Comedic Female Monologue from "Sleeping Beauty and the Beast"

by Wade Bradford
Award-winning playwright Wade Bradford is the author of Why Do I Have to Make My Bed?, as well as other books. His plays have been performed throughout the U.S and the U.K.
Updated May 14, 2014

CONTEXT: In this very silly spoof of fairy-tales, a bitter Wicked Witch curses the soon-to-be Sleeping Beauty.

WICKED WITCH:
So, looks like everyone is having a marvelous time. Hello, good to see you. Nice to meet you. Hi there, I’m the Wicked Witch, here’s my card. Let’s do lunch sometime. Ah, and here’s the birthday girl, surrounded by all of these gifts and her good little fairy friends. And here’s King Jonathan and Queen Jessica. You certainly invited a great number of people. But somehow you seemed to have overlooked the one person who could have been your most delightful guest. But no, no, don’t apologize. My feelings are hurt, yes, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t brought along a special gift for the princess. A brand new, never-seen-before, Curse of the Wicked Witch! “For all the tears you’ve made me shed, you’ll prick your finger on something pointy and fall down dead. And if your friends are feeling blue, in just one day they’ll drop dead too!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Runs off cackling… continues cackling looking for the exit.) How do you get out of this place? Oh – HAHAHAHAHA! (Exits.)

The complete script for "Sleeping Beauty and the Beast" is available at Heuer Plays.