Scott Walker Jokes

Late-Night Jokes Skewering GOP Presidential Candidate Scott Walker

See Also: Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker dropped out of the presidential race last night. And in related news, a tree fell in a forest." –Seth Meyers

"The last polls before Scott Walker dropped out of the presidential race found the Wisconsin governor was polling at one half of 1 percent. Bobby Jindal said, 'What's your secret?'" –Seth Meyers

"Scott Walker, the presidential candidate who is famous for riding a Harley, is dropping out of the race.

Walker made the decision when he realized that all of his supporters could fit on his Harley." –Conan O'Brien

“The next President of the United States will be Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. I’m calling it for Scott Walker right now, because he’s proven that he’s smarter than he looks, sounds, and governs." –Stephen Colbert

"Gov. Scott Walker is the new conservative hero. He could get the nomination for the Republican Party in 2012 because he has that special quality that every member of the Republican base can relate to – he's a huge a**hole." –Bill Maher

Stephen Colbert, poking fun at Scott Walker for confusing the Hebrew word "Mazel tov" for "Molotov" in a speech: “Jewish Nation, Scott Walker is a good guy. He’s a real munch. Although he doesn’t wear a Yamaha or observe the sherbet, the important thing is that he was ready to display that menorah. I’m sure, given the chance, he would also have displayed the majorah.

And we’re not even talking about a major Jewish holiday here. It’s not like this is Yom Tupac Shakur or Sha Na Na, or even Sucrose. If it wasn’t the same time as Christmas, no one would even talk about Hanna Hakuna Matata. It’s just a fun family holiday where you eat potato tchotchkes and you spin the dildo.

Let’s just cut Scott Walker some slack. So, to my Jewish viewers, I raise a glass of Lenny Kravitz and say a hearty “L’Heimlich Maneuver!"

More 2016 Election Jokes

"In a new campaign ad, Jeb Bush referenced 'The Godfather' and said his nickname used to be 'Veto Corleone' because he vetoed so many bills in Florida. When you're the third person in your family to run for president, maybe you shouldn't bring up a movie trilogy where the third one was clearly the worst." –Jimmy Fallon

"Ohio Governor John Kasich became the 16th Republican to announce that he is running for president. During his speech he referred to Jesus Christ, which is ironic because so did Americans when they heard another Republican was running for president." –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new nationwide poll, Donald Trump now leads all other Republican presidential candidates. But come on, if we elect him you know he'll just leave us for a younger country." –Seth Meyers

"After severing ties with Donald Trump, NBC is reportedly in talks with comedian George Lopez to take over 'Celebrity Apprentice.' So Trump's greatest nightmare came true. A Hispanic guy took his job." –Seth Meyers

"A major Iowa newspaper published an op-ed against Trump calling him a "self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard." Or as Trump put it, 'You forgot very rich .

. . I'm a very rich, self-absorbed, wholly unqualified feckless blowhard. Very, very rich.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Republican hopeful Rick Perry this week compared Donald Trump to cancer. Which really isn't fair, because sometimes you can get rid of cancer." –Seth Meyers

"Jeb Bush is taking his presidential campaign on a tour of Europe. He's telling Europeans, 'I like you guys because you're comfortable having the same family in charge for centuries.'" –Conan O'Brien

"During a recent speech, Mike Huckabee said he is the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. 'You sure about that?' said President Barack Obama." –Jimmy Fallon

"At a campaign event in South Carolina, Trump gave out Senator Lindsey Graham's personal cellphone number.. He's bringing the same level of class to this presidential election that one does to a stall in a public restroom." –Jimmy Kimmel

"During a speech on Friday, Senator Ted Cruz said that if you walk up to someone and say 'Joe Biden,' the person will crack up laughing. Which is the same reaction you get if you say 'President Ted Cruz.” –Seth Meyers

"After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet." –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday in Iowa just four supporters showed up to eat lunch with Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum. It's always a bad sign when your entire voter base can fit in a deli booth." –Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will begin fundraising for a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the end of January. No word on what his platform will be, but if I know Christie it'll be really strong, maybe double reinforced steel." –Jimmy Fallon

"A new poll about the 2016 election shows that just 27 percent of voters would be likely to support Chris Christie. And only 4 percent of chairs." –Seth Meyers

"Republican Ted Cruz announced that he will run for president in 2016. So finally, Carnival is no longer the most dangerous cruise in America." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush gave a speech yesterday. He had a pretty rough time. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of 20,000, and then he mispronounced the name of the terrorist group Boko Haram. So if history has taught us anything, Jeb is well on his way to winning the White House." –Jimmy Fallon

"Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush Presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one." –David Letterman