Considering Soul Mates

Soul Mate Truths and Tips to Make the Most of Your Love Life

Soul Mates. Yasuhide Fumoto / Getty Images

The following tips are based on the booklet 55 Soul Mate Truths and Tips to Make the Most of Your Love Life

Consider the Meaning of a Soul Mate

Our perception of soul mates and love relationships are based on movies, television, books and fairy tales. These sources often present only part of the picture due to space considerations, attempts to make the story more harmonious or marketable, or for other reasons.

Because of this, they can be downright misleading. The metaphysical definition of a soul mate is someone you knew in a past life, and the following basic soul mate relationship traits have been consistently found through research:

  • Most (if not all) are karmic.
  • Most (if not all) are predestined (by your soul, not your personality, before you were born).
  • We all have many soul mates (but our personalities and emotional baggage will more often than not interfere with a compatible relationship).
  • Not all soul mate relationships are meant to be harmonious.
  • Not all soul mate relationships are meant to be long term.

Directives from conscience are always for the best. Sometimes we layer our mind with excuses for not acting on the directive of our conscience. These layers of mental defense fog our mind to what is best for us, blocking out the best outcome.

Consider the Meaning of a Twin Soul/Flame

Some people say that our twin flame or other half was created at the same time as us, and if we could just find each other, we'd live together forever in bliss and harmony.

While the idea is certainly appealing, unfortunately, past life and life-between-life research has found no evidence to support it. A more reasonable twin flame definition could be a soul mate with whom we're very compatible and with whom we share incredible chemistry. Alternatively, twin soul or flame relationships are not always meant for love; Edgar Cayce, the famous "sleeping prophet," defined twin souls as souls who come together to achieve a joint task.


Consider the Meanings of Free-Will and Destiny

You can "create" or influence your reality, but only within the confines of your destiny and karma. The bad news: Unfortunately, this means you can't avoid your (love) karma. What is, is. The good news: most major relationships and events seem to be destined. You then have a choice (free will) about how you perceive and respond to them. For example, if you're not destined to be involved right now, you have a choice of accepting it, concentrating on other areas of your life and preparing for a new relationship, or allowing it to cause you unhappiness. As another example, if you meet a wonderful person with whom you are destined to share a short-term, mutually compatible relationship rather than a life-long one, you have a choice of accepting this and enjoying it for what it's meant to be, or allowing the fated ending to cause you unhappiness. You can take the high road or the low road. Reacting out of love rather than fear will create a better life and karma for the future.

Perceive Relationship Endings Differently

Much importance is placed on relationship permanence in our society. It is often said that a relationship failed if it didn't last a lifetime.

The (surprisingly) common expectation of being compatible with the same person for 60 years, while being the best you can be is ideal but outdated and usually unrealistic. Relationships in the past were more for economic and practical reasons. Couples were expected to stay together forever, no matter what. Times have changed. Fewer people are trying to fit the old relationship mold and are following their hearts and instincts about the kind of relationship and partner that is best for them. Today, couples are more likely to consider whether it's best for all involved to stay together when they and their situations change, and more of them are parting on good terms. Depending upon how you perceive it, divorce or breaking up doesn't have to cause long term unhappiness.

Consider Your Love Cycles

Just as the moon has phases and the Earth seasons, each of our lives follows individual cycles.

Trying to force dating or a relationship when you're not truly ready or when solitude and reflection are more appropriate, will only cause conflict and stress. In other words, it doesn't snow in the summer; and you can plant a garden in winter, but it's not going to grow. Also, each relationship has definite time limits and will end or transform whether or not a couple stays together. It is possible to determine when you'll have a strong potential for meeting compatible people, break-ups or relationship transformations, and many other probabilities; life is full of preset circumstances (destiny) and events, and it is up to us (free will) how we deal with them.

Give Up

Desperation, even when it's masked well, will either repel people or cause you to project what you want onto someone who is not compatible. Let go of that desire. Stop searching but pay attention. Prepare yourself for the relationship you want and trust that you'll meet the right person at the right time. Say the following until you feel and mean it, and then say it some more: "I'm single for a reason, so I'll accept and be grateful for things as they are and make the most of my situation." Being grateful for your current situation will help you move on to the next phase of your life.

Act Adult-Like

You can't control anyone's actions, but you have a choice of how you respond. Avoid being abusive, argumentative, closed-minded, critical, defiant, in denial, dishonest, domineering, evasive, impatient, indecisive, insecure, intolerant, irritable, irresponsible, jealous, overly sensitive, pessimistic, repressed, resentful, secretive, self-deceptive, selfish, self-centered, shallow, stubborn, tactless, vain, quick tempered, and/ or withdrawn.

Let Go of the Prince/Princess Charming Syndrome

We are programmed to believe we need to find the one perfect person to meet all of our needs for the rest of our lives. This is impossible, but many still strive for it and then think they "failed" if their expectations aren't met.

Distorted idealism and sky-high expectations set you up for disappointment. Stop looking for the soul mate to fulfill your every need for the rest of your life and, instead, be open to soul mates with whom you are compatible and share chemistry.

Reconsider Religious Dogma / Avoid Marrying to Improve a Relationship

(Actual quote from a letter to Stephen and Scott's advice column) "I've been in relationship for 17 years and we are moving in slow motion. We plan on getting married within the next couple months because I feel part of the problem of our stagnation is we are not right with the Lord. I know we love each other but this relationship leaves me feeling so empty most of the time and I feel like I can't seem to leave it." Stephen's Response: I don't believe there is a judging God or that a couple is "living in sin" if they cohabit without marrying. Therefore, the main problem there may be your guilt about something you don`t need to feel guilty about. However, marrying someone to improve a relationship is like gambling to become rich. Most of the time, you will only lose what you had. Marriage can be a wonderful experience, but from what you wrote, it's not appropriate for your situation. Pause, step back and reflect until you become aware of what`s best for you and your partner.

Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You

Do yourself a favor and forgive and release everyone who has ever hurt you. You'll remain trapped until you do. Forgiveness isn't about letting the person who hurt you off the hook. It's about releasing the anger and resentment or guilt that you harbor within, so you can get on with your life. This is an on-going process; every time you think of the person or experience, feel the forgiveness until you mean it. Also, try to think of them as your teachers instead of enemies and ask yourself what you needed to learn from the experience.

Avoid Blame

We're all mirrors for each other, so you can't blame anyone but yourself.

Example 1: "The man I'm dating has a fear of commitment." Ask yourself why you chose (on some level) a person who doesn't want a commitment. He is, in some way, a reflection of you.

Example 2: "The people I date usually want me to change and never like me for me." You're not accepting/loving yourself for who you are and/or you're not being the best you can be in some way (usually appearance or personality).

Example 3: "Everyone I date/all my ex-spouses couldn't be monogamous." If you consciously or subconsciously prefer or need variety, but you repress it, you'll attract someone who'll express it for you.

Stephen Petullo has been studying metaphysical concepts (in this life) since the early 1980s. He is a Reiki master-teacher, past-life regression therapist, hypnotist, metaphysical counselor, and former matchmaker for love relationships. He has matched over 3000 people for love relationships, regressed over 2000 people into their past lives, and often "sees" his own and other's past lives spontaneously. Stephen combines his experience, knowledge and awareness to help others fulfill their potential. Stephen Petullo also is the author of several guided meditation and past life self-regression CDs and Your Love Life and Reincarnation: Why The Past Is Affecting Your Present and How To Fix It.