Republican Debate Jokes

Best Jokes About the 2016 GOP Primary Debates

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See Also:
2016 Presidential Debate Jokes
Funniest Presidential Debate Memes
Funny Memes Skewering the GOP Candidates
Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Last night was the fourth Republican debate. And if you thought it was exciting to watch on TV, imagine being Jeb Bush watching the whole thing from his podium!" –Jimmy Fallon

"In his closing comments, Rand Paul said that he is running to create a government so small that you can barely see it.

Paul said it would be modeled after his presidential campaign." –Jimmy Fallon

"Carly Fiorina said that after the previous debate, people told her that she needed to smile more. They were like, "Just pretend you're laying off a bunch of people." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush had a very rough night last night. He finally got time to say what he wanted, and how did he use it? He attacks not Donald Trump, not Hillary Clinton or Ben Carson. Of all people, he attacks Marco Rubio for missing votes in the Senate. Which is something that literally no one outside of Florida cares about. It was embarrassing. And it's just like a Bush to attack the wrong guy, it really is." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The worst of memorable moments: We learned Donald Trump carries a gun. He told the group he carries a concealed weapon, conceals it in his hair." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The front-runner Dr. Ben Carson, in his closing statement, said one thing he's noticed on the campaign trail that is people are waking up.

And we're hoping that eventually he will also wake up." –Jimmy Kimmel

"I haven't been able to watch tonight's Republican debate yet, but I'm excited to see the face-off between the party's biggest opponents: Carson and staying awake." –Stephen Colbert

"Earlier tonight the second Republican debate took place here in California.

With 10 men and only one woman, everyone thought they were watching 'The Bachelorette.'" –Conan O'Brien

"One of the big moments during the debate was Jeb Bush admitted to smoking marijuana in high school, while marijuana denied having anything to do with Jeb Bush." –Jimmy Fallon

 "According to a new poll, Jeb Bush saw a 6 percent drop in support after the first debate, but experts say he still has a shot because he's 'likable' and 'qualified.' Then Donald Trump said, 'Weird, the opposite is working for me.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new report, the word that Donald Trump said most often in last week's debate was 'I'm.' The word he says the least: 'Sorry.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"After being accused of making sexist comments about Republican debate moderator Megyn Kelly, Donald Trump went on CNN yesterday and said, 'I cherish women. I want to help women.' Then Hillary said, 'Well, you're really helping THIS woman.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump's top strategist has stepped down after Trump seemed to imply last week that Megyn Kelly was menstruating during the debate. Even more shocking, Donald Trump has had a campaign strategist this entire time." –Seth Meyers

One of the candidates at the early GOP debate, George Pataki, said his routine before every debate is to drink a diet lemon Snapple iced tea and pray.

Which is also the advice Chris Christie gets from his doctor." –Jimmy Fallon

"Tonight is the first Republican debate over on Fox News. The moderator, Chris Wallace, said there's 'so doggone many' candidates, and that he planned on asking them some 'doozies.' He would've said more but he had to go back to the soda shop he works at in 1954." –Jimmy Fallon

"The big Republican debate is tonight. Everyone is curious what Donald Trump's going to do, right? Political analysts say Trump's game plan is to wing it and see what happens. It's the same game plan used by his barber." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump said prior to the debate that he wants to be very civil. He said that instead of referring to all Hispanics as criminals, he'll call them criminal Americans." –Conan O'Brien

"Tonight was the first Republican primary debate.

If you missed it, just imagine your uncle at Thanksgiving dinner, and then multiply by 10." –Seth Meyers

"Thursday night is the first Republican presidential candidates' debate. Just like 'Celebrity Apprentice,' you'll see Donald Trump on TV yelling at people you barely recognize." –Conan O'Brien

"Chris Christie, John Kasich, and Rick Perry are currently fighting for the final two spots in Thursday's Republican debate. It's going to be tough – Chris Christie really wants those two spots." –Jimmy Fallon