20 Funny (and Clean!) St. Patrick's Day Jokes To Tell In Between Pints

The best jokes about Leprechauns, the Irish, and of course, drinking.

Via amandabrazel.com.

St. Patrick's Day used to be a religious feast holiday... these days it has become more of an excuse to pinch people, wear green, and get stinking, staggering drunk! (Not that we need an excuse for that, but still! Having a dedicated drinking holiday isn't bad either.)

This year, why not tell a few funny jokes while you're bellied up to the bar?  Here are some of the best one-liners gathered from around the web.

The following jokes were found on Jokes4Us.

1. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

2. What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonalds?

A Shamrock Shake

3. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because they're always a little short. 

4. I went out drinking on St Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home.... That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

5. What's Irish and stays out all night?

Paddy O'furniture

6. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?

Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.

7. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick's Day?

BOOs

8. Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

9. How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of scotch in front of her.

10. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?

He's Dublin over with laughter!

11. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?

A sham rock

12. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?

Regular rocks are too heavy.

13. Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?

They like to "go" first class!

14. Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer?

Cause the grass tickles their balls.

15. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?

He couldn't afford plane fare.

16. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover?

I haven't either!

17. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leaf clovers and not 3-leaf clovers?

They need all the luck they can get!

18. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?

He gets wet!

19. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?

A leper con.

20. Knock Knock

Who's there?

Irish! Irish Who?

Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day! 

Irish Priest

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" 

You can find tons more funny jokes about St. Paddy's day here on Jokes4Us. You can also find some great toasts, like my personal favorite:

Here's to a long life and a merry one.

A quick death and an easy one.

A pretty girl and an honest one.

A cold beer and another one.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody, and remember, "If you're lucky enough to be Irish... you're lucky enough!"

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This article was edited on September 28, 2016 by Beverly Jenkins.