’re too hot! You smell like wax! You’re the worst part of this cake!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In a speech, Donald Trump said thousands of people in the United States are 'sick with hate.' Then Trump said, "I’d like to thank them for their support.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump has called for a ban on all immigration to the United States. Of course, Trump said the ban would be lifted if he ever needs a new wife." –Conan O'Brien

"Today is Donald Trump’s 70th birthday. For the occasion, Donald Trump’s friends got together and said, 'Wait — why are we friends with Donald Trump?'" –Conan O'Brien

"Bernie Sanders is set to meet with Hillary Clinton this evening. Bernie said the meeting will give Hillary one last opportunity to bow out gracefully." –Conan O'Brien

"Today is Donald Trump's birthday! Trump may have turned 70, but his views about women are 150 years old." –James Corden

"I imagine it's tough to get Trump a gift. What do you get the man who hates everything?" –James Corden

See Also:
Donald Trump Jokes
• Ted Cruz Jokes

Marco Rubio Jokes
• Jeb Bush Jokes
• 2016 Election Joke