The Strangest Band Merchandise on the Internet

There is something delightfully off about many bands that got big in the ’90s. Whether they came from broken homes (Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins) or what seemed like fantasylands (Bjork, Tori Amos), the artists of the era always had surprises up their sleeves. Their merchandise was no exception. We uncovered some of the weirdest items in musicians’ stores for you to plunder. (Rammstein notwithstanding, as their definition of merchandise is a bit more adult than we’d like to explore here.)

Rob Zombie’s Cardboard Halloween Masks

Rob Zombie Cardboard Halloween Masks
Courtesy the artist

Ever dreamed of being a “Living Dead Girl” or the king of horror rock, Rob Zombie? Now you can with his specialized Halloween masks. You can frighten trick-or-treaters, revel at Zombie’s yearly scare-a-thon or start your own tribute band. It it simpler than trying to pull off that ghastly makeup and dreads by yourself. ($10, available at the official Rob Zombie website.)

The Flaming Lips’ Silver Trembling Fetus

The Flaming Lips Silver Trembling Fetus Ornament
Courtesy the band

We could have easily chosen from more than a dozen curios in the Flaming Lips’ catalog, like marijuana-flavored gummy skulls containing USB sticks full of music or the multi-stereo album, Zaireeka. But this little trinket freaks us out the most. It’s a macabre ornament that – we guess – could accompany their 2008 film, Christmas on Mars. ($40, available at the official Flaming Lips website.) 

311’s Grassroots Uplifter Vaporizer

311 Grassroots Uplifter Vaporizer
Uplifter Innovations

If you’ve got “nothing to do but chill,” 311’s Grassroots Uplifter vaporizer will likely appeal to you. The name is a mash-up of their 1994 Grassroots and 2009 Uplifter albums. Boasting a “clean and discreet” design, the smoking tool fits right into the mellow lifestyle of these Nebraskans. They’ve also got a few brews under their banner, if that’s more your speed. ($50-$65, available in four Los Angeles stores, with more sellers coming in summer 2016.)

Korn's Holiday Gifts

Korn holiday merchandise
Courtesy the band

It always feels like Kristmas with Korn’s Voodoo Doll Ornament and their Logoed Wrapping Paper. The former is made of glass and comes in a protective box (you know, in case you turn up the volume too loud on “Freak on a Leash”). The latter comes folded and unfurls to 19.5 inches by 28 inches. For presents that practically jump out at you and reach for the jugular, give them the nu-metal edge. (Ornament: $20; wrapping paper: $7.50. Both available at Korn’s web store.)

Radiohead's Crying Minotaur

Radiohead's Crying Minotaur
Courtesy the band

Radiohead’s music has a labyrinthine quality to it, so what better mascot than a maze-guarding Minotaur? This plush monster is made of recycled t-shirts, “that quite frankly is better here than in landfill,” according to the group’s online store. The stuffed creature reminds us of those Uglydolls that populate Hot Topic and other teen retail outlets. Who knows what beings will emerge once the merch starts rolling out for “Burn the Witch,” their much-anticipated single that dropped in May 2016. ($30, available at Radiohead’s online shop.)

Dave Matthews Band's Golf Tool

Dave Matthews Band Golf Tool
Courtesy the band

This legendary jam band’s music doesn’t exactly scream athleticism, but DMB do offer sports equipment in their store. For the hipper cats, there’s a hacky sac. For their Baby Boomer fans, there’s this golf tool that also looks like it could complement a bolo tie. It’s got a built-in magnetic ball tracker, which isn’t too off the mark considering “Stand Up (For It)” appeared in the Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 video game. ($20, available on Dave Matthews Band’s online catalog.) 

Foo Fighters’ Mad Libs

Foo Fighters' Mad Libs
Courtesy the band

Nineties kids will remember Mad Libs as that zany fill-in-the-blank word game they’d play at slumber parties. In their happy-go-lucky style, the Foo Fighters have created their customized edition, with 21 original stories. We’re wondering how buyers can make things like Dave Grohl’s Game of Thrones seat or the “Learn To Fly” video even goofier. ($4.99, available May 16, 2016 via the Foo Fighters’ web store.)

Blur’s Magic Whip Yo-Yo

Blur's Magic Whip Yo-Yo
Courtesy the band

Blur’s The Magic Whip was heavily influenced by and recorded in China. Appropriately, they adapted one of the country’s favorite toys. This yo-yo bears the face of a Magic Whip character— who could be a distant relative to the precocious milk carton from their famous “Coffee and TV” video. However, don’t expect the “magic” to give you automatic yo-yo skills— it can take weeks or months to get the tricks down, according to yoyoexpert.com. (£10, available on Blur’s official online store.) 

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Bobbitt, Melissa. "The Strangest Band Merchandise on the Internet." ThoughtCo, Jul. 13, 2017, thoughtco.com/strangest-band-merchandise-on-the-internet-4042913. Bobbitt, Melissa. (2017, July 13). The Strangest Band Merchandise on the Internet. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/strangest-band-merchandise-on-the-internet-4042913 Bobbitt, Melissa. "The Strangest Band Merchandise on the Internet." ThoughtCo. https://www.thoughtco.com/strangest-band-merchandise-on-the-internet-4042913 (accessed November 18, 2017).